Everybody knows a woman is hard to please
Everybody knows a woman is hard to please. She likes the
matrimonial harness, but doesn't like to be hitched up with a man
who is strapped.
More
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Do you think the things one eats have a direct effect on one's
disposition
"Do you think the things one eats have a direct effect on one's disposition?" "Well, rather. We had Indian meal pudding so often at our house that everybody got savage." ... DOCTOR--You are fagged out; you must give up all headwork
DOCTOR--You are fagged out; you must give up all headwork. PATIENT--Why, that spells ruin! I'm a hair-dresser! ... Doing anything now Bill
"Doing anything now, Bill?" "Oh, yes, I'm kept busy all the time." "Ah, glad to hear it. What are you doing?" "Looking for a job." ... Don't doubt the veteran who tells you he was always where the bullets were thickest; perhaps he was hiding under the ammunition wagon
Don't doubt the veteran who tells you he was always where the bullets were thickest; perhaps he was hiding under the ammunition wagon. ... Don't pen missives to your best girl on postal cards
Don't pen missives to your best girl on postal cards. She may have suspicion that you do not care two cents for her. ... Don't take a bull by the horns; take him by the tail then you can let go without getting some one to help you
Don't take a bull by the horns; take him by the tail, then you can let go without getting some one to help you. ... Don't talk to me about compulsory vaccination
"Don't talk to me about compulsory vaccination!" exclaimed the man who had his arm in a sling. "I'm sore on that subject." ... Don't you find it easier to shave some men than others
Broker--"Don't you find it easier to shave some men than others?" Barber--"Yes; don't you?" ... Each evening a good-looking Mr
Each evening a good-looking Mr. Comes around for a visit to my Sr.; One night on the stairs, He, all unawares, Put his arm round her figure and Kr. ... Elderly Man (greeting former acquaintance)--I remember your face perfectly miss but your name has escaped me
Elderly Man (greeting former acquaintance)--"I remember your face perfectly, miss, but your name has escaped me." The Young Woman--"I don't wonder. It escaped me three years ago. I am married now." ... Electricity is a great educator
Electricity is a great educator. Think what it has done to make men see things in a new light. ... Every time I get on a ferry boat it makes me cross
"Every time I get on a ferry boat it makes me cross." ... Everybody knows a woman is hard to please
Everybody knows a woman is hard to please. She likes the matrimonial harness, but doesn't like to be hitched up with a man who is strapped. ... FANNIE--Why do people always apply the name of she to a city
FANNIE--Why do people always apply the name of "she" to a city? GEORGE--I don't know. Why is it? FANNIE--Because every city has outskirts. ... Firemen as well as other people like to talk of their flames
Firemen, as well as other people, like to talk of their flames. ... FIRST COMEDIAN--Did you score a hit with your new specialty
FIRST COMEDIAN--"Did you score a hit with your new specialty?" SECOND COMEDIAN--"Did I? Why, the audience gazed in open-mouthed wonder before I was half through." FIRST COMEDIAN--"Wonderful! It is seldom that an entire audience yawns at once.... FIRST DOCTOR--Well doctor I had a peculiar case to-day
FIRST DOCTOR--Well, doctor, I had a peculiar case to-day. SECOND DOCTOR--What was it, please? FIRST DOCTOR--I attended a grass widow who is afflicted with hay fever. ... FIRST FLY--Did it ever occur to you the baldheaded men have a keener sense of humor than others
FIRST FLY--Did it ever occur to you the baldheaded men have a keener sense of humor than others? SECOND FLY--Well, I have noticed that they seem to be easily tickled. ... FIRST SENIOR--Heard about Exsheff
FIRST SENIOR--Heard about Exsheff? He went down into South Africa, and he's come home a regular repository of Zulu spearheads and Boer bullets. SECOND SENIOR--I always said he had good metal in him. ... For mercy sake don't put me near old Billions
"For mercy sake, don't put me near old Billions!" said Mrs. Lookyoung to her friend. "Why not?" said the other. "He's awfully interesting." "I know it," said Mrs. Lookyoung, "but I never sit next to him at dinner but that he blurts out someth... For years she'd heard her husband sadly say: Can't we have pies like mother used to bake
For years she'd heard her husband sadly say: "Can't we have pies like mother used to bake?" At last she cried: "Of course we can, you Jay, When you make dough that papa used to make." ... FRANKLIN--Do you know I started in life as a barefooted boy
FRANKLIN--"Do you know, I started in life as a barefooted boy?" HARDY--"Well, I'll tell you I wasn't born with shoes on." ... FRED--Did you hear of The Western Furniture Co
FRED--Did you hear of The Western Furniture Co. advertising for models. DICK--What for? FRED--To try on Parlor suits. ... FRED--I had a fall last night which rendered me unconscious for several hours
FRED--"I had a fall last night which rendered me unconscious for several hours." ED--"You don't mean it? Where did you fall?" FRED--"I fell asleep." ...