Lord Chesterfield
WHEN Lord Chesterfield was in administration, he proposed a person to
his late majesty as proper to fill a place of great trust, but which the
king himself was determined should be filled by another. The council,
however, resolved not to indulge the king, for fear of a dangerous
precedent, and it was Lord Chesterfield's business to present the grant
of office for the king's signature. Not to incense his majesty by asking
him abruptly, he, with accents of great humility, begged to know with
whose name his majesty would be pleased to have the blanks filled up.
With the devil's! replied the king, in a paroxysm of rage. And
shall the instrument, said the Earl, coolly, run as usual, Our trusty
and well-beloved cousin and counsellor?--a repartee at which the king
laughed heartily, and with great good-humor signed the grant.
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Legal Adulteration
SEVERAL publicans being assembled at Malton, in Yorkshire, in order to renew their licenses to retail beer, the worthy magistrate addressed one of them (an old woman), and said he trusted she did not put any pernicious ingredients into the liquor; t... Legal Extravagance
HURRAH! Hurrah! cried a young lawyer, who had succeeded to his father's practice, I've settled that old chancery suit at last.--Settled it! cried the astonished parent, why I gave you that as an annuity for your life. ... Liberal Gift
A COMEDIAN at Covent Garden advised one of the scene-shifters, who had met with an accident, to try a subscription; and a few days afterwards he asked for the list of names, which, when he had read over, he returned. Why, sir, says the poor fellow, ... Licensed To Kill
WHEN an inferior actor at the Haymarket once took off David Garrick, Foote limped from the boxes to the green-room, and severely rated him for his impudence. Why, sir, said the fellow, you take him off every day, and why may not I?--Because, replied... Lie For Lie
TWO gentlemen standing together, as a young lady passed by them, one said, There goes the handsomest woman you ever saw. She turned back, and, seeing him very ugly, said, I wish I could, in return, say as much of you.--So you may, madam, said he, an... Light Bread
A BAKER has invented a new kind of yeast. It makes bread so light that a pound of it weighs only twelve ounces. ... Light-headed
DR. BURNEY, who wrote the celebrated anagram on Lord Nelson, after his victory of the Nile, Honor est a Nilo (Horatio Nelson), was shortly after on a visit to his lordship, at his beautiful villa at Merton. From his usual absence of mind, he neglect... Lincoln's-inn Dinners
ON the evening of the coronation-day of our gracious Queen, the Benchers of Lincoln's Inn gave the students a feed; when a certain profane wag, in giving out a verse of the National Anthem, which he was solicited to lead in a solo, took that opportu... Lines To O'keefe
(Said to be written by Peter Pindar.) THEY say, O'Keefe, Thou art a thief, That half thy works are stolen or more; I say O'Keefe, Thou art no thief, Such stuff was never writ before! ... Lingual Infection
A FASHIONABLE Irish gentleman, driving a good deal about Cheltenham, was observed to have the not very graceful habit of lolling his tongue out as he went along. Curran, who was there, was asked what he thought could be his countryman's motive for g... Liquid Remedy For Baldness
USE brandy externally until the hair grows, and then take it internally to clinch the roots. ... Liston's Dream
AS Liston lay wrapt in delicious repose, Most harmoniously playing a tune with his nose, In a dream there appeared the adorable Venus, Who said, To be sure there's no likeness between us; Yet to show a celestial to kindness so p... Literary Pastime
ONCE a gentleman, who had the marvellous gift of shaping a great many things out of orange-peel, was displaying his abilities at a dinner-party before Theodore Hook and Mr. Thomas Hill, and succeeded in counterfeiting a pig. Mr. Hill tried the same ... Little To Give
A STINGY husband threw off the blame of the rudeness of his children in company, by saying that his wife always Gives them their own way.--Poor things! was the prompt response, it's all I have to give them. ... Long Ago
A LADY, who was very submissive and modest before marriage, was observed by a friend to use her tongue pretty freely after. There was a time, he remarked, when I almost imagined she had no tongue.--Yes, said the husband, with a sigh, but it's very v... Long Story
A LOQUACIOUS lady, ill of a complaint of forty years' standing, applied to Mr. Abernethy for advice, and had begun to describe its progress from the first, when Mr. A. interrupted her, saying he wanted to go into the next street, to see a patient; h... Look In His Face
