After Dinner Speeches
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"What is the trouble, wifey?"
"Yes, there is. What are you crying about, something that happened at
home or something that happened in a novel?"
It was married men's night at the revival meeting.
"Let all you husbands who have troubles on your minds stand up!" shouted
the preacher at the height of his spasm.
Instantly every man in the church arose except one.
"Ah!" exclaimed the preacher, peering out at this lone individual, who
occupied a chair near the door. "You are one in a million."
"It ain't that," piped back this one helplessly as the rest of the
congregation gazed suspiciously at him: "I can't get up--I'm paralyzed!"
JUDGE--"Your innocence is proved. You are acquitted."
PRISONER (to the jury)--"Very sorry, indeed, gentlemen, to have given
you all this trouble for nothing."
A friend of mine, returning to his home in Virginia after several years'
absence, met one of the old negroes, a former servant of his family.
"Uncle Moses," he said, "I hear you got married."
"Yes, Marse Tom, I is, and I's having a moughty troublesome time, Marse
Tom, moughty troublesome."
"What's the trouble?" said my friend.
"Why, dat yaller woman, Marse Tom. She all de time axin' me fer money.
She don't give me no peace."
"How long have you been married, Uncle Moses?"
"Nigh on ter two years, come dis spring."
"And how much money have you given her?"
"Well, I ain't done gin her none yit."--_Sue M.M. Halsey_.
If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear tight shoes.
Never bear more than one kind of trouble at a time. Some people bear
three--all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to
have.--_Edward Everett Hale_.
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