A boy who is frequently chastised both by his mother and grandmother speaks of them as a spanking team
A boy who is frequently chastised both by his mother and
grandmother, speaks of them as "a spanking team."
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'Tis now the wily urchin mocks
The lynx-eyed cop along the docks
And plunges in the cooling tide
Arrayed in naught else but his hide
'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks, And plunges in the cooling tide, Arrayed in naught else but his hide. ... --I met a deaf and dumb man to-day who had every joint of his fingers broken
--I met a deaf and dumb man to-day who had every joint of his fingers broken. --That is terrible, how did it happen? --Well, he used to crack jokes on his fingers. ... --I want to be an angel
--"I want to be an angel." --"Just wait till you've backed one or two 'stars,' and you'll change that tune my boy." ... --I'm very sorry for that boy
--"I'm very sorry for that boy. Your scolding cut him to the quick." --"That's impossible. He has no quick. He's a messenger boy." ... --No matter how high an awning may be suspended it is only a shade above the street
--No matter how high an awning may be suspended, it is only a shade above the street. ... --So Ethel is to marry that young Bob Halstey; why he has been jilted by half a dozen girls
--So Ethel is to marry that young Bob Halstey; why, he has been jilted by half a dozen girls. --Case of being well shaken before taken, I suppose. ... --That Jersey murderer was clever to get off as he did wasn't he
--"That Jersey murderer was clever to get off as he did, wasn't he?" --"What was his plea--insanity?" --"No, malaria." ... --When Mrs
--"When Mrs. Riley died she left $40,000 sewed up in her bustle." --"Dear me! That's a lot of money to leave behind." ... A bashful young couple who were evidently very much in love entered a crowded street car in Boston the other day
A bashful young couple, who were evidently very much in love, entered a crowded street car in Boston the other day. "Do you suppose we can squeeze in here?" he asked, looking doubtfully at her blushing face. "Don't you think, dear, we had bette... A beautiful lassie named Florence Once wept till her tears flowed in torence
A beautiful lassie named Florence, Once wept till her tears flowed in torence. When asked why she cried, She sighed, and replied, "The Sheriff's been here with some worence." ... A boil in the pot is worth two on the neck
A boil in the pot is worth two on the neck. ... A Boston man upon learning that there were 4000 Poles in New York exclaimed: What a place to raise beans
A Boston, man upon learning that there were 4,000 Poles in New York, exclaimed: "What a place to raise beans." ... A boy who is frequently chastised both by his mother and grandmother speaks of them as a spanking team
A boy who is frequently chastised both by his mother and grandmother, speaks of them as "a spanking team." ... A butcher knows how to make both ends meet
"A butcher knows how to make both ends meet." "Yes, if you give him the proper steer." ... A cement maker advertises that his cement is strong enough to mend the break of day
A cement maker advertises that his cement is strong enough to mend the break of day. ... A certain young man told his girl the other night that if she didn't marry him he'd get a rope and hang himself right in front of her home
A certain young man told his girl the other night that if she didn't marry him he'd get a rope and hang himself right in front of her home. "Oh, please don't do it, Harry," she said. "You know father doesn't want you hanging around here." ... A deaf and dumb mute recently went into a bicycle shop and picked up a hub and spoke
A deaf and dumb mute recently went into a bicycle shop and picked up a hub and spoke. ... A dude from St
A dude from St. Louis named Crute Had a habit of saying, "Oh, shoot!" He said it one day To a man in Ouray, And that was the finish of Crute. ... A farmer once called his cow Zephyr She seemed such an amiable hephyr
A farmer once called his cow "Zephyr," She seemed such an amiable hephyr. When the farmer drew near, She kicked off his ear, And now the old farmer's much dephyr. ... A Frankfort man has written a farce comedy called Vaccine
A Frankfort man has written a farce comedy called "Vaccine." It ought to take. ... A husband and wife are considered one but it is useless to try to work that gag on the landlord when he presents the board bill
A husband and wife are considered one, but it is useless to try to work that gag on the landlord when he presents the board bill. ... A lady noticed a boy sprinkling salt on the sidewalk to take off the ice and remarked to a friend pointing to the salt: Now that's true benevolence
A lady noticed a boy sprinkling salt on the sidewalk to take off the ice, and remarked to a friend, pointing to the salt: "Now, that's true benevolence." "No, it ain't," said the boy, somewhat indignant, "it's salt." ... A lady one day being in need of some small change called down-stairs to the cook and enquired: Mary have you any 'coppers' down there
A lady one day being in need of some small change called down-stairs to the cook and enquired: "Mary, have you any 'coppers' down there?" "Yes, mum, I've two; but if you please, mum, they're both me cousins," was the unexpected reply. ... A lady was looking for her husband and inquired anxiously of a housemaid Do you happen to know anything of your master's whereabouts
A lady was looking for her husband and inquired anxiously of a housemaid, "Do you happen to know anything of your master's whereabouts?" "I'm not sure, ma'am," replied the careful domestic, "but I think they are in the wash." ...