Knowing Best
I WISH, reverend father, said Curran to Father O'Leary, that you were
St. Peter, and had the keys of heaven, because then you could let me
in.--By my honor and conscience, replied O'Leary, it would be better
for you that I had the keys of the other place, for then I could let
you out.
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Jolly Companions
A MINISTER in Aberdeenshire, sacrificed so often and so freely to the jolly god, that the presbytery could no longer overlook his proceedings, and summoned him before them to answer for his conduct. One of his elders, and constant companion in his s... Judgment
JAMES THE SECOND, when Duke of York, made a visit to Milton the poet, and asked him, amongst other things, if he did not think the loss of his sight a judgment upon him for what he had written against his father, Charles the First. Milton answered, ... Junius Discovered
MR. ROGERS was requested by Lady Holland to ask Sir Philip Francis whether he was the author of Junius. The poet approached the knight, Will you, Sir Philip,--will your kindness excuse my addressing to you a single question?--At your peril, sir! was... Just As Wonderful
A GENTLEMAN asked a friend, in a very knowing manner, Pray, did you ever see a cat-fish?--No, was the response, but I've seen a rope-walk. ... Justice Midas
A JUDGE, joking a young barrister, said, If you and I were turned into a horse and an ass, which would you prefer to be?--The ass, to be sure, replied the barrister. I've heard of an ass being made a judge, but a horse never. ... Justice Not Always Blind
WESTMACOTT, of the Age paper, having libelled a gentleman, was well thrashed for his pains. Declaring afterwards that he would have justice done him, a person present remarked, That has been done already. A similar story is told of Voltaire and the ... Kean's Impromptu
AT Birmingham, one of Kean's benefits was a total failure. In the last scene of the play (A New Way to pay Old Debts), wherein allusion is made to the marriage of a lady, Take her, sir, Kean suddenly added, and the Birmingham audience into the barga... Keen Reply
A RETIRED vocalist, who had acquired a large fortune by marriage, was asked to sing in company. Allow me, said he, to imitate the nightingale, which does not sing after it has made its nest. ... Keeping A Conscience
THE great controversy on the propriety of requiring a subscription to articles of faith, as practised by the Church of England, excited at this time (1772) a very strong sensation amongst the members of the two universities. Paley, when pressed to s... Keeping A Promise
THUS, with kind words, Fairface cajoled his friend: Dear Dick! on me thou may'st assured depend; I know thy fortune is but very scant, But never will I see my friend in want. Dick soon in gaol, believed his friend would free him... Keeping It To Himself
BURKE once mentioned to Fox that he had written a tragedy. Did you let Garrick see it? inquired his friend: No, replied Burke; though I had the folly to write it, I had the wit to keep it to myself. ... Killed By His Own Remedy
THE surgeon of an English ship of war used to prescribe salt water for his patients in all disorders. Having sailed one evening on a party of pleasure, he happened by some mischance to be drowned. The captain, who had not heard of the disaster, aske... Kitchener And Colman
THE most celebrated wits and bon vivants of the day graced the dinner-table of the late Dr. Kitchener, and, inter alia, the late George Colman, who was an especial favorite; his interpolation of a little monosyllable in a written admonition which th... Knowing Best
I WISH, reverend father, said Curran to Father O'Leary, that you were St. Peter, and had the keys of heaven, because then you could let me in.--By my honor and conscience, replied O'Leary, it would be better for you that I had the keys of the other ... Knowing His Man
A MAN was brought before Lord Mansfield, charged with stealing a silver ladle, and the counsel for the crown was rather severe upon the prisoner for being an attorney. Come, come, said his lordship, don't exaggerate matters; if the fellow had been a... Knowing His Man
AN attorney, not celebrated for his probity, was robbed one night on his way from Wicklow to Dublin. His father meeting Baron O'Grady next day, said, My lord, have you heard of my son's robbery?--No, replied the baron; whom did he rob? ... Knowing His Place
AT a grand review by George III. of the Portsmouth fleet in 1789, there was a boy who mounted the shrouds with so much agility as to surprise every spectator. The king particularly noticed it, and said to Lord Lothian, Lothian, I have heard much of ... Lady Anne
AT Portsmouth, during the representation of Richard the Third, on Richard exclaiming, O, take more pity in thine eyes, and see him here, Miss White, who was in Lady Anne, indignantly exclaimed, Would they were battle-axes (basilisks) to strike thee ... Lamb And Erskine
COUNSELLOR LAMB, an old man when Lord Erskine was in the height of his reputation, was of timid and nervous disposition, usually prefacing his pleadings with an apology to that effect; and on one occasion, when opposed, in some cause, to Erskine, he... Lamb And Sharp Sauce
A RETIRED cheesemonger, who hated any allusions to the business that had enriched him, said to Charles Lamb, in course of discussion on the Poor-Laws, You must bear in mind, sir, that I have got rid of that sort of stuff which you poets call the 'mi... Landlord And Tenants
SAYS his landlord to Thomas, Your rent I must raise, I'm so plaguily pinch'd for the pelf. Raise my rent! replies Thomas; your honor's main good; For I never can raise it myself. ... Large But Not Large Enough
THE Rev. William Cole, of Cambridge, nicknamed the Cardinal, was remarkable for what is called a comfortable assurance. Dining in a party at the University, he took up from the table a gold snuff-box, belonging to the gentleman seated next to him, a... Late And Early
THE regular routine of clerkly business ill suited the literary tastes and the wayward habits of Charles Lamb. Once, at the India House, a superior said to him, I have remarked, Mr. Lamb, that you come very late to the office.--Yes, sir, replied the... Late Dinner
SOME one remarking that the dinner hour was always getting later and later, Ay, quoth Rogers, it will soon end in our not dining till to-morrow. ... Latimer
THE pious and learned martyr, and Bishop of Worcester, who was educated at Christ College, Cambridge, and was one of the first reformers of the Church of England, at a controversial conference, being out-talked by younger divines, and out-argued by ... Law And Physic
A LEARNED judge being asked the difference between law and equity courts, replied, At common law you are done for at once: at equity, you are not so easily disposed of. One is prussic acid, and the other laudanum. ...