Artemas Ward said:

"When I am sad, I sing, and then others are sad with me."

* * *

The optimistic pessimist explained why he always dined in restaurants

where music was provided.

"Because it works two ways: sometimes the music helps to make me forget

the food, and sometimes the food helps to make me forget the music."

* * *

The young man, who was interested in natural history, was sitting on the

porch one June evening with his best girl, who was interested in music.

The rhythmic shrilling of the insects pulsed on the air, and from the

village church down the street came the sounds of choir practise. The

young man gave his attention to the former, the girl to the latter; and

presently she spoke eagerly:

"Oh, don't it sound grand!"

The young man nodded, and answered:

"Yes, indeed! and it's interesting to think that they do it all with

their hind legs."

* * *

The boy violinist, played at a private musical, rendering a difficult

concerto, which contained some particularly long rests for the soloist:

During one of these intervals, a kindly dowager leaned toward the

performer, and whispered loudly:

"Why don't you play something that you know, my boy?"

* * *

The apoplectic and grumpy old gentleman in the crowded restaurant was

compelled to sit, much against his will, next to the orchestra. His

stare at the leader as the jazz selection came to an end. The annoyed

patron snorted, and then asked:

"Would you be so kind as to play something by request?"

The leader bowed again and beamed.

"Certainly," he replied; "anything you like, sir."

"Then," snapped the patron, "please be good enough to play a game of

checkers while I finish my meal."

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