What did you wear last night
"What did you wear last night?" asked the celery. "A lovely
mayonnaise," replied the lettuce. "And you?" "Never was so
mortified in all my life; I wasn't dressed at all," said the
celery; and the beet blushed.
More
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We should never complain whatever may befall us said the
minister
"We should never complain, whatever may befall us," said the minister. "The moment we grow dissatisfied we become unhappy." "Do you really think so?" she sighed. "Yes," returned the good man; "the first woman who complained of her Lot, was tu... We're all often forced to rob Peter In order to settle with Paul But some of us merely rob Peter And Paul never sees us at all
We're all often forced to rob Peter In order to settle with Paul, But some of us merely rob Peter And Paul never sees us at all. ... WEEKS--Well how are things over in Boston
WEEKS--Well, how are things over in Boston? Have they named any new pie "Aristotle" yet? WENTMAN--No-o. But I heard a man there ask for a Plato soup. ... Well have you anything to say
"Well, have you anything to say?" asked the Judge. The little man on the witness stand looked around the court-room rather fearfully. "That depends," he answered at last "Is my wife in the room?" ... Well I see Admiral Dewey's rank is reduced
"Well, I see Admiral Dewey's rank is reduced." "What is he, a commodore?" "No." "A captain?" "No." "Well, what is he?" "Mrs. Dewey's second mate." ... Well, Pat, and how is that bull-pup of yours doing
"Well, Pat, and how is that bull-pup of yours doing?" "Oh, he's dead! The illigant baste wint an' swallowed a tape-measure!" "Oh, I see! He died by inches, then?" "No; begorra, he didn't! He wint round to the back of the ho... Were you attached to the place
"Were you attached to the place?" The actress laughed bitterly. "I don't know what you'd call it," she rejoined. "The sheriff had all my dresses except a Mother Hubbard." ... What a distinguished looking man
"What a distinguished looking man." "Yes, the last time I saw him he was on the bench." "What, a judge?" "No; a substitute ball-player." ... What a fearful night I had when I drew this gun the first time
"What a fearful night I had when I drew this gun the first time!" said the bartender, as he showed a handsome silver-mounted Colt. "When was it?" gasped the crowd. "Night before last at the raffle in Kelley's!" ... What are you going to do with your boy
"What are you going to do with your boy?" "I don't know; I'm afraid he is a bad egg." "In that case he might do for an actor." ... What are you writing such a big hand for Pat
"What are you writing such a big hand for, Pat?" "Why, you see my grandmother is dafe, and I'm writing a loud letter to her." ... What became of that girl you made love to in the hammock
"What became of that girl you made love to in the hammock?" "We fell out." ... What did de lady do when yer asked her for an old collar
"What did de lady do when yer asked her for an old collar?" "She gave me a turndown." ... What did you wear last night
"What did you wear last night?" asked the celery. "A lovely mayonnaise," replied the lettuce. "And you?" "Never was so mortified in all my life; I wasn't dressed at all," said the celery; and the beet blushed. ... What do you mean by referring to Miss Elderly as a pall-bearer
"What do you mean by referring to Miss Elderly as a pall-bearer?" "She sits around all day long with a green parrot on her shoulder. I don't like such Poll-bearers." ... What do you think of the statement that there are three hundred haunted houses in New York
"What do you think of the statement that there are three hundred haunted houses in New York?" asked Mr. Knickerbocker. "Oh," replied Jones, "that only ghost to show how plentiful spirits are here." ... What do you think of Windig
What do you think of Windig? He reminds me of a river. What's the answer? The biggest part of him is his mouth. ... What have you got to say for yourself
"What have you got to say for yourself?" "Jes dis, suh; I wants a liar to defend me." "You mean a lawyer?" "Yes, suh; I knowed I most had it!" ... What have you here
"What have you here?" asked the fresh young man of the waiter at a first-class restaurant. "Everything, sir." "Everything?" sneeringly, "Have it served at once." "Hash for one," yelled the waiter. ... What I like about the Irish is that they are so modest and unassuming
"What I like about the Irish is that they are so modest and unassuming." "Holy smoke!" "Fact. When an Irishman does anything great he does not go bragging of his ability as another man would. He merely brags about Ireland." ... What in the world shall I do with the baby John
"What in the world shall I do with the baby, John? She's crying for the moon." "That's nothing. Wait till she's eighteen and she'll want the earth." ... What is a swell affair Jim
"What is a swell affair, Jim?" "Swell affair! lemme see. Ah! yes, I know--a boil." "Something else, try again." "No, give it up." "A hill, ye know. Don't ye see, a hill is a swell affair, and besides all hills have got crests." ... What is love
"What is love?" "A fresh egg." "Marriage?" "Hard boiled eggs." "Divorce?" "Scrambled eggs." ... What is the best way to raise cabbage
"What is the best way to raise cabbage?" "With a knife and fork." ... What is the difference between the admission to a dime museum and the admission to Sing Sing
"What is the difference between the admission to a dime museum and the admission to Sing Sing?" "Don't know. What?" "One is ten cents and the other is sentence." ... What is the meaning of the saying that a man shall earn his bread in the sweat of his brow
"What is the meaning of the saying that a man shall earn his bread in the sweat of his brow?" asked a boy in a New York school. "Have you never observed a man working on a warm day?" asked the teacher. "No, don't think I ever saw one." "W...