Troublesome Customer


A woman who had visited every department of one of the big London shops

and worried the majority of the salesmen without spending a penny, so

exasperated one of them that he ventured to make a mild protest.

"Madam," he asked, "are you shopping here?"



The lady looked surprised, but not by any means annoyed. "Certainly!"

she replied. "What else should I be doing?"



For a moment the salesman hes
tated; then he blurted out, "Well, madam,

I thought perhaps you were taking an inventory!"



* * *



_Officer_ (_to sailor who has rescued him from drowning_): Thank you,

Smith. To-morrow I will thank you before all the crew at retreat.



_Sailor:_ Don't do that, sir, they'll half kill me!



* * *



_Steward:_ Can I do anything for you, sir?



_Passenger_ (_faintly_): You might present my compliments to the chief

engineer and ask him if there is any hope of the boilers blowing up.



* * *



_Lady_ (_to box office manager_): Can you tell me what they are playing

to-morrow night?



* * *



_Box Office Manager:_ "You Never Can Tell," Madam.



_Lady:_ Don't they even let you know?



* * *



_Village Idiot:_ Beg pardon, mam, seeing you're painting the church, I

thought I'd better tell you the clock is ten minutes fast.



* * *



_Employer_ (_rebuking employee for slackness_): Have you any idea of the

meaning of "Esprit de Corps"?



_Stenographer:_ No, I haven't, and if it's anything vulgar I don't want

to.



* * *



_Sympathetic Lady:_ What's the matter with your hand, my little man?



_Boy:_ Sawed the top of my finger off.



_Sympathetic Lady:_ Dear, dear, how did you do that?



_Boy:_ Sawing.



* * *



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