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Couldn't Resist It

Stories Jokes Home




"Look here," began the youth, as he entered a butcher's shop, and
displayed two lovely-looking black-and-blue eyes, "you have fresh beef
for sale?"

"I have," responded the butcher.

"And fresh beef is good for black eyes, is it not?"

"It is."

"Very well. I have the eyes, you have the beef. Do you think you can
sell me a pound or so without asking how I got ornamented?"

"I'll do my best, sir."

The butcher cut off the meat, and received his money without another
look at his customer. At the last moment, however, the old Adam proved
too strong for him.

"Look here," he said, handing back the cash, "I'll make you a present of
the beef. Now tell me all about the fight."

* * *

"Do you know anything about palmistry, Herbert?" she asked.

"Oh, not much," he answered, "although I had an experience last night
which might be considered a remarkable example of palmistry. I happened
to glance at the hand of a friend, and I immediately predicted he would
presently become the possessor of a considerable amount of money. Before
he left the room he had a nice little sum handed to him."

"And you foretold that from his hand?"

"Yes, it had four aces in it."

* * *

Young Harold was late for Sunday-school and the minister inquired the
cause. "I was going fishing, but father wouldn't let me," announced the
lad.

"That's the right kind of a father to have," replied the reverend
gentleman. "Did he explain the reason why he would not let you go?"

"Yes, sir. He said there wasn't bait enough for two."

* * *

"My good man, you had better take the trolley car home."

"Sh' no ushe! My wife wouldn't let me--hic--keep it in th' house."

* * *

_Mrs. Newlywed:_ "Oh, Jack, you left the kitchen door open and the
draught has shut my cookery book, so that now I haven't the faintest
idea what it is I'm cooking."

* * *

"Goin' in that house over there?" said the first tramp.

"I tried that house last week. I ain't goin' there any more," replied
Tramp No. 2.

"'Fraid on account of the dog?"

"Me trousers are."

"Trousers are what?"

"Frayed on account of the dog."

* * *





Next: A Question Of Locality

Previous: Half A Duck Deep



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