Epigram By A Plucked Man
EVERY Cantab, it is presumed, knows where Shelford Fen is, and that it
is famous for rearing geese. A luckless wight, who had the misfortune to
be plucked at his examination for the degree of B.A., when the Rev. T.
Shelford was his examiner, made the following extemporaneous epigram:--
I have heard they plucked geese upon Shelford Fen,
But never till now knew that Shelford plucked men.
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THAT Lord ---- owes nothing, one safely may say, For his creditors find he has nothing to pay. ... Epigram
(On ----'s ponderous speeches.) THOUGH Sir Edward has made many speeches of late, The House would most willingly spare them; For it finds they possess such remarkable weight, That it's really a trouble to bear them. ... Epigram
(On Alderman Wood's being afraid to pledge himself even to the principles he has always professed.) SURE in the House he'll do but little good Who lets I dare not, wait upon I WOOD (I would). ... Epigram
(Suggested by hearing a debate in the House of Commons.) TO wonder now at Balaam's ass were weak; Is there a night that asses do not speak? ... Epigram
(On hearing a prosing harangue from a certain Bishop.) WHEN he holds forth, his reverence doth appear So lengthily his subject to pursue, That listeners (out of patience) often fear He has indeed eternity in view. ... Epigram
TWO Harveys had a mutual wish To please in different stations; For one excelled in Sauce for Fish, And one in Meditations. Each had its pungent power applied To aid the dead and dying; This relishes a sole when f... Epigram
THE charity of Closefist give to fame, He has at last subscribed--how much?--his name. ... Epigram
THE proverb says, and no one e'er disputes, Nature the shoulder to the burden suits; Then nature gave to Saucemore with his head, Shoulders to carry half a ton of lead. ... Epigram
(On ----'s Veracity.) HE boasts about the truth I've heard, And vows he'd never break it; Why, zounds, a man must keep his word When nobody will take it. ... Epigram
(Upon the late Duke of Buckingham's moderate reform.) FOR Buckingham to hope to pit His bill against Lord Grey's is idle; Reform, when offered bit by bit, Is but intended for a bridle. ... Epigram
(Upon the trustworthiness of ---- ----.) HE'LL keep a secret well, or I'm deceived, For what he says will never be believed. ... Epigram
WHEN at the head of our most gracious king, Disloyal Collins did his pebble fling,-- Why choose, with tears the injured monarch said, So hard a stone to break so soft a head? ... Epigram
THY flattering picture, Phryne, 's like to thee Only in this, that you both painted be. ... Epigram
(On Bishop ----'s Religion.) THOUGH not a Catholic, his lordship has, 'Tis plain, strong disposition to a-mass (a mass). ... Epigram Addressed To Miss Edgeworth
WE every-day bards may Anonymous sign: That refuge, Miss Edgeworth, can never be thine: Thy writings, where satire and moral unite, Must bring forth the name of their author to light. Good and bad join in telling the source of t... Epigram By A Plucked Man
EVERY Cantab, it is presumed, knows where Shelford Fen is, and that it is famous for rearing geese. A luckless wight, who had the misfortune to be plucked at his examination for the degree of B.A., when the Rev. T. Shelford was his examiner, made th... Epigram From The Italian
HIS hair so black,--his beard so gray, 'Tis strange! But would you know the cause? 'Tis that his labors always lay, Less on his brain than on his jaws. ... Epigram On A Petit-maitre Physician
WHEN Pennington for female ills indites, Studying alone not what, but how he writes, The ladies, as his graceful form they scan, Cry, with ill-omened rapture,--Killing man! ... Epigram On A Student Being Put Out Of Commons For Missing
CHAPEL. TO fast and pray we are by Scripture taught: Oh could I do but either as I ought! In both, alas! I err; my frailty such,-- I pray too little, and I fast too much. ... Epigram On Cibber
IN merry Old England it once was the rule, The king had his poet and also his fool; But now we're so frugal, I'd have you to know it, That Cibber can serve both for fool and for poet. ... Epigram On Dr Glynn's Beauty
THIS morning, quite dead, Tom was found in his bed, Although he was hearty last night; 'Tis thought having seen Dr. Glynn in a dream, The poor fellow died of affright. ... Epigram On The Death Of Foote
FOOTE, from his earthly stage, alas! is hurled, Death took him off, who took off all the world. ... Epigram On The Duke Of 's Consistency
THAT he's ne'er known to change his mind, Is surely nothing strange; For no one yet could ever find He'd any mind to change. ... Epigram On The Marriage Of A Very Thin Couple
ST. PAUL has declared that, when persons, though twain, Are in wedlock united, one flesh they remain. But had he been by, when, like Pharaoh's kine pairing, Dr. Douglas, of Benet, espoused Miss Mainwaring, St. Peter, no doubt, w... Epigram On Two Contractors
TO gull the public two contractors come, One pilfers corn,--the other cheats in rum. Which is the greater knave, ye wits explain, A rogue in spirit, or a rogue in grain? ... Episcopal Sauce
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LIE heavy on him, Earth! for he Laid many heavy loads on thee! ... Epitaph On A Miser
READER, beware immoderate love of pelf, Here lies the worst of thieves,--who robbed himself. ... Epitaph Upon Peter Staggs
POOR Peter Staggs now rests beneath this rail, Who loved his joke, his pipe, and mug of ale; For twenty years he did the duties well, Of ostler, boots, and waiter at the Bell. But death stepped in, and ordered Peter Staggs ... Epitaphs
IF truth, perspicuity, wit, gravity, and every property pertaining to the ancient or modern epitaph, may be expected united in one single epitaph, it is in one made for Burbadge, the tragedian, in the days of Shakespeare,--the following being the wh...