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Whether Tall Men Or Short Men Are Best Or Bold Men Or Modest And Shy Men I Can't Say But This I Protest All The Fair Are In Favor Of Hy-men
Charlemagne Was In Need Of Amusement
Couples Making Love Will Beware Of The Rubber Plant
Ma What Is A Panama Man Called
Adversity Is Not Without Comfort--your Enemy May Be In Harder Luck Than You
Ah
Electricity Is A Great Educator
Yes There Is One Part Of The Dough-nut That Wouldn't Give You Dyspepsia
Mrs
How Are You To-day


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What's The Matter Here
Mrs
How By The Statesman Insincere Man's Weary Soul Is Vexed
When We First Dined At A Cafe We Feared They'd Drop Their Trays But Later We Learned Somewhat To Our Dismay It Takes--as Scores Of Men Will Say-- A Big Tip To Upset A Waiter
To-morrow Never Comes They Say; But All Such Talk Is Idle Gush For When We Have A Debt To Pay To-morrow Gets There With A Rush
Rowley Powley Pudding And Pie Kissed The Girls And Made Them Cry
He Went On A Lark So His Wife Did Remark And Some Angry Words Too Did She Mutter
He Was A Genial Smiling Man And Fond Of Whisky Plain But When He Joined The Temperance Club He Never Smiled Again
My Dentist Has An Eagle Eye And Vicious Tools He Hacks With He's Clever But I've Come To Think He'd Make A Better Blacksmith
Of All The Saws That I Ever Saw Saw I Never Saw A Saw Saw Like This Saw Saws




SHE--You say your automobile has been acting strangely all day

Puns Home









SHE--"You say your automobile has been acting strangely all day?"



HE--"Yes; it has stopped I don't know how many times."



SHE--"And what are you putting the oil on it for?"



HE--"To stop it stopping."











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Puns

The Impecunious Young Man Who Marries A Girl With A Substantial Check Attached May Very Properly Be Said To Have Been Checkmated
Now Comes The Question Which Will Make This Life A Bitter Cup
He--why Has He Put Her Picture In His Watch
I Am Told Said She Saucily That Though You Are A Military Man You Are Afraid Of Powder
When The Penniless Lordling To Get A Rich Wife Of His Own Nationality Fails He Crosses The Ocean With Heart Light And Gay And Robs The United States Males
Are Your Folks Well To Do
After Wedding A Rich Heiress Price Said Gambling's A Terrible Vice But One Thing I Know This Matching For Dough Is A Thing That's Exceedingly Nice
Do You Know The Nature Of An Oath Ma'am
Pat Said One Catholic Friend To Another
Do You Think The Elevator Boy Stole Your Watch
Alas For All Their Ecstasy They Knew Not What Was Best: The Young Man Reached The Front Door The Old Man Did The Rest
Groceryman--pat Do You Like Apples
I'd Like To See Your Mistress
You Are Absolutely Certain About Your Statement
My Face Is My Fortune Sir She Said But Her Suitor Saw Right Through Her; She Meant She Could Not Cash A Check Unless The Banker Knew Her
Mr
Weeks--well How Are Things Over In Boston
We Have German Bands And French Bands And American Bands But You Never Hear Of An Irish Band
Elderly Man (greeting Former Acquaintance)--i Remember Your Face Perfectly Miss But Your Name Has Escaped Me
We Don't Always Know Just How The Other Half Lives; But In Chicago The Better Half Lives On Her Alimony
Tomdick--i'd Like To Find Some Girl Willing To Marry Me
Good Gracious Said The Hen When She Discovered A Porcelain Egg On The Nest
Things Are Wrong Remarked The Observer Of Events And Things When A Reputable Physician Has To Pay Money For A Certificate To Practice And A Fourteen-year-old Girl With A New Piano Doesn't
Let Me See Said The Minister
Why Should A Young Man Never Raise His Straw Hat To A Lady