1. The Gardener, with the aid of such patients as can be taken out for that purpose, shall have the care of the orchard, garden, and grounds around the Asylum and Physician's house; he shall have charge of the cultivation of the vegetables, fru... Read more of Gardener at Insane Asylum.caInformational Site Network Informational
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_Oldest Inhabitant:_ "I never expected to live till the end of the War,
Ma'am; but now I'm hoping to be spared to see the beginning of the next
one."

* * *

"That's Betty Grant's new maid."

"She's much smarter than her mistress."

"Well, they can't _both_ afford to dress like that."

* * *

_Father:_ "Don't know the French for cat, and you had a French nurse for
years!"

_Hopeful:_ "But, Dad, we hadn't got a cat when Adele was with us."

* * *

_Betty_ (_after flash of lightning_): "Count quickly, Jenny! Make it as
far away as you possibly can."

* * *

_Employer:_ "John, I wish you wouldn't whistle at your work."

_Boy:_ "I wasn't working, Sir; only whistling."

* * *

_Mistress:_ "Oh, Jane, how _did_ you break that vase?"

_Maid:_ "I'm very sorry, Mum; I was accidentally dusting."

* * *

_Little Girl_ (_in foreground_): "Mother, I suppose the bridegroom
_must_ come to his wedding."

* * *

_Mistress:_ "I hope you're doing what you can to economise the food."

_Cook:_ "Oh, yes'm. We've put the cat on milk-an'-water."

* * *

_Raw Hand_ (_at sea for first time and observing steamer's red and green
lights_): "'Ere's some lights on the starboard side, Sir."

_Officer:_ "Well, what is it?"

_R. H.:_ "Looks to me like a drug store, Sir."

* * *

"Can you play bridge to-night?"

"Sorry. Going to hear some Wagner."

"What--do you like the stuff?"

"Frankly, no; but I've heard on the best authority that his music's very
much better than it sounds."

* * *

_Master:_ "But, Jenkins, the name of the complaint is not pewmonia.
Surely, you've heard me again and again say '_pneu_monia'?"

_Man:_ "Well, Sir, I _'ave_; but I didn't like to correct you."

* * *

_Successful Poultry Farmer:_ "You'd be surprised what a difference these
incubators make. We can hatch out two or three hundred chicks every
week."

_Champion Dog Breeder:_ "Good gracious! How ever do you manage to find
names for them all?"

* * *

_Small Boy_ (_who has been promised a visit to the Zoo to-morrow_): "I
hope we shall have a better day for it than Noah had."

* * *

_Mother:_ "Oh, Mary, why _do_ you wipe your mouth with the back of your
hand?"

_Mary:_ "'Cos it's so much cleaner than the front."

* * *

_Mother_ (_to child who has been naughty_): "Aren't you rather ashamed
of yourself?"

_Child:_ "Well, Mother, I wasn't. But now that you've suggested it I
am."

* * *





Next: A Consoling Thought




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