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Epigram
A WATCH lost in a tavern! That's a crime; Then see how men by drinking lose their time. The watch kept time; and if time will away, I see no reason why the watch should stay. You say the key hung out, and you failed to lock it; ... Epigram
(On the sincerity of a certain prelate.) ---- ----'S discourses from his heart Proceed, as everybody owns; And thus they prove the poet's art, Who says that sermons are in stones. ... Epigram
HE that will never look upon an ass, Must lock his door and break his looking-glass. ... Epigram
(On the King's double dealing.) OF such a paradox as this, Before I never dreamt; The King of England has become, A subject of contempt!!! ... Epigram
CRIES Sylvia to a Reverend Dean, What reason can be given, Since marriage is a holy thing, That there are none in Heaven? There are no women, he replied. She quick returns the jest,-- Women there are, but I'm a... Epigram
(Accounting for the apostacy of ministers.) THE Whigs, because they rat and change To Toryism, all must spurn; Yet in the fact there's nothing strange, That Wigs should twist, or curl, or turn. ... Epigram
WHEN by a jury one is tried, Twelve of his equals are implied; Then W---- might attempt in vain, This sacred privilege to obtain. Since human nature ne'er on earth Gave to twelve equal scoundrels birth. ... Epigram
(On the oiled and perfumed ringlets of a certain Lord.) OF miracles this is sans doute the most rare, I ever perceived, heard reported, or read; A man with abundance of scents in his hair, Without the least atom of sense in his he... Epigram
THE jolly members of a toping club Like pipe-staves are, but hooped into a tub; And in a close confederacy link For nothing else, but only to hold drink. ... Epigram
(On Lord W----'s saying the independence of the House of Lords is gone.) THE independence of the Lords is gone, Says W----, to truth for once inclined; And to believe his lordship I am prone, Seeing that he himself is left behind.... Epigram
(On a certain M.P.'s indisposition.) HASTE son of Celsus, P--rc--v--l is ill; Dissect an ass before you try your skill. ... Epigram
(On the charge of illegally pawning brought against Captain B----, M.P.) IF it's true a newly made M.P. Has coolly pawned his landlord's property, As the said landlord certainly alleges, No more will Radicals and Whigs divide ... Epigram
(On a little member's versatility.) WHY little Neddy ---- yearns To rat, there is a reason strong, He needs be everything by turns, Who is by nature nothing long. ... Epigram
THAT Lord ---- owes nothing, one safely may say, For his creditors find he has nothing to pay. ... Epigram
(On ----'s ponderous speeches.) THOUGH Sir Edward has made many speeches of late, The House would most willingly spare them; For it finds they possess such remarkable weight, That it's really a trouble to bear them. ... Epigram
(On Alderman Wood's being afraid to pledge himself even to the principles he has always professed.) SURE in the House he'll do but little good Who lets I dare not, wait upon I WOOD (I would). ... Epigram
(Suggested by hearing a debate in the House of Commons.) TO wonder now at Balaam's ass were weak; Is there a night that asses do not speak? ... Epigram
(On hearing a prosing harangue from a certain Bishop.) WHEN he holds forth, his reverence doth appear So lengthily his subject to pursue, That listeners (out of patience) often fear He has indeed eternity in view. ... Epigram
TWO Harveys had a mutual wish To please in different stations; For one excelled in Sauce for Fish, And one in Meditations. Each had its pungent power applied To aid the dead and dying; This relishes a sole when f... Epigram
THE charity of Closefist give to fame, He has at last subscribed--how much?--his name. ... Epigram
THE proverb says, and no one e'er disputes, Nature the shoulder to the burden suits; Then nature gave to Saucemore with his head, Shoulders to carry half a ton of lead. ... Epigram
(On ----'s Veracity.) HE boasts about the truth I've heard, And vows he'd never break it; Why, zounds, a man must keep his word When nobody will take it. ... Epigram
(Upon the late Duke of Buckingham's moderate reform.) FOR Buckingham to hope to pit His bill against Lord Grey's is idle; Reform, when offered bit by bit, Is but intended for a bridle. ... Epigram
(Upon the trustworthiness of ---- ----.) HE'LL keep a secret well, or I'm deceived, For what he says will never be believed. ...