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Whether Tall Men Or Short Men Are Best Or Bold Men Or Modest And Shy Men I Can't Say But This I Protest All The Fair Are In Favor Of Hy-men
Charlemagne Was In Need Of Amusement
Couples Making Love Will Beware Of The Rubber Plant
Ma What Is A Panama Man Called
Adversity Is Not Without Comfort--your Enemy May Be In Harder Luck Than You
Ah
Electricity Is A Great Educator
Yes There Is One Part Of The Dough-nut That Wouldn't Give You Dyspepsia
Mrs
How Are You To-day


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What's The Matter Here
Mrs
How By The Statesman Insincere Man's Weary Soul Is Vexed
When We First Dined At A Cafe We Feared They'd Drop Their Trays But Later We Learned Somewhat To Our Dismay It Takes--as Scores Of Men Will Say-- A Big Tip To Upset A Waiter
To-morrow Never Comes They Say; But All Such Talk Is Idle Gush For When We Have A Debt To Pay To-morrow Gets There With A Rush
Rowley Powley Pudding And Pie Kissed The Girls And Made Them Cry
He Went On A Lark So His Wife Did Remark And Some Angry Words Too Did She Mutter
He Was A Genial Smiling Man And Fond Of Whisky Plain But When He Joined The Temperance Club He Never Smiled Again
My Dentist Has An Eagle Eye And Vicious Tools He Hacks With He's Clever But I've Come To Think He'd Make A Better Blacksmith
Of All The Saws That I Ever Saw Saw I Never Saw A Saw Saw Like This Saw Saws




Little Mary quite contrary

Puns Home










Little Mary, quite contrary,

How does your appetite grow?

Lobsters and quail, champagne in a pail,

And a "friend" to supply all the dough!











Next: HE--Then I am to understand that you have given me the mitten as it were

Previous: Why so glum Blumly



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Puns

A Maine Dealer Says He Has Sold More Skates This Season Than He Has Ever Sold Before In An Entire Season
Yes He's Got A Flying-machine Ready For A Trial Now And He's Trying Hard Not To Be Proud
A Lady Noticed A Boy Sprinkling Salt On The Sidewalk To Take Off The Ice And Remarked To A Friend Pointing To The Salt: Now That's True Benevolence
Jackson Never Lights One Of His Cigars
A Woman Fell Overboard From A Ship Yesterday And A Shark Came Up And Looked Her Over And Went Away
American--you Have Noticed I Suppose That The Balance Of Trade So Far As Your Country And Ours Are Concerned Is Still In Our Favor
There Is But One Thing Said The Professor Of Medicine Gravely That We Know About Death
Sing Not To Me Of Falling Dew Upon The Purple Hills For I Am Worried Far Too Much By Falling Due Of Bills
A Prominent Man Called To Condone With A Lady On The Death Of Her Husband And Concluded By Saying Did He Leave You Much
'tis Now The Wily Urchin Mocks The Lynx-eyed Cop Along The Docks And Plunges In The Cooling Tide Arrayed In Naught Else But His Hide
A Little Burn Makes A Big Smart Sometimes
When Lot Found His Wife Transformed Into A Pillar Of Salt He Was Wise Enough To Let It Go At That And Not Take A Fresh One
The Spinster--how Many Lodges Did You Say Your Husband Belonged To
An Irishman Just Landed Seeing An Electric-motor Car Running For The First Time Exclaimed: Well Well Ould Nick Must Be Pullin' It Wid A String
If Tough Spells Tough
Smith--there Is Something That Will Never Be Boycotted By The Fair Sex As Long As Time Lasts
Playwright--there Is A Great Climax In The Last Act
Butcher--i Need A Boy About Your Size And Will Give You $1 A Week
What's The Matter John
The Judge Asked An Irish Policeman Named O'connell When Did You Last See Your Sister
Biggs--that Butcher Is An Awkward Fellow
There's A Young Woman Who Makes Little Things Count
If The Devil Lost Its Tail Where Would He Go To Get Another One
What Must A Man Be That He Shall Be Buried With Military Honors
A Poacher Surprised At His Work And Pursued In His Escape By A Vengefully Thrown Axe Remarked As He Vaulted A Fence: I Have No Fault To Find With Your Remarks But I Object To The Axe-sent