A wag who thought to have a joke at the expense of an Irish provision dealer said Can you supply me with a yard of pork
A wag who thought to have a joke at the expense of an Irish
provision dealer said, "Can you supply me with a yard of pork?"
"Pat," said the dealer to his assistant, "give this gentleman
three pig's feet."
More
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A mechanic his labor will often discard
, If the rate of his pay he dislikes: But a clock-and its case is uncommonly hard-- Will continue to work though it strikes! ... A notice at a small depot near Manchester reads: Passengers are requested to cross over the railway by the subway
A notice at a small depot near Manchester reads: "Passengers are requested to cross over the railway by the subway." This reminds us of the oft-quoted notice put up at the ford of an Irish river: "When this board is under water the river i... A painter who fell off a scaffold with a pot of paint in each hand said: well I came down with flying colors anyhow
A painter, who fell off a scaffold with a pot of paint in each hand said: "well, I came down with flying colors, anyhow." ... A poacher surprised at his work and pursued in his escape by a vengefully thrown axe remarked as he vaulted a fence: I have no fault to find with your remarks but I object to the axe-sent
A poacher, surprised at his work and pursued in his escape by a vengefully thrown axe, remarked, as he vaulted a fence: "I have no fault to find with your remarks, but I object to the axe-sent." ... A prominent man called to condone with a lady on the death of her husband and concluded by saying Did he leave you much
A prominent man called to condone with a lady on the death of her husband, and concluded by saying, "Did he leave you much?" "Nearly every night," was the reply. ... A queen was she--the beautiful maid-- Beauty or wealth she did not lack-- But the game was euchre that Cupid played And the Queen was won by a Jack
A queen was she--the beautiful maid-- Beauty or wealth she did not lack-- But the game was euchre that Cupid played, And the Queen was won by a Jack. ... A recent school examination in England elicited the following definitions: Noah's wife wrote one boy was called Joan of Arc
A recent school examination in England elicited the following definitions: "Noah's wife," wrote one boy, "was called Joan of Arc." "Water," wrote another, "is composed of two gases, oxygen and cambrigen." "Lava," replied a third youth, "is what... A simple old farmer McVeagh Whom every one said was a jeagh Fell in with a man On the confidence plan And now he is back making heagh
A simple old farmer, McVeagh, Whom every one said was a jeagh, Fell in with a man On the confidence plan, And now he is back making heagh. ... A sporty young fellow named Phipps Last night went to view the eclipse
A sporty young fellow named Phipps Last night went to view the eclipse. The moon looked so queer. He set up a cheer, The truth was he'd been taking nips. ... A squall on the sea is a stress of weather and a squaller on land is a songstress
A squall on the sea is a stress of weather, and a squaller on land is a songstress. ... A teacher in a high school asked a little wad of an Irish boy to describe a lake
A teacher in a high school asked a little wad of an Irish boy to describe a lake. "Sure and it is hole in the kettle." ... A telephone girl always reminds me of a pictured saint
"A telephone girl always reminds me of a pictured saint." "Why?" "There is a continual 'hello' around her head." ... A tramp asked a farmer for something to eat One day as he chanced there to stop The kind hearted farmer went out to the shed And gave him an axe and feelingly said: Now just help yourself to a chop
A tramp asked a farmer for something to eat One day as he chanced there to stop, The kind hearted farmer went out to the shed And gave him an axe and feelingly said: "Now just help yourself to a chop." ... A wag who thought to have a joke at the expense of an Irish provision dealer said Can you supply me with a yard of pork
A wag who thought to have a joke at the expense of an Irish provision dealer said, "Can you supply me with a yard of pork?" "Pat," said the dealer to his assistant, "give this gentleman three pig's feet." ... A watch's fate is hard indeed For when it's not in soak It's set back if it gets ahead And scorned whene'er it's broke
A watch's fate is hard indeed, For when it's not in soak It's set back if it gets ahead And scorned whene'er it's broke. ... A woman fell overboard from a ship yesterday and a shark came up and looked her over and went away
"A woman fell overboard from a ship yesterday and a shark came up and looked her over and went away." "He never touched her?" "No. He was a man-eating shark." ... A woman never fully understands the hardness of the world until she falls off a bicycle a few times
A woman never fully understands the hardness of the world until she falls off a bicycle a few times. ... A woman's shoe that is a mile too big is never a foot in length
A woman's shoe that is "a mile too big," is never a foot in length. ... A young lady in Philadelphia is said to have had five lovers all named Samuel
A young lady in Philadelphia is said to have had five lovers, all named Samuel. Her photograph album must be a book of Sams. ... About the only time my tailor gives his customers regular fit said Buttons is when they neglect to pay their bills
"About the only time my tailor gives his customers regular fit," said Buttons, "is when they neglect to pay their bills." ... According to a florist's magazine Jacks are becoming cheap
According to a florist's magazine "Jacks are becoming cheap." This may be true, but we have known men who would have been willing to pay $10 for one to put with the two already in their hands. ... ACTOR FRIEND (inquiring at boarding house)--Has Mr
ACTOR FRIEND (inquiring at boarding house)--Has Mr. Comedy taken his departure yet? "Yes," snapped the landlady, "but that's all he did take; I've got his wardrobe." ... Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you
Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you. ... After a man has had occasion to employ a first-class lawyer it is useless to tell him that talk is cheap
After a man has had occasion to employ a first-class lawyer it is useless to tell him that talk is cheap. ... After all you know said Mr
"After all, you know," said Mr. Oldbeau, "a man is only as old as he feels"---- "Yes," said Miss Pepprey, "but some old men make the mistake of thinking they are as young as they think they feel." ... After wedding a rich heiress Price Said Gambling's a terrible vice But one thing I know This matching for dough Is a thing that's exceedingly nice
After wedding a rich heiress, Price Said, "Gambling's a terrible vice, But one thing I know, This matching for dough Is a thing that's exceedingly nice." ...