The Greatest Moral Engine
Say what you will, it's no use talking, poverty is more potent and
powerful, as a moral engine, than all the "sermons and soda water," law,
logic, and prison discipline, ever started. All a man wants, while he
has a chance to be honest, and to get along smoothly, is a good
situation and two dollars a day; give him five dollars a day, and he
gets lazy and careless; while at ten, or a hundred a day, he is sure to
cultiva
roue, or a rotten politician. A poor man, in misery, applies to God
for consolation, while a rich man applies to his banker, and tries on a
"bender," or goes on a tour to Europe, and studies foreign folly and
French license. Poverty is great; in a Christian community, or a
thriving village, it is equal to "martial law," in suppressing moral
rebellion and keeping down the "dander!" And how faithful, too, is
poverty, says Dr. Litterage, for it sticks to a man after all his
friends and the rest of mankind have deserted him!
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People Do Differ!
Fifty years ago, Uncle Sam was almost a stranger on the maps; he hadn't a friend in the world, apparently, while he had more enemies than he could shake a stick at. Every body snubbed him, and every body wanted to lick him. But Sam has now grown t... Philosophy Of The Times
The philosophy of the present age is peculiarly the philosophy of outsides. Few dive deeper into the human breast than the bosom of the shirt. Who could doubt the heart that beats beneath a cambric front? or who imagine that hand accustomed to dir... Pills And Persimmons
I remember an old "Joke" told me by my father, of an old, and rather addle-headed gentleman, who some fifty years ago did business in New Castle, Delaware, and having occasion to send out to England for hardware, wrote his order, and as he was abo... Practical Philosophy
Skinflint and old Jack Ringbolt had a dispute on Long Wharf, a few days since, upon a religious pint. Jack argued the matter upon a specie basis, and Skinflint took to "moral suasion." Jack went in for equal division of labor and money--all over t... Presence Of Mind
Mr. Davenport--the "Ned Davenport" of the Bowery boys--before sailing for Europe and while attached to the Bowery Theatre, was of the lean and hungry kind. In fact he was extremely lean--tall as a may-pole, and slender enough to crawl through a gr... Putting Me On A Platform!
Human nature doubtless has a great many weak points, and no few bipeds have a great itching after notoriety and fame. Fame, I am credibly informed, is not unlike a greased pig, always hard chased, but too eternal slippery for every body to hold on... Quartering Upon Friends
City-bred people have a pious horror of the country in winter, and no great regard for country visitors at any time, however much they may "let on" to the contrary. In rushing hot weather, when the bricks and mortar, the stagnated, oven-like ai... Ralph Waldo Emerson
Of all the public lecturers of our time and place, none have attracted more attention from the press, and consequently the people, than RALPH WALDO EMERSON. Lecturing has become quite a fashionable science--and now, instead of using the old sty... Rather Twangy
Three Irishmen, green as the Isle that per-duced 'em, but full of sin, and fond of the crater, broke into a country store down in Maine, one night last week, and after striking a light, they lit upon a large demijohn, having the suspicious look of... Roosting Out
In 1837, after the capture of Santa Anna, by General Samuel Houston and his little Spartan band, which event settled the war, and something like tranquillity being restored to Texas, several of us adventurers formed a small hunting party, and took... Scientific Labor
"Bob, what yer doing now?" "Aiding Nat'ral History." "Aiding Nat'ral History--what do yer mean by that?" "Why every time the kangaroo jumps over the monkey, I hold his tail up." ... Selling A Landlord
During the great gathering of people in Quakerdom, while the Whigs were dovetailing in Old Zack, an artful dodger, a queer quizzing Boston friend of mine, thought a little side play wouldn't be out of the way, so to work he goes to get up a muss, ... Snaking Out Sturgeons
We have roared until our ribs fairly ached, at the relation of the following "item" on sturgeons, by a loquacious friend of ours:-- It appears our friend was located on the Kennebec river, a few years ago, and had a number of hands employed abou... Sure Cure
Travel is a good invention to cure the blues and condense worldly effects. When Cutaway went to California, "I carried," said he, "a pile of despondency, and more baggage, boots, and boxes, than would fit out a caravan. After an absence of just fo... Taking Down A Sheriff
Ex-honorable John Buck, once the "representative" of a district out West, a lawyer originally, and finally a gentleman at large, and Jeremy Diddler generally, took up his quarters in Philadelphia, years ago, and putting himself upon his dignity, h... The Advertisement
Sit down for a moment, we will not detain you long, our story will interest you, we are sure, for it is most commendable, brief, and--singularly true. A poor widow, in the city of Philadelphia, was the mother of three pretty children, orphans o... The Bigger Fool The Better Luck
The American "Ole Bull," young Howard, one of the most scientific crucifiers of the violin we ever heard, gave us a call t'other day, and not only discoursed heavenly music upon his instrument, but gave us the "nub" of a few jokes worth dishing up... The Broomstick Marriage
"Marry in haste and repent at leisure," is a time-honored idea, and calls to mind a matrimonial circumstance which, according to pretty lively authority, once came about in the glorious Empire State. A certain Captain of a Lake Erie steamer, who w... The Emperor And The Poor Author
"The pen is mightier than the sword." Great men are not the less liable or addicted to very small, and very mean, and sometimes very rascally acts, but they are always fortunate in having any amount of panegyric graven on marble slabs, shaf... The Exorbitancy Of Meanness
