Insurance Assurance
THE collector in a country church, where a brief was read for a sufferer
from fire, flattered himself that he had been unusually successful in
the collection, as he fancied he saw an agent to one of the fire-offices
put a note into the box. On examining the contents, however, he found
that the note had not issued from any bank, but merely bore these
admonitory words, Let them insure, as they wish to be saved.
More
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Incredible
SHERIDAN made his appearance one day in a pair of new boots; these attracting the notice of some of his friends, Now guess, said he, how I came by these boots? Many probable guesses then took place. No! said Sheridan, no, you've not hit it, nor ever... Independence
JEMMY GORDON, the Cambridge eccentric, when he happened to be without shoes or stockings, one day came in contact with a person of very indifferent character. The gentleman, pitying his condition, told him, if he called at his house, he would give h... Indifference To Death
A PRISONER, who had received notice that he was to die the next morning, was asked by some of his unfortunate companions to share their repast with them. He answered, I never eat anything that I expect will not digest. ... Indifference To Life
A SOLDIER, who was being led to the gallows, saw a crowd of people running on before. Don't be in such a hurry, said he to them. I can assure you nothing will be done without me. ... Industry And Perseverance
A SPENDTHRIFT said, Five years ago I was not worth a farthing in the world; now see where I am through my own exertions.--Well, where are you? inquired a neighbor. Why, I now owe more than a thousand pounds! ... Industry Of The English People
SYDNEY SMITH, writing in the Edinburgh Review, says, If the English were in a paradise of spontaneous productions, they would continue to dig and plough, though they were never a peach or a pine-apple the better for it. ... Information Easily Acquired
A FRIEND, crossing Putney Bridge with Theodore Hook, observed that he had been informed that it was a very good investment, and inquired if such were the case?--I don't know, was the answer; but you ought, as you have just been tolled. ... Ingenious Reply Of A Soldier
A SOLDIER in the army of the Duke of Marlborough took the name of that general, who reprimanded him for it. How am I to blame, general? said the soldier. I have the choice of names; if I had known one more illustrious than yours, I should have taken... Ingenuousness
TWO young officers, after a mess-dinner, had very much ridiculed their general. He sent for them, and asked them if what was reported to him was true. General, said one of them, it is; and we should have said much more if our wine had not failed. ... Ingratitude
WHEN Brennan, the noted highwayman, was taken in the south of Ireland, a banker, whose notes at that time were not held in the highest estimation, assured the prisoner that he was very glad to see him there at last. Brennan, looking up, replied, Ah!... Ingratitude
WHEN Lord B---- died, a person met an old man who was one of his most intimate friends. He was pale, confused, awe-stricken. Every one was trying to console him, but in vain. His loss, he exclaimed, does not affect me so much as his horrible ingrati... Inquest Extraordinary
DIED from fatigue, three laundresses together all, Verdict,--had tried to wash a shirt marked Wetherall.[A] [A] Sir Charles Wetherall was noted for want of cleanliness. ... Inquest Extraordinary
DIED suddenly,--surprised at such a rarity! Verdict,--Saw Eldon do a little bit of charity. ... Inquestnot Extraordinary
GREAT Bulwer's works fell on Miss Basbleu's head, And in a moment, lo! the maid was dead! A jury sat, and found the verdict plain-- She died of milk and water on the brain. ... Inquests Extraordinary
FOUND dead, a rat--no case could sure be harder; Verdict--Confined a week in Eldon's larder. Died, Sir Charles Wetherall's laundress, honest Sue; Verdict--Ennui--so little work to do. ... Insurance Assurance
THE collector in a country church, where a brief was read for a sufferer from fire, flattered himself that he had been unusually successful in the collection, as he fancied he saw an agent to one of the fire-offices put a note into the box. On exami... Interested Inquiry
AN attorney-general politely inquired after the health of a distinguished judge. Mr. Attorney, was the reply, I am in horrible good health at present. ... Ireland's Forgery
SAYS Kemble to Lewis, Pray what is your play? Cries Lewis to Kemble, The Lie of the Day! Say you so? replied Kemble; why, we act the same; But to cozen the town we adopt a new name; For that Vortigern's Shakespeare's we some of ... Irish And Scotch Loyalty
WHEN George the Fourth went to Ireland, one of the pisintry said to the toll-keeper as the king passed through, Och, now! an' his majesty never paid the turnpike, an' how's that?--O, kings never does; we lets 'em go free, was the answer. Then there'... Irish Imprudence
IN the year 1797, when democratic notions ran high, the king's coach was attacked as his majesty was going to the House of Peers. A gigantic Hibernian, who was conspicuously loyal in repelling the mob, attracted the attention of the king. Not long a... James Smith And Justice Holroyd
FORMERLY, it was customary, on emergencies, for the Judges to swear affidavits at their dwelling-houses. Smith was desired by his father to attend a Judge's chambers for that purpose; but being engaged to dine in Russell Square, at the next house to... Jemmy Gordon
JEMMY GORDON, the well-known writer of many a theme and declamation for varmint-men, alias non-reading Cantabs, having been complimented by an acquaintance on the result of one of his themes, to which the prize of a certain college was awarded, quai... Johnson And Mrs Siddons
IN spite of the ill-founded contempt Dr. Johnson professed to entertain for actors, he persuaded himself to treat Mrs. Siddons with great politeness, and said, when she called on him at Bolt Court, and Frank, his servant, could not immediately provi... Jolly Companions
A MINISTER in Aberdeenshire, sacrificed so often and so freely to the jolly god, that the presbytery could no longer overlook his proceedings, and summoned him before them to answer for his conduct. One of his elders, and constant companion in his s... Judgment
JAMES THE SECOND, when Duke of York, made a visit to Milton the poet, and asked him, amongst other things, if he did not think the loss of his sight a judgment upon him for what he had written against his father, Charles the First. Milton answered, ... Junius Discovered
MR. ROGERS was requested by Lady Holland to ask Sir Philip Francis whether he was the author of Junius. The poet approached the knight, Will you, Sir Philip,--will your kindness excuse my addressing to you a single question?--At your peril, sir! was... Just As Wonderful
A GENTLEMAN asked a friend, in a very knowing manner, Pray, did you ever see a cat-fish?--No, was the response, but I've seen a rope-walk. ... Justice Midas
A JUDGE, joking a young barrister, said, If you and I were turned into a horse and an ass, which would you prefer to be?--The ass, to be sure, replied the barrister. I've heard of an ass being made a judge, but a horse never. ... Justice Not Always Blind
WESTMACOTT, of the Age paper, having libelled a gentleman, was well thrashed for his pains. Declaring afterwards that he would have justice done him, a person present remarked, That has been done already. A similar story is told of Voltaire and the ... Kean's Impromptu
AT Birmingham, one of Kean's benefits was a total failure. In the last scene of the play (A New Way to pay Old Debts), wherein allusion is made to the marriage of a lady, Take her, sir, Kean suddenly added, and the Birmingham audience into the barga...