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Whether Tall Men Or Short Men Are Best Or Bold Men Or Modest And Shy Men I Can't Say But This I Protest All The Fair Are In Favor Of Hy-men
Charlemagne Was In Need Of Amusement
Couples Making Love Will Beware Of The Rubber Plant
Ma What Is A Panama Man Called
Adversity Is Not Without Comfort--your Enemy May Be In Harder Luck Than You
Electricity Is A Great Educator
Ah
Mrs
Yes There Is One Part Of The Dough-nut That Wouldn't Give You Dyspepsia
How Are You To-day


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What's The Matter Here
Mrs
How By The Statesman Insincere Man's Weary Soul Is Vexed
When We First Dined At A Cafe We Feared They'd Drop Their Trays But Later We Learned Somewhat To Our Dismay It Takes--as Scores Of Men Will Say-- A Big Tip To Upset A Waiter
To-morrow Never Comes They Say; But All Such Talk Is Idle Gush For When We Have A Debt To Pay To-morrow Gets There With A Rush
Rowley Powley Pudding And Pie Kissed The Girls And Made Them Cry
He Went On A Lark So His Wife Did Remark And Some Angry Words Too Did She Mutter
He Was A Genial Smiling Man And Fond Of Whisky Plain But When He Joined The Temperance Club He Never Smiled Again
My Dentist Has An Eagle Eye And Vicious Tools He Hacks With He's Clever But I've Come To Think He'd Make A Better Blacksmith
Of All The Saws That I Ever Saw Saw I Never Saw A Saw Saw Like This Saw Saws




With cards and dice and dress and friends My savings are complete; I light the candle at both ends And thus make both ends meet

Puns Home











With cards and dice, and dress and friends,

My savings are complete;

I light the candle at both ends,

And thus make both ends meet.











Next: There goes a man who leads in letters

Previous: If you want to see a strong organization look at the whisky dealers; if you want to see a weak one look at the consumers



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Puns

Is It Raining Girls
When A Woman Finds Her Dress Does Not Match Her Complexion It Is Always Easy Enough To Change Her Complexion
A Poacher Surprised At His Work And Pursued In His Escape By A Vengefully Thrown Axe Remarked As He Vaulted A Fence: I Have No Fault To Find With Your Remarks But I Object To The Axe-sent
So You Were Bound And Gagged By Bandits While In Italy Were You
Love They Say Is Blind
The Only Remedy--mamma I Dess You'll Have To Turn The Hose On Me
Sillicus--do You Think We Shall Know Each Other In The Hereafter
Why Do You Call Your Dog Hardware
I Wish The Hot Weather Would Come Along Sighed The Thermometer
The Portrait Tumbled From The Wall And Hit The Young Man's Head
What's The Matter John
Diner--hello
What's The Matter Here
Tommy Said Mamma Tearfully It Gives Me As Much Pain As It Does You To Punish You
Said She How Beautiful Is Nature
First Doctor--well Doctor I Had A Peculiar Case To-day
Our New Congressman Has Made Himself Very Popular
Dearest Whispered Cordelia After She Had Captured The Coveted Solitaire I Have A Confession To Make
He Said To Her: You're Just A Bird
Johnnie--ya-as I've Just Come Back From Ireland--county Cork
Dick--do You Think You'll Have Much Trouble In Popping The Question
Attorney For The Defense--have You Ever Been Cross-examined Before
A Lady Noticed A Boy Sprinkling Salt On The Sidewalk To Take Off The Ice And Remarked To A Friend Pointing To The Salt: Now That's True Benevolence
Brown--i Hear That They Use All Sorts Of Materials In The Manufacture Of Illuminating Gas Nowadays
I Hear They're Going To Change The Name Of Central Park To Orchard Park