The Gloomy Guest
Cause And Effect
What He Preferred
Played Them Both Up
Random Stories Jokes
Once Too Often
A Good Match
Stories Jokes Home
On the first morning of the voyage, the vessel ran into a nasty choppy
sea, which steadily grew worse. There were twenty-five passengers at the
captain's table for dinner, and he addressed them in an amiable
"I hope that all twenty-five of you will have a pleasant trip." The soup
appeared, and he continued: "I sincerely hope that this little assembly
of twenty-four will thoroughly enjoy the voyage. I look upon these
twenty-two smiling faces as a father upon his family, for I am
responsible for the safety of this group of seventeen. And now I ask
that all fourteen of you join me in drinking to a merry trip. Indeed, I
believe that we eight are most congenial, and I applaud the good fortune
that brought these three persons to my table. You and I, my dear sir,
are---- Here, steward, clear away all those dishes, and bring me the
* * *
The pair on their honeymoon were crossing the Channel, and the movement
of the waves seemed to be going on right inside the bride. In a fleeting
moment of internal calm she murmured pathetically to the bridegroom in
whose arms she was clasped:
"Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, do you love me?"
"My darling!" he affirmed. "You know I love you with all my heart and
soul--I worship you, I adore you, my precious oontsy-woontsy!"
The boat reeled, and a sickening pang thrilled through all the
foundations of the bride's being.
"O dear, O dear!" she gasped. "I hoped that might help a little, but it
didn't--not a bit!"
* * *
The seasick voyager on the ocean bowed humbly over the rail and made
libation to Neptune. The kindly old gentleman who stood near remarked
"You have a weak stomach."
The victim paused in his distressing occupation to snort indignantly:
"Weak? Humph! I guess I can throw as far as anybody on this ship."
* * *
The wife of the seasick passenger was about to leave the stateroom for
dinner. She inquired of her husband solicitously:
"George, shall I have the steward bring some dinner to you here?"
"No," was the reply, haltingly given between groans.
"But I wish, my dear, you would ask him to take it on deck and throw it
over the rail for me."
* * *
The moralizing gentleman at the club remarked ponderously:
"If there is anything in a man, travel will bring it out."
One who had just landed from a rough crossing agreed bitterly:
"Especially ocean travel."