Not What She Meant


_She:_ "I am sorry to hear that they have separated. Is there no chance

of their becoming reconciled?"



_He:_ "Oh, they seem to be _quite_ reconciled."



* * *



_He:_ "By the bye, talking of old times, do you remember that occasion

when I made such an awful ass of myself?"



_She:_ "Which?"



* * *



_Jones_ (_who is of an inquiring mind_): "Ain't you getting _tired_ of

hearing people say, 'That is the beautiful Miss Belsize!'?"



_Miss Belsize_ (_a professional beauty_): "Oh, no. I'm getting tired of

hearing people say, 'Is _that_ the beautiful Miss Belsize?'"



* * *



_Mrs. Montague Smart_ (_suddenly, to bashful youth, who has not opened

his lips since he was introduced to her a quarter of an hour ago_): "And

now let us talk of something else!"



* * *



_Mamma:_ "It's very late, Emily. Has anybody taken you down to supper?"



_Fair Debutante_ (_who has a fine healthy appetite_): "Oh, yes,

Mamma--several people!"



* * *



_Guest:_ "Well, good-bye, Old Man!--and you've really got a very nice

little place here!"



_Host:_ "Yes; but it's rather bare, just now. I hope the trees will have

grown a good bit before you're back, Old Man!"



* * *



_She:_ "No! I can't give you another dance. But I'll introduce you to

the prettiest girl in the room!"



_He:_ "But I don't _want_ to dance with the prettiest girl in the room.

I want to dance with _you_!"



* * *



"I warn you, Sir! The discourtesy of this bank is beyond all limits. One

word more and I--I withdraw my overdraft."



* * *



_Wife_ (_at upper window_): "Where you bin this hour of the night?"



"I've bin at me union, considerin' this 'ere strike."



"Well--you can stay down there an' consider this 'ere lock-out."



* * *



_Motor-Launch Officer_ (_who has rung for full-speed without result_):

"What's the matter?"



_Voice-from below:_ "One of the cylinders is missing, Sir."



_Commander:_ "Well, look sharp and find the bally thing--we want to get

on."



* * *



_Mother:_ "Did you remember to pray for everybody, dear?"



_Daughter:_ "Well, Mummy, I prayed for you, but Jack prayed for Daddy.

He's looking after him just now."



* * *



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