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All Jests Page 5
A Closer
SOME person caused the following inscription to be placed over the door of a house, Let nothing enter here but what is good.--Then where will the master go in? asked a cynic. ...
A Coat-of-arms
A GREAT pretender to gentility Came to a herald for his pedigree: The herald, knowing what he was, begun To rumble o'er his heraldry; which done, Told him he was a gentleman of note, And that he had a very glorious coat. ...
A Cockney Epigram
In Parliament, it's plain enough, No reverence for age appears; For they who hear each speaker's stuff, Find there is no respect for (y) ears. ...
A Cold Compliment
A COXCOMB, teasing Dr. Parr with an account of his petty ailments, complained that he could never go out without catching cold in his head. No wonder, returned the doctor; you always go out without anything in it. ...
A Colorable Excuse
A LADY who painted her face, asked Parsons how he thought she looked. I can't tell, madam, he replied, except you uncover your face. ...
A Colorable Resemblance
TWO silly brothers, twins, who were very much about town in Theodore Hook's time, took pains, by dressing alike, to deceive their friends as to their identity. Tom Hill (the original of Paul Pry) was expatiating upon these modern Dromios, at which H...
A Comedian And A Lawyer
A FEW years ago, when Billy Burton, the American actor, was in his trouble, a young lawyer was examining him as to how he had spent his money. There was about three thousand pounds unaccounted for, when the attorney put on a severe scrutinizing face...
A Common Case
A SAILOR meeting an old acquaintance, whom the world had frowned upon a little, asked him where he lived? Where I live, said he, I don't know; but I starve towards Wapping, and that way. ...
A Common Want
IN the midst of a stormy discussion, a gentleman rose to settle the matter in dispute. Waving his hands majestically over the excited disputants, he began:-- Gentlemen, all I want is common sense-- Exactly, Jerrold interrupted, that is precisel...
A Comparison
DURING the assizes, in a case of assault and battery, where a stone had been thrown by the defendant, the following clear and conclusive evidence was drawn out of a Yorkshireman:-- Did you see the defendant throw the stone?--I saw a stone, and I'z...
A Comparison
AN attorney, says Sterne, is the same thing to a barrister that an apothecary is to a physician, with this difference, that your lawyer does not deal in scruples. ...
A Comparison
IT is with narrow-souled people as with narrow-necked bottles,--the less they have in them, the more noise they make in pouring it out. ...
A Compliment Ill-received
A PERSON who dined in company with Dr. Johnson endeavored to make his court to him by laughing immoderately at everything he said. The doctor bore it for some time with philosophical indifference; but the impertinent ha, ha, ha! becoming intolerable...
A Confirmed Invalid
A POOR woman, who had attended several confirmations, was at length recognized by the bishop. Pray, have I not seen you here before? said his lordship. Yes, replied the woman, I get me conform'd as often as I can; they tell me it is good for the rhe...
A Conjugal Caution
SIR GEORGE ETHEREGE, having run up a score at Lockit's, absented himself from the ordinary. In consequence of this, Mrs. Lockit was sent to dun him and threaten him with an action. He told the messenger that he would certainly kiss her if she stirre...
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A Walking Stick
Idolatry
Erudite
White Teeth
An Honor To Tipperary
Ingratitude
Welsh Wig-ging
A New Sign
Least Viewed
The Tanner; An Epigram
A Pertinent Question
Henry Erskine
Walpoliana
Very Likely
A Seasonable Joke
Measure For Measure
The Debt Paid