Don't pen missives to your best girl on postal cards
Don't pen missives to your best girl on postal cards. She may
have suspicion that you do not care two cents for her.
More
-
Do I bore you
"Do I bore you?" asked the mosquito, politely, as he sunk a half-inch shaft into the man's leg. "Not at all," replied the man, squashing him with a book. "How do I strike you?" ... Do you believe in luck
"Do you believe in luck?" "Sometimes. See that fat woman with the red hat over there?" "Yes." "Twenty years ago she refused to marry me." ... Do you believe in transmigration of souls
"Do you believe in transmigration of souls?" "Well," answered the man who never admits that he doesn't know everything, "I wouldn't recommend it as a regular practice." ... Do you go to church to hear the sermon or the music Maude
"Do you go to church to hear the sermon or the music, Maude?" "I go for the hims," said Maud. ... Do you know George Papa thinks you are a literary man
"Do you know, George, Papa thinks you are a literary man." "Where did he get that idea?" "I don't know, but he said you looked just like a bookmaker." ... Do you know the nature of an oath ma'am
"Do you know the nature of an oath, ma'am?" inquired the judge. "Well, I reckon I orter," was the reply. "My husband drives a canal boat." ... Do you think that as a rule people who attend theaters are superstitious
"Do you think that as a rule people who attend theaters are superstitious?" "Do I think so? I know it. I have seen people sit for an hour waiting for a ghost to walk." "For that matter the actors themselves often wait longer than that." ... Do you think the elevator boy stole your watch
"Do you think the elevator boy stole your watch?" "Well, he swore up and down that he didn't." ... Do you think the things one eats have a direct effect on one's disposition
"Do you think the things one eats have a direct effect on one's disposition?" "Well, rather. We had Indian meal pudding so often at our house that everybody got savage." ... DOCTOR--You are fagged out; you must give up all headwork
DOCTOR--You are fagged out; you must give up all headwork. PATIENT--Why, that spells ruin! I'm a hair-dresser! ... Doing anything now Bill
"Doing anything now, Bill?" "Oh, yes, I'm kept busy all the time." "Ah, glad to hear it. What are you doing?" "Looking for a job." ... Don't doubt the veteran who tells you he was always where the bullets were thickest; perhaps he was hiding under the ammunition wagon
Don't doubt the veteran who tells you he was always where the bullets were thickest; perhaps he was hiding under the ammunition wagon. ... Don't pen missives to your best girl on postal cards
Don't pen missives to your best girl on postal cards. She may have suspicion that you do not care two cents for her. ... Don't take a bull by the horns; take him by the tail then you can let go without getting some one to help you
Don't take a bull by the horns; take him by the tail, then you can let go without getting some one to help you. ... Don't talk to me about compulsory vaccination
"Don't talk to me about compulsory vaccination!" exclaimed the man who had his arm in a sling. "I'm sore on that subject." ... Don't you find it easier to shave some men than others
Broker--"Don't you find it easier to shave some men than others?" Barber--"Yes; don't you?" ... Each evening a good-looking Mr
Each evening a good-looking Mr. Comes around for a visit to my Sr.; One night on the stairs, He, all unawares, Put his arm round her figure and Kr. ... Elderly Man (greeting former acquaintance)--I remember your face perfectly miss but your name has escaped me
Elderly Man (greeting former acquaintance)--"I remember your face perfectly, miss, but your name has escaped me." The Young Woman--"I don't wonder. It escaped me three years ago. I am married now." ... Electricity is a great educator
Electricity is a great educator. Think what it has done to make men see things in a new light. ... Every time I get on a ferry boat it makes me cross
"Every time I get on a ferry boat it makes me cross." ... Everybody knows a woman is hard to please
Everybody knows a woman is hard to please. She likes the matrimonial harness, but doesn't like to be hitched up with a man who is strapped. ... FANNIE--Why do people always apply the name of she to a city
FANNIE--Why do people always apply the name of "she" to a city? GEORGE--I don't know. Why is it? FANNIE--Because every city has outskirts. ... Firemen as well as other people like to talk of their flames
Firemen, as well as other people, like to talk of their flames. ... FIRST COMEDIAN--Did you score a hit with your new specialty
FIRST COMEDIAN--"Did you score a hit with your new specialty?" SECOND COMEDIAN--"Did I? Why, the audience gazed in open-mouthed wonder before I was half through." FIRST COMEDIAN--"Wonderful! It is seldom that an entire audience yawns at once....