The Gloomy Guest
Cause And Effect
What He Preferred
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"You are a little goose!" remarked a young M.D. playfully to the girl he
was engaged to marry.
"Of course I am," was the laughing response; "haven't I got a quack?"
* * *
A Northern man in an optician's shop in Nashville overheard
an amusing conversation between the proprietor of the establishment and
an aged darkey who was just leaving the place with a pair of new
spectacles. As the old fellow neared the door his eye lighted upon an
extraordinary-looking instrument conspicuously placed upon a counter.
The venerable negro paused for several moments to gaze in open-mouthed
wonder at this thing, the like of which he had never seen before. After
a long struggle with his curiosity he was vanquished. Turning to the
optician, he asked: "What is it, boss?" "That is an opthalmometer,"
replied the optician in his gravest manner. "Sho," muttered the old man
to himself, as he backed out of the door, his eyes still fastened upon
the curious-looking thing on the counter. "Sho, dat's what I was afeared
* * *
In many of the rural districts of the United States where money does not
circulate with great rapidity services are paid for "in kind." Farmers,
for example, will give potatoes, eggs, etc., in payment for debts. A
young surgeon who had occasion to operate in one of these districts
hopefully approached the husband of the patient and asked for his fee,
which amounted to $100. "Doc," said the old man, "I haven't much ready
cash on hand. Suppose you let me pay you in kind." "Well, I guess that
will be all right," replied the young doctor, cheerfully. "What do you
deal in?" "Horseradish, doc," answered the old man.
* * *
The ferryboat was well on her way when a violent storm arose. The
ferryman and his mate, both Highlanders, held a consultation, and after
a short debate the ferryman turned to his passengers and remarked,
anxiously: "We'll just tak' your tuppences now, for we dinna ken what
micht come over us."
* * *
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