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Entering The Lists
THE Duke of B----, who was to have been one of the knights of the Eglinton tournament, was lamenting that he was obliged to excuse himself, on the ground of an attack of the gout. How, said he, could I ever get my poor puffed legs into those abomina... Envy
A DRUNKEN man was found in the suburbs of Dublin, lying on his face, by the roadside, apparently in a state of physical unconsciousness. He is dead, said a countryman of his, who was looking at him. Dead! replied another, who had turned him with his... Epigram
YOU say, without reward or fee, Your uncle cur'd me of a dang'rous ill; I say he never did prescribe for me, The proof is plain,--I'm living still. ... Epigram
(On the column to the Duke of York's memory.) IN former times the illustrious dead were burned, Their hearts preserved in sepulchre inurned; This column, then, commemorates the part Which custom makes us single out--the heart; ... Epigram
IT is rumored that a certain Royal Duke has expressed a determination never to shave until the Reform Bill is crushed entirely.--Court Journal. 'Tis right that Cumberland should be In this resolve so steady, For all the world declare... Epigram
(A good word for Ministers.) THE Whigs 'tis said have often broke Their promises which end in smoke; Thus their defence I build; Granted in office they have slept, Yet sure those promises are kept Which never are ful... Epigram
BY a friend of Sir Turncoat 'twas lately averr'd, The electors would find him as good as his word! As good as his word, did you say, gracious me! What a terrible scamp little Turncoat must be! ... Epigram
(On bank notes being made a legal tender.) THE privilege hard money to demand, It seems but fair the public should surrender; For I confess I ne'er could understand Why cash called hard, should be a legal tender. ... Epigram
YOU beat your pate, and fancy wit will come: Knock as you will, there's nobody at home. ... Epigram
(On interminable harangues.) YE fates that hold the vital shears, If ye be troubled with remorse, And will not cut ----'s thread of life, Cut then the thread of his discourse. ... Epigram
IF L--d--d--y has a grain of sense, He can be only half a lord 'tis clear; For from the fact we draw the inference, He's that which never has been made a peer. ... Epigram
(On the depth of Lord ---- arguments.) YES, in debate we must admit, His argument is quite profound; His reasoning's deep, for deuce a bit Can anybody see the ground. ... Epigram
(On the immortality of ----'s speeches.) THY speeches are immortal, O my friend, For he that hears them--hears them to no end. ... Epigram
(On Lord E--nb----h's pericranium.) LET none because of its abundant locks, Deceive themselves by thinking for a minute, That dandy E--nb----h's knowledge-box Has anything worth larceny within it. ... Epigram
LIFE is a lottery where we find That fortune plays full many a prank; And when poor ---- got his mind, 'Twas fortune made him draw a blank. ... Epigram
(On the alleged disinterestedness of a certain Prelate.) HE says he don't think of himself, And I'm to believe him inclined; For by the confession, the elf Admits that he's out of his mind. ... Epigram
(On Mr. Croker's reputation for being a wag.) THEY say his wit's refined! Thus is explained The seeming mystery--his wit is strained. ... Epigram
(On ----'s declaring his detestation of all meanness). IF really ---- do but loathe Things base or mean, I must confess I'd very freely take my oath, Self-love's a fault he don't possess. ... Epigram
(On Lord ----'s delivering his speeches in a sitting position, owing to excessive gout.) IN asserting that Z. is with villany rife, I very much doubt if the Whigs misreport him; Since two members attached to his person through life,... Epigram
(On ----'s late neglect of his judicial duties.) LORD ----'S left his circuit for a day, Which is to me a mystery profound; He leaves the circuit! he, of whom they say, That he delights in constant turning round. ... Epigram
A WATCH lost in a tavern! That's a crime; Then see how men by drinking lose their time. The watch kept time; and if time will away, I see no reason why the watch should stay. You say the key hung out, and you failed to lock it; ... Epigram
(On the sincerity of a certain prelate.) ---- ----'S discourses from his heart Proceed, as everybody owns; And thus they prove the poet's art, Who says that sermons are in stones. ... Epigram
HE that will never look upon an ass, Must lock his door and break his looking-glass. ... Epigram
(On the King's double dealing.) OF such a paradox as this, Before I never dreamt; The King of England has become, A subject of contempt!!! ...