The Gloomy Guest
Cause And Effect
What He Preferred
Random Stories Jokes
Opening Father's Eyes
How He Did It
Stories Jokes Home
The World War has incited veterans of the Civil War to new reminiscences
of old happenings. One of these is based on the fact that furloughs were
especially difficult to obtain when the Union army was in front of
Petersburg, Virginia. But a certain Irishman was resolved to get a
furlough in spite of the ban. He went to the colonel's tent, and was
permitted to enter. He saluted, and delivered himself thus:
"Colonel, I've come to ax you to allow me the pleasure of a furlough for
a visit home. I've been in the field now three years, an' never home yet
to see me family. An' I jest had a letter from me wife wantin' av me to
come home to see her an' the children."
The colonel shook his head decisively.
"No, Mike," he replied. "I'm sorry, but to tell the truth, I don't think
you ought to go home. I've jest had a letter from your wife myself. She
doesn't want you to come home. She writes me that you'd only get drunk,
and disgrace her and the children. So you'd better stay right here until
your term of service expires."
"All right, sir," Mike answered, quite cheerfully. He saluted and went
to the door of the tent. Then he faced about.
"Colonel dear," he inquired in a wheedling voice, "would ye be after
pardonin' me for a brief remark jist at this toime?"
"Yes, certainly," the officer assented.
"Ye won't git mad an' put me in the guard house for freein' me mind, so
"No, indeed! Say what you wish to."
"Well, thin, Colonel darlint, I'm afther thinkin' thar are at the
prisint moment in this tint two of the biggest liars in all the Army of
the Potomic, an' sure I'm one av thim--I have no wife."