Wild Women
The old sea captain was surrounded at the tea party, to which his wife
had dragged him, much against his will, by a group of women pestering
him for a story from his adventures. Finally, at the end of his
patience, he began.
"Once, I was shipwrecked on the coast of South America, and there I came
across a tribe of wild women, who had no tongues."
"Mercy!" exclaimed all the fair listeners with one voice. "But they
couldn't talk."
"That," snapped the old sea captain, "was what made them wild."
More
-
Values
An American girl who married a Bavarian baron enjoyed playing Lady Bountiful among the tenants on her husband's estate. On the death of the wife of one of the cottagers, she called to condole with the bereaved widower. She uttered her formal express... Vanity
The fair penitent explained to the confessor how greatly she was grieved by an accusing conscience. She bewailed the fact that she was sadly given over to personal vanity. She added that on this very morning she had gazed into her mirror and had yie... Victory
That celebrated statue, the Winged Victory, has suffered during the centuries to the extent of losing its head and other less vital parts. When the Irish tourist was confronted by this battered figure in the museum, and his guide had explained that ... Wants Her Rights
_He:_ "There is nothing like experience after all. She is our greatest teacher." _She:_ "And there is no holding back her salary, either." * * * "And are you a good needlewoman and renovator, and willin... Weather
The old colored attendant at the court house had a formula for addressing the judge: "What's the news this mawnin', Jedge?" And the judge's habitual reply was to the effect that there was no news in particular. But one morning, in answer to ... Wedding Declared Off
_John Willie_ (_pleadingly_): "Why can't we be married right away, Elsie?" _Elsie_ (_coyly_): "Oh, I can't bear to leave father alone just now." _John Willie_ (_earnestly_): "But, my darling, he has had you such a very long time." _Elsie_ (_... Whales
At the time when petroleum began to be used instead of whale oil for burning in lamps, a kindly old lady was deeply perturbed by the change. "What," she wanted to know, "will the poor whales do now?" ... What Did He Mean?
A merchant in a Wisconsin town who had a Swedish clerk sent him out to do some collecting. When he returned from an unsuccessful trip he reported: "Yim Yonson say he vill pay ven he sells his hogs. Yim Olson he vill pay ven he sell his wheat and ... What He Preferred
"And did you say you preferred charges against this man?" asked the Judge, looking over his gold-rimmed spectacles. "No, Your Honour," was the quick reply of the man to whom money was owed; "I prefer the cash!" "Wot was the last card Oi dealt y... What He Preferred
He was one of the few remaining old-time darkies. He had finished the odd jobs for which he had been employed, and, hat in hand, appeared at the back door. "How much is it, uncle?" he was asked. "Yo' say how much? Jest whatever yo' say, missus.... Whiskers
An elderly man was on his way home by train from a session of three days at a convention of his political party. (This was antedating the era of prohibition.) The man's personal preferences had been gratified in the nominations at the convention, an... Why He Picked Pictish
An English mother was visiting her son at college. "Well, dear," she said, "what languages did you decide to take?" "I have decided to take Pictish, mother," he replied. "Pictish?" said the puzzled lady. "Why Pictish?" "Only five words of i... Why Indeed
_The Husband:_ "Why is it that women always say, 'I'll be ready in two seconds'?" _The Wife:_ "Humph! and why is it that men always say, 'Oh! _I'm_ ready _now_'?" * * * _Madge:_ "Have you given Jack yo... Widow
One of the ladies assembled at the club was describing the wedding she had just attended: "And then, just as Frank and the widow started up the aisle to the altar, every light in the church went out." The listeners exclaimed over the catastroph... Widowhood
During the parade at the last encampment of the G.A.R., a woman in the crowd of spectators made herself not only conspicuous, but rather a nuisance by the way she carried on. She waved a flag with such vigor as to endanger the bystanders and yelled ... Wife
A young skeptic in the congregation once interrupted Billy Sunday with the question: "Who was Cain's wife?" The Evangelist answered in all seriousness: "I honor every seeker after knowledge of the truth. But I have a word of warning for this... Wild Women
The old sea captain was surrounded at the tea party, to which his wife had dragged him, much against his will, by a group of women pestering him for a story from his adventures. Finally, at the end of his patience, he began. "Once, I was shipwrec... Wisdom
It's a wise child that goes out of the room to laugh when the old man mashes his thumb. ... With A Reservation
"Miss Smith--Belinda," sighed the young man, passionately, "there is something I want to tell you--something that I----" "What is it?" asked the girl, as she leaned back in her chair, with a bored expression on her face. The young man drew a lo... Woman
A cynic, considering the fact that women was the last thing made by God, asserts that the product shows both His experience and His fatigue. * * * The following extract is from the diary of a New England w... Woman Suffrage
During the agitation in behalf of woman's suffrage, an ardent advocate pleaded with a tired-looking married woman, and said: "Just think! Wouldn't you love to go with your husband to the voting place, and there cast your vote along with his?" T... Wrong Brother
A wealthy gentleman has a brother who is hard of hearing, while he himself is remarkable for having a very prominent nose. Once, this gentleman dined at a friend's house, where he sat between two young ladies who talked to him very loudly, rather ...