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No Doubt

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"Lend me ten, Tom."

"I think not."

"You won't?"

"I won't."

"You've no doubt of my character, have you?"

"I haven't."

"Well, why won't you, then?"

"Because I have no doubt of your character."

* * *

_Officer_ (_drilling recruits_): Hey, you, in case of fire, what do you
do?

_Recruit:_ I yell.

_Officer:_ Yell what?

_Recruit:_ Why, what do you suppose? Cease firing.

* * *

_Doctor_ (_at door, to butler_): Tell your master the doctor is here.

_Butler:_ The master is in great pain, sir. He is receiving nobody.

* * *

_Young Woman_ (_holding out hand_): Will you please tell me how to
pronounce the name of the stone in this ring? Is it turkoise or
turkwoise?

_Jeweler_ (_after inspecting it_): The correct pronunciation is "glass."

* * *

Once, in a rush season, an office boy was kept working overtime for
several nights. He didn't like it, and growled to his boss: "You've kept
me workin' every night till 9 o'clock for three nights runnin' now, and
I'm worn out, Mr. Brown. I ain't no machine. I can't go forever." His
boss gave a hard laugh. "Wrong!" he said. "Wrong, my boy. You go forever
next pay day."

* * *

The bellboy of the Welcome Hotel has invented an ingenious system of
calling sleepy guests. The other night a man left instructions that he
wished to be called early. Next morning he was disturbed by a loud
tattoo upon the door. "Well?" he demanded sharply. "I've got a message
for you, sir." Yawning until he strained his face, the guest jumped out
of bed and unlocked the door. The bellboy handed him an envelope and
then went away quickly. The guest opened the envelope, and took out a
slip of paper bearing the words: "It's time to get up."

* * *

A negro was brought before a justice of the peace. He was suspected of
stealing. There were no witnesses, but appearances were against him. The
following dialogue took place:

"You've stolen no chickens?"

"No, sah."

"Have you stolen any geese?"

"No, sah."

"Any turkeys?"

"No, sah."

The man was discharged. As he stepped out of the dock he stopped before
the justice and said with a broad grin, "Fo' de Lawd, squire, if you'd
said ducks you'd 'a' had me."

* * *

A little boy, the youngest member of a large family, was taken to see
his married sister's new baby. He seemed more interested in the contents
of the baby's basket than in the baby, and after examining the pretty
trifles, picked up a powder-puff. Much surprised at his discovery, and
looking rather shocked, he said, "Isn't she rather young for that sort
of thing?"

* * *





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