Envy
A DRUNKEN man was found in the suburbs of Dublin, lying on his face, by
the roadside, apparently in a state of physical unconsciousness. He is
dead, said a countryman of his, who was looking at him. Dead! replied
another, who had turned him with his face uppermost; by the powers, I
wish I had just half his disease!--in other words, a moiety of the
whiskey he had drunk.
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Dunning And Lord Thurlow
WHEN it was the custom for barristers to leave chambers early, and to finish their evenings at the coffee-houses in the neighborhood of the inns of court, Lord Thurlow on some occasion wanted to see Dunning privately. He went to the coffee-house fre... Duplex Movement
A WORTHY alderman, captain of a volunteer corps, was ordering his company to fall back, in order to dress with the line, and gave the word, Advance three paces back-wards! march! ... Early Birds Of Prey
A MERCHANT having been attacked by some thieves at five in the afternoon, said: Gentlemen, you open shop early to-day. ... Early Habits
THERE was in Wilkes's time a worthy person, who had risen from the condition of a bricklayer to be an alderman of London. Among other of his early habits, the civic dignitary retained that of eating everything with his fingers. One day a choice bit ... Easily Answered
A CERTAIN Lord Mayor hearing of a gentleman who had had the small-pox twice, and died of it, asked, if he died the first time or the second. ... Easily Satisfied
A COWARDLY fellow having spoken impertinently to a gentleman, received a violent box of the ear. He demanded whether that was meant in earnest. Yes, sir, replied the other, without hesitation. The coward turned away, saying, I am glad of it, sir, fo... Ebenezer Adams
THIS celebrated Quaker, on visiting a lady of rank, whom he found six months after the death of her husband, sitting on a sofa covered with black cloth, and in all the dignity of woe, approached her with great solemnity, and gently taking her by the... Elegant Compliment
MR. HENRY ERSKINE, being one day in London, in company with the Duchess of Gordon, said to her, Are we never again to enjoy the honor and pleasure of your grace's society at Edinburgh?--O! answered her grace, Edinburgh is a vile dull place--I hate i... Elegant Retort
IT is a common occurrence in the University of Cambridge for the undergraduates to express their approbation or disapprobation of the Vice-Chancellor, on the resignation of his office. Upon an occasion of this kind, a certain gentleman had enacted s... Elliston And George Iv
IN 1824, when the question of erecting a monument to Shakespeare, in his native town, was agitated by Mr. Mathews and Mr. Bunn, the King (George IV.) took a lively interest in the matter, and, considering that the leading people of both the patent t... Eloquent Silence
YOU have already read that section four times, Mr. ----, said Maule to a prosing counsel. It's iteration! It's ----, I use no epithet, it is iteration; his look implying the anathema. ... Emperor Of China
SIR G. STAUNTON related a curious anecdote of old Kien Long, Emperor of China. He was inquiring of Sir George the manner in which physicians were paid in England. When, after some difficulty, his majesty was made to comprehend the system, he exclaim... Encouragement
A YOUNG counsel commenced his stammering speech with the remark, The unfortunate client who appears by me-- and then he came to a full stop; beginning again, after an embarrassed pause with a repetition of the remark, My unfortunate client--. He did... Entering The Lists
THE Duke of B----, who was to have been one of the knights of the Eglinton tournament, was lamenting that he was obliged to excuse himself, on the ground of an attack of the gout. How, said he, could I ever get my poor puffed legs into those abomina... Envy
A DRUNKEN man was found in the suburbs of Dublin, lying on his face, by the roadside, apparently in a state of physical unconsciousness. He is dead, said a countryman of his, who was looking at him. Dead! replied another, who had turned him with his... Epigram
YOU say, without reward or fee, Your uncle cur'd me of a dang'rous ill; I say he never did prescribe for me, The proof is plain,--I'm living still. ... Epigram
(On the column to the Duke of York's memory.) IN former times the illustrious dead were burned, Their hearts preserved in sepulchre inurned; This column, then, commemorates the part Which custom makes us single out--the heart; ... Epigram
IT is rumored that a certain Royal Duke has expressed a determination never to shave until the Reform Bill is crushed entirely.--Court Journal. 'Tis right that Cumberland should be In this resolve so steady, For all the world declare... Epigram
(A good word for Ministers.) THE Whigs 'tis said have often broke Their promises which end in smoke; Thus their defence I build; Granted in office they have slept, Yet sure those promises are kept Which never are ful... Epigram
BY a friend of Sir Turncoat 'twas lately averr'd, The electors would find him as good as his word! As good as his word, did you say, gracious me! What a terrible scamp little Turncoat must be! ... Epigram
(On bank notes being made a legal tender.) THE privilege hard money to demand, It seems but fair the public should surrender; For I confess I ne'er could understand Why cash called hard, should be a legal tender. ... Epigram
YOU beat your pate, and fancy wit will come: Knock as you will, there's nobody at home. ... Epigram
(On interminable harangues.) YE fates that hold the vital shears, If ye be troubled with remorse, And will not cut ----'s thread of life, Cut then the thread of his discourse. ... Epigram
IF L--d--d--y has a grain of sense, He can be only half a lord 'tis clear; For from the fact we draw the inference, He's that which never has been made a peer. ... Epigram
(On the depth of Lord ---- arguments.) YES, in debate we must admit, His argument is quite profound; His reasoning's deep, for deuce a bit Can anybody see the ground. ... Epigram
(On the immortality of ----'s speeches.) THY speeches are immortal, O my friend, For he that hears them--hears them to no end. ... Epigram
(On Lord E--nb----h's pericranium.) LET none because of its abundant locks, Deceive themselves by thinking for a minute, That dandy E--nb----h's knowledge-box Has anything worth larceny within it. ... Epigram
LIFE is a lottery where we find That fortune plays full many a prank; And when poor ---- got his mind, 'Twas fortune made him draw a blank. ...