The first impulse of the young married man on being presented with his first baby is to give it a-weigh
The first impulse of the young married man, on being presented
with his first baby, is to give it a-weigh.
More
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That said the loaf pointing to the oven is where I was
bred
"That," said the loaf, pointing to the oven, "is where I was bred." ... That sounds like the charity bawl said the nurse as the babies in the orphan asylum began to yell
"That sounds like the charity bawl," said the nurse, as the babies in the orphan asylum began to yell. ... That tenor of yours has a marvelous voice
"That tenor of yours has a marvelous voice. He can hold one of his notes for half a minute." "Shucks! I've held one of his notes for two years." ... That was a pretty good dog story wasn't it
"That was a pretty good dog story, wasn't it?" asked Dinwiddie, as he finished telling one. "Yes," replied Gaswell; "but it was too long. It ought to have been curtailed." ... That young gentleman has a very taking manner said one young lady to another at a party of a young man who had just left them
"That young gentleman has a very taking manner," said one young lady to another at a party, of a young man who had just left them. "Yes," was the reply, "that's his business." "His business? What is he?" "A photographer." ... THE BARBER--Did I ever shave you before
THE BARBER--Did I ever shave you before? THE VICTIM--Yes, once. THE BARBER--I don't remember your face. THE VICTIM--No; I suppose not. It's all healed up now. ... The butcher is a fair minded fellow
The butcher is a fair minded fellow. He is always willing to meet his customers half weigh. ... The death of her husband must have been a dreadful blow to Mrs
"The death of her husband must have been a dreadful blow to Mrs. Musicale." "It was, indeed." "I suppose she has given up her piano playing entirely." "No; she still plays; but only on the black keys." ... The detective at the boarding house table having satisfied himself that nobody had observed him folded up his magnifying glass and put it back in his pocket
The detective at the boarding house table having satisfied himself that nobody had observed him, folded up his magnifying glass and put it back in his pocket. "Yes," he said to himself, "they've got the same girl they had when I was here two ye... THE DOCTOR--You regard society as merely a machine do you
THE DOCTOR--"You regard society as merely a machine, do you? What part of the machinery do you consider me, for instance?" THE PROFESSOR--"You are one of the cranks." ... The fact that a man has not cut his hair for ten or twelve years need not necessarily imply that he is eccentric
The fact that a man has not cut his hair for ten or twelve years need not necessarily imply that he is eccentric. He may be bald. ... The fate of Lot's wife Was all her own fault; She first turned to rubber And then turned to salt
The fate of Lot's wife Was all her own fault; She first turned to "rubber," And then turned to salt. ... The first impulse of the young married man on being presented with his first baby is to give it a-weigh
The first impulse of the young married man, on being presented with his first baby, is to give it a-weigh. ... The first kiss only comes once in a lifetime
The first kiss only comes once in a lifetime. The trouble with the fellow who loses his temper is that he always finds it again. The man who plays the bass drum should have no difficulty in beating his way. An amateur performance for chari... The following is a resolution of an Irish corporation: That a new jail should be built that this be done out of the material of the old one and the old jail to be used until the new one be completed
The following is a resolution of an Irish corporation: "That a new jail should be built, that this be done out of the material of the old one, and the old jail to be used until the new one be completed." ... The girl who marries a title very frequently turns her fortune to a count
The girl who marries a title very frequently turns her fortune to a count. ... The glazier is not necessarily a tiresome man because he gives you a pane
The glazier is not necessarily a tiresome man because he "gives you a pane." ... The Governess--What happened when the man killed the goose that laid the golden egg Margie
The Governess--What happened when the man killed the goose that laid the golden egg, Margie? Little Margie--Why, I guess his goose was cooked. ... The hawk was dozing
The hawk was dozing. "You look," said the jay, from a safe distance, "as if you were full." "Well," the hawk admitted, "I have just been having a little lark that was a bird." ... The house a lawyer once enjoy'd
"The house a lawyer once enjoy'd, Now to a smith doth pass; How naturally the iron age Succeeds the age of brass!" ... The impecunious young man who marries a girl with a substantial check attached may very properly be said to have been checkmated
The impecunious young man who marries a girl with a substantial check attached may very properly be said to have been checkmated. ... The judge asked an Irish policeman named O'Connell When did you last see your sister
The judge asked an Irish policeman named O'Connell, "When did you last see your sister?" The policeman replied: "The last time I saw her, Judge, was about eight months ago, when she called at my home, and I was out." "Then you did not see her on t... The kerosene can on the mantel reposes Its contents were sprinkled all over the fire And all that poor Kathleen O'Donohue knows is This dull world has changed for a sphere that is higher
The kerosene can on the mantel reposes, Its contents were sprinkled all over the fire, And all that poor Kathleen O'Donohue knows is, This dull world has changed for a sphere that is higher. ... The landlord came to Mrs
The landlord came to Mrs. O'Hooligan on the first day of May last, and said: "See here, my foine loidy, I am going to raise your rent." "Oh thanks be to the Lord," said Mrs. O'Hooligan, "I'm so glad that you intend to raise it for me as Dan aint' ...