After Dinner Speeches
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Woman--the only sex which attaches more importance to what's on its head
than to what's in it.
"How very few statues there are of real women."
"Yes! it's hard to get them to look right."
"A woman remaining still and saying nothing doesn't seem true to life."
"Oh, woman! in our hours of ease
Uncertain, coy, and hard to please"--
So wrote Sir Walter long ago.
But how, pray, could he really know?
If woman fair he strove to please,
Where did he get his "hours of ease"?
--_George B. Morewood_.
MISS SCRIBBLE-"The heroine of my next story is to be one of those modern
advanced girls who have ideas of their own and don't want to get
THE COLONEL (politely)-"Ah, indeed, I don't think I ever met that
You are a dear, sweet girl,
God bless you and keep you--
Wish I could afford to do so.
Here's to man--he can afford anything he can get. Here's to woman--she
can afford anything that she can get a man to get for her.--_George
Here's to the soldier and his arms,
Fall in, men, fall in;
Here's to woman and her arms,
Fall in, men, fall in!
Most Southerners are gallant. An exception is the Georgian who gave his
son this advice:
"My boy, never run after a woman or a street car--there will be another
one along in a minute or two."
Here's to the maid of bashful fifteen;
Here's to the widow of fifty;
Here's to the flaunting, extravagant queen;
And here's to the housewife that's thrifty.
Let the toast pass,--
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.
Here's to the ladies, the good, young ladies;
But not too good, for the good die young,
And we want no dead ones.
And here's to the good old ladies,
But not too old, for we want no dyed ones.
When a woman repulses, beware. When a woman beckons,
The young woman had spent a busy day.
She had browbeaten fourteen salespeople, bullyragged a floor-walker,
argued victoriously with a milliner, laid down the law to a modiste,
nipped in the bud a taxi chauffeur's attempt to overcharge her, made a
street car conductor stop the car in the middle of a block for her,
discharged her maid and engaged another, and otherwise refused to allow
herself to be imposed upon.
Yet she did not smile that evening when a young man begged:
"Let me be your protector through life!"
I am very fond of the company of ladies. I like their beauty, I like
their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their
Auld Nature swears, the lovely dears
Her noblest work she classes, O:
Her 'prentice hand she tried on man,
An' then she made the lasses, O.
Not from his head was woman took,
As made her husband to o'erlook;
Not from his feet, as one designed
The footstool of the stronger kind;
But fashioned for himself, a bride;
An equal, taken from his side.
_See also_ Mice; Mothers; Smoking; Suffragettes; Wives; Woman suffrage.
Next: WOMAN SUFFRAGE
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