Few extravaganzas of man or woman lay such a heavy stress upon the pocket-book or purse as meanness. This may seem paradoxical, but it's nothing of the kind. How many thousands to save a cent, walk a mile! How many to cut down expenses, cut off a ... The Fitzfaddles At Hull
"Well, well, drum no more about it, for mercy's sake; if you must go, you must go, that's all." "Yes, just like you, Fitzfaddle"--pettishly reiterates the lady of the middle-aged man of business; "mention any thing that would be gratifying to t... The Greatest Moral Engine
Say what you will, it's no use talking, poverty is more potent and powerful, as a moral engine, than all the "sermons and soda water," law, logic, and prison discipline, ever started. All a man wants, while he has a chance to be honest, and to get... The Leg Of Mutton
I'm going to state to you the remarkable adventures of a very remarkable man, who went to market to get a leg of mutton for his Sunday dinner. I have heard, or read somewhere or other, almost similar stories; whether they were real or imaginary, I... The Man That Knew 'em All
If you have ever "been around" some, and taken notice of things, you have doubtless seen the man who knows pretty much every thing and every body! I've seen them frequently. As the old preacher observed to a venerable lady, in reference to fore... The Perils Of Wealth
Money is admitted to be--there is no earthly use of dodging the fact--the lever of the whole world, by which it and its multifarious cargo of men and matters, mountains and mole hills, wit, wisdom, weal, woe, warfare and women, are kept in motion,... The Pigeon Express Man
In nearly all yarns or plays in which Yankees figure, they are supposed to be "a leetle teu darn'd ceute" for almost any body else, creating a heap of fun, and coming out clean ahead; but that even Connecticut Yankees--the cutest and all firedest ... The Question Settled
"Doctor" Gumbo, who "does business" somewhere along shore, met "Prof." White,--a gemman, whose complexion is four shades darker than the famed ace of spades,--a few evenings since, in front of the Blade office, and after the usual formalities of g... The Race Of The Aldermen
In 183-, it chanced in the big city of New York, that the aldermen elect were a sort of tie; that is, so many whigs and so many democrats. Such a thing did not occur often, the democracy usually having the supremacy. They generally had things pret... The Re-union Thanksgiving Story
"Behold, for peace I had great bitterness, but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back."--Isaiah. A portly elderly gentleman, with one hand in his breech... The Science Of Diddling
Jeremy Diddlers have existed from time immemorial down, as traces of them are found in all ancient and modern history, from the Bible to Shakspeare, from Shakspeare to the revelations of George Gordon Byron, who strutted his brief hour, acted his ... The Skipper's Schooner
No better specimen of the genus, genuine Yankee nation, can be found, imagined or described, than the skippers of along shore, from Connecticut river to Eastport, Maine. These critters give full scope to the Hills and Hacketts of the stage, and th... The Story Of Capt Paul
I love to speak, I love to write of the mighty West. I have passed ten happy and partly pleasant years travelling over the immense tracts of land of the West and South. I have, during that time, garnered up endless themes for my pen. It was my cus... The Tribulations Of Incivility
"A gentleman by the name of Collins stopping with you?" "Collins?" was the response. "Yes, Collins, or Collings, I ain't sure which," said the hardy-looking, bronzed seaman, to the gaily-dressed, flippant-mannered, be-whiskered man of vast im... The Troubles Of A Mover
"Mr. Flash in?" "Mr. Flash? Don't know any such person, my son." "Why, he lives here!" continued the boy. "Guess not, my son; I live here." "Well, this is the house, for I brought the things here." "What things?" says our friend, Flann... The Two Johns At The Tremont
It is somewhat curious that more embarrassments, and queer contre temps do not take place in the routine of human affairs, when we find so many persons floating about of one and the same name. It must be shocking to be named John Brown, troublesom... The Vagaries Of Nature
Nature seems to have her fitful, frightful, and funny moods, as well as all her children. Now she gets up a stone bridge, the gigantic proportions and the symmetrical development of which attract great attention from all tourists and historians wh... The Washerwoman's Windfall
Some years ago, there lived, dragged and toiled, in one of our "Middle States," or Southern cities, and old lady, named Landon, the widow of a lost sea captain; and as a dernier resort, occurring in many such cases, with a family of children to pr... The Wolf Slayer
In 1800 the most of the State of Ohio, and nearly all of Indiana, was a dense wilderness, where the gaunt wolf and naked savage were masters of the wild woods and fertile plains, which now, before the sturdy blows of the pioneer's axe, and the far... The Yankee In A Boarding School
"Well, squire, as I wer' tellin' on ye, when I went around pedlin' notions, I met many queer folks; some on 'em so darn'd preoud and sassy, they wouldn't let a feller look at 'em; a-n-d 'd shut their doors and gates, bang into a feller's face, jes... Used Up
I am tempted to believe, that few--very few men can start in the world--say at twenty, with a replete invoice of honesty, free and easy--kind, generous--good-natured disposition, and keep it up, until they greet their fortieth year. There are, dou... Waking Up The Wrong Passenger
In "comparing notes" with a travelled friend, I glean from his stock of information, gathered South-west, a few incidents in the life of a somewhat extensively famed Boston panoramic artist--one of which incidents, at least, is worth rehearsing. S... Wanted A Young Man From The Country
All of our mercantile cities are overrun with young men who have been bred for the counter or desk, and thousands of these genteel young gents find it any thing but an easy matter to find bread or situations half their time, in these crowded marts...