A Scotch missionary in the Far East suffered ill fortune in his

marriages, for two wives in succession yielded to the trying climate and

died. The missionary had depended on the Board at home to select his

previous mates, and he wrote for a third. When due time had elapsed, he

journeyed to the seaport to meet the steamer by which his new mate

should arrive. At the appointed hour, as the boat drew in, he stood on

the dock anxiously waiting. Among the few passengers to descend the

gangplank, it was easy for him to select the one destined for him. At

sight of her, he shuddered slightly, and a groan burst from his lips.



"Freckles," he muttered despairingly, "and red headed, and with

squint--for the third time!--and after all my prayers!"



* * *



Charles had attained the age of five when he attended a football game

for the first time. It cannot be doubted that he was profoundly

impressed by the excitement on the gridiron, for at bedtime his mother

was horrified to hear him utter his nightly prayer thus:



"God bless papa! God bless mama! God bless Charlie! Rah! Rah! Rah!"



* * *



At the request of his wife, the husband opened a can of peaches. When he

finally reappeared, the wife asked demurely:



"What did you use to open that can, Jim?"



"Can-opener, of course," the husband grunted. "What d'ye think I opened

it with?"



"From the language I heard, I thought perhaps you were opening it with

prayer."



* * *



The newspaper report of the special Sunday services contained the

following impressive description of the prayer:



"The most eloquent prayer ever addressed to a Boston audience."



* * *



The New York Sun published the following:



The toys had been reluctantly laid aside and in her dainty nightie the

little girl, scarcely more than a baby, knelt at her mother's knee.



The eyes, which all day long are alight with mischief, were reverently

closed, and as she haltingly uttered the words of the old, yet ever

young child's prayer her rapt face, raised occasionally from her dimpled

hands, took on an expression almost seraphic in its innocent purity.



With a fervent "Amen" she ended her supplication, then jumped up, eyes

dancing, and exclaimed:



"Now let's say 'Little Jack Horner sat in the corner.' I knows it

better, Muvver."



* * *



A little boy was asked if he prayed when he attended church, and he

answered that he always did. On being questioned as to the nature of his

prayer, he explained that he always repeated it when the others in the

congregation made their silent prayer just before the sermon, and he

added further:



"I just say the little prayer mother taught me--'Now I lay me down to

sleep.'"



* * *



A prayer showing a ghastly confusion of metaphors is on record as having

been offered extemporaneously in behalf of Queen Adelaide during the

reign of that sovereign. The words as quoted were these:



"O Lord, save thy servant, our Sovereign Lady, the Queen. Grant that as

she grows an old woman, she may become a new man. Strengthen her with

Thy blessing that she may live a pure virgin, bringing her sons and

daughters to the glory of God. And give her grace that she may go before

her people like a he-goat upon the mountains."



* * *



As the boat was sinking, the skipper lifted his voice to ask:



"Does anybody know how to pray?"



One man spoke confidently in answer:



"Yes, Captain, I do."



The captain nodded.



"That's all right then," he declared. "You go ahead and pray. The rest

of us will put on life-belts. They're one short."