An old lady, being told that a certain lawyer was lying
An old lady, being told that a certain lawyer "was lying at the
point of death," exclaimed: "My Gracious! Won't even death stop
that man's lying?"
More
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AMERICAN--You have noticed I suppose that the balance of
trade so far as your country and ours are concerned is still in
our favor
AMERICAN--"You have noticed, I suppose, that the balance of trade, so far as your country and ours are concerned, is still in our favor?" ENGLISHMAN--"Nothing of the sort, sir. We exchange a worn-out title for a beautiful American heiress almos... An art-school student recently painted the picture of a dog under a tree so lifelike that it was impossible to distinguish the bark of the tree from that of the dog
An art-school student recently painted the picture of a dog under a tree so lifelike that it was impossible to distinguish the bark of the tree from that of the dog. ... An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY
An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY. ... An English motorist is quoted as saying that he classed pedestrians as the quick and the dead: those who got out of the way and those who didn't
An English motorist is quoted as saying that he classed pedestrians as the quick and the dead: those who got out of the way and those who didn't. ... An excellent reason
An excellent reason.--Casey--"Oi'll wurk no more fer thot mon Dolan." Mrs. Casey--"An' phwy?" Casey--"Shure, t'is an account av a remark thot he made t' me." Mrs. Casey--"Phwat did he say?" Casey--"Sez he, 'Pat, ye're discharged.'" ... An Irish doctor advertises that the deaf may hear of him at a house in Liffey street where his blind patients may see him from ten till three
An Irish doctor advertises that the deaf may hear of him at a house in Liffey street, where his blind patients may see him from ten till three. ... An Irishman comes to this country remains here ten years and goes back to Ireland and dies
"An Irishman comes to this country, remains here ten years, and goes back to Ireland and dies. What is he?" "Why, an Irishman, of course." "No, you're wrong; he is a corpse." ... An Irishman in order to celebrate the advent of a new era went out on a lark
An Irishman in order to celebrate the advent of a new era, went out on a lark. He didn't get home, till 3 o'clock in the morning, and was barely in the house before a nurse rushed up and, uncovering a bunch of soft goods, showed him triplets. The ... An Irishman just landed seeing an electric-motor car running for the first time exclaimed: Well well Ould Nick must be pullin' it wid a string
An Irishman, just landed, seeing an electric-motor car running for the first time, exclaimed: "Well, well, Ould Nick must be pullin' it wid a string." ... An Irishman quarreling with an Englishman told him if he didn't hold his tongue he would break his impenetrable head and let his brains out of his empty skull
An Irishman quarreling with an Englishman, told him if he didn't hold his tongue he would break his impenetrable head, and let his brains out of his empty skull. ... An Irishman wandering up Fifth avenue saw in the window of a photographer's shop a large photograph of Mephisto
An Irishman wandering up Fifth avenue saw in the window of a photographer's shop a large photograph of Mephisto. He went inside, and after gazing about the walls, said to the proprietor: "I want to have a pichtur taken av meself an' me bruther. ... An Irishman was planting shade trees when a passing lady said: You're digging out the holes are you Mr
An Irishman was planting shade trees when a passing lady said: "You're digging out the holes, are you, Mr. Haggerty?" "No, mum. Oi'm diggin' out the dirt an' lavin' the holes." ... An old lady, being told that a certain lawyer was lying
An old lady, being told that a certain lawyer "was lying at the point of death," exclaimed: "My Gracious! Won't even death stop that man's lying?" ... An old-maid being at a loss for a pin-cushion made use of an onion for the purpose
An old-maid being at a loss for a pin-cushion, made use of an onion for the purpose. On the following morning she found all the needles had tears in their eyes. ... And did you never kiss a girl under the mistletoe
"And did you never kiss a girl under the mistletoe?" "Well, no; its pleasanter to kiss her under the nose." ... And so Prof
"And so Prof. Greene has at last discovered the missing link! Where did he find it?" "Under the bureau, I understand." ... And you really believe that Friday is an unlucky day
"And you really believe that Friday is an unlucky day?" "I know it is." "Washington was born on Friday, and so was Napoleon and Tennyson and Gladstone." "Yes, and every mother's son of them is dead!" ... And you really think that a miss is as good as a mile
"And you really think that a miss is as good as a mile?" "Yaas, and a good deal better, for one can kiss a miss, when one couldn't kiss a mile, don'cher know?" ... Another great discovery of diamonds in Kentucky
Another great discovery of diamonds in Kentucky! A man got five of them on the first deal. ... Anything new in your neighborhood
"Anything new in your neighborhood?" we asked a farmer. "Yes, the whole neighborhood is stirred up," he replied. "What is the cause?" we asked eagerly. "Ploughing." ... Are any of the colors discernible to the touch
"Are any of the colors discernible to the touch?" asked the school teacher. "I have often felt blue," replied the boy at the head of the class. ... Are you an amateur photographer
"Are you an amateur photographer?" "No. Why do you ask?" "Oh, I heard that you got Miss Rox's negative last night." ... Are you engaged
"Are you engaged?" inquired the lady of Bridget at the intelligence office. "No, mum, but I have regular company for four nights o' the week." ... Are you intimate with any of the nobility
"Are you intimate with any of the nobility?" asked Chippy. "Well, rather!" replied Clubdoodle. "I got a queen full last night, and had a high old time with four kings." ...