ADMIRAL LORD HOWE, when a captain, was once hastily awakened in the middle of the night by the lieutenant of the watch, who informed him with great agitation that the ship was on fire near the magazine. If that be the case, said he, rising leisurely... Look-a-head
A TORY member declared the extent of the Reform Bill positively made the hair of members on his side the house to stand on end. On the ensuing elections, they will find the Bill to have a still greater effect on the state of the poll. ... Lord Chatham
LORD CHATHAM had settled a plan for some sea expedition he had in view, and sent orders to Lord Anson to see the necessary arrangements taken immediately. Mr. Cleveland was sent from the Admiralty to remonstrate on the impossibility of obeying them.... Lord Chesterfield
WHEN Lord Chesterfield was in administration, he proposed a person to his late majesty as proper to fill a place of great trust, but which the king himself was determined should be filled by another. The council, however, resolved not to indulge the... Lord Clonmel
THE late Lord Clonmel, who never thought of demanding more than a shilling for an affidavit, used to be well satisfied, provided it was a good one. In his time the Birmingham shillings were current, and he used the following extraordinary precaution... Lord Howe
ADMIRAL LORD HOWE, when a captain, was once hastily awakened in the middle of the night by the lieutenant of the watch, who informed him with great agitation that the ship was on fire near the magazine. If that be the case, said he, rising leisurely... Lord North Asleep
HIS Lordship was accustomed to sleep during the Parliamentary harangues of his adversaries, leaving Sir Grey Cooper to note down anything remarkable. During a debate on ship-building, some tedious speaker entered on an historical detail, in which, c... Lord North's Drollery
A VEHEMENT political declaimer, calling aloud for the head of Lord North, turned round and perceived his victim unconsciously indulging in a quiet slumber, and, becoming still more exasperated, denounced the Minister as capable of sleeping while he ... Losing An I
A MAN being interrogated on a trial, spoke several words with much impropriety; and at last saying the word curosity, a counsellor exclaimed, How that fellow murders the English language!--Nay, returned another, he has only knocked an I out. ... Lost And Found
THE ferryman, whilst plying over a water which was only slightly agitated, was asked by a timid lady in his boat, whether any persons were ever lost in that river. O no, said he, we always finds 'em agin the next day. ... Love
THEY say love's like the measles,--all the worse when it comes late in ... Love And Hymen
HYMEN comes when he is called, and Love when he pleases. ... Love Of The Sea
... Luxurious Smoking
THE most luxurious smoker I ever knew, says Mr. Paget, was a young Transylvanian, who told me that his servant always inserted a lighted pipe into his mouth the first thing in the morning, and that he smoked it out before he awoke. 'It is so pleasan... Lying
DON'T give your mind to lying. A lie may do very well for a time, but, ... Lying Consistently
TWO old ladies, who were known to be of the same age, had the same desire to keep the real number concealed; one therefore used upon a New-year's-day to go to the other, and say, Madam, I am come to know how old we are to be this year. ... Mac Ready To Call
IN the time of Sir John Macpherson's Indian government, most of his staff consisted of Scotch gentlemen, whose names began with Mac. One of the aides-de-camp used to call the government-house Almack's, For, said he, if you stand in the middle of the... Mad Quakers
A MAD Quaker belongs to a small and rich sect; and is, therefore, of greater importance than any other mad person of the same degree in life. ... Maids And Wives
WOMEN are all alike. When they're maids they're mild as milk: once make 'em wives, and they lean their backs against their marriage ... Making A Clearance
AT Glasgow forty years ago, when the time had come for the bowl to be introduced, some jovial and thirsty member of the company proposed as a toast, The trade of Glasgow and the outward bound; the hint was taken, and silks and satins moved off to th... Making Free
FORMERLY, members of parliament had the privilege of franking letters sent by post. When this was so, a sender on one occasion applied to the post-office to know why some of his franked letters had been charged. He was told that the name on the lett... Making Free With The Waist
CURRAN, in cross-examining the chief witness of a plaintiff in an action for an assault, obliged him to acknowledge that the plaintiff had put his arm round the waist of Miss D----, which had provoked the defendant to strike him: Then, sir, I presum...