Nothing But Hebrew
A CANTAB chanced to enter a strange church, and after he had been seated
some little time, another person was ushered into the same pew with him.
The stranger pulled out of his pocket a prayer-book, and offered to
share it with the Cantab, though he perceived he had one in his hand.
This courtesy proceeded from a mere ostentatious display of his
learning, as it proved to be in Latin. The Cantab immediately declined
the offer by saying, Sir, I read nothing but Hebrew!
More
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Not Polite
MR. P----, a candidate for Berkshire, was said to have admitted his want of head, by demanding a poll. ... Not Quite Correct
A HUNTSMAN, reported to have lived with Mr. Beckford, was not so correct in his conversation as he was in his professional employments. One day when he had been out with the young hounds, Mr. B. sent for him, and asked what sport he had had, and how... Not Right
A PRISONER being called on to plead to an indictment for larceny, was told by the clerk to hold up his right hand. The man immediately held up his left hand. Hold up your right hand, said the clerk. Please your honor, said the culprit, still keeping... Not Room For A Neighbor
A LANDED proprietor in the small county of Rutland became very intimate with the Duke of Argyle, to whom, in the plenitude of his friendship, he said: How I wish your estate were in my county! Upon which the duke replied: I'm thinking, if it were, t... Not Sick Enough For That
LORD PLUNKET is said to have acutely felt his forced resignation of the Irish Chancellorship, and his supersedeas by Lord Campbell. A violent tempest arose on the day of the latter's expected arrival, and a friend remarking to Plunket how sick of hi... Not So Bad For A King
GEORGE IV., on hearing some one declare that Moore had murdered Sheridan, in his late life of that statesman, observed, I won't say that Mr. Moore has murdered Sheridan, but he has certainly attempted his life. ... Not So Daft As Reputed
THERE was a certain Daft Will, who was a privileged haunter of Eglington Castle and grounds. He was discovered by the noble owner one day taking a near cut, and crossing a fence in the demesne. The earl called out, Come back, sir, that's not the roa... Not So Easy
A CERTAIN learned serjeant, who is apt to be testy in argument, was advised by the Court not to show temper, but to show cause. ... Not To Be Believed
THE following lines were addressed to a gentleman notoriously addicted to the vice which has been euphemistically described as the postponement of the truth for the purposes of the moment:-- Whoe'er would learn a fact from you, Must tak... Not To Be Bought
A COMMON-COUNCILMAN'S lady paying her daughter a visit at school, and inquiring what progress she had made in her education, the governess answered, pretty good, madam, she is very attentive: if she wants anything it is a capacity: but for that defi... Not To Be Done Brown
DR. THOMAS BROWN courted a lady for many years, but unsuccessfully, during which time it had been his custom to drink the lady's health before that of any other; but being observed one evening to omit it, a gentleman reminded him of it, and said, Co... Not To Be Tempted
COME down, this instant, said the boatswain to a mischievous son of Erin, who had been idling in the round-top; come down, I say, and I'll give you a good dozen, you rascal!--Troth, sur, I wouldn't come down if you'd give me two dozen! ... Not To Be Trifled With
DURING a recent representation of King Lear at one of our metropolitan theatres, an old gentleman from the country, who was visibly affected by the pathos of some of the scenes, electrified the house by roaring out, Mr. Manager! Sir! Alter the play!... Not True
A LADY was asked by her friends if she really intended to marry Mr. ----, who was a good kind of a man, but so very singular. Well, replied the lady, if he is very much unlike other men, he is more likely to make a good husband. ... Not _versus_ Nott
A GENTLEMAN of Maudlin, whose name was Nott, returning late from his friend's rooms, attracted the attention of the proctor, who demanded his name and college. I am Nott of Maudlin, was the reply, hiccupping. Sir, said the proctor, in an angry tone,... Nothing But Hebrew
A CANTAB chanced to enter a strange church, and after he had been seated some little time, another person was ushered into the same pew with him. The stranger pulled out of his pocket a prayer-book, and offered to share it with the Cantab, though he... Nothing But The Bill
JOHN HORNE TOOKE'S opinion upon the subject of law was admirable. Law, he said, ought to be, not a luxury for the rich, but a remedy, to be easily, cheaply, and speedily obtained by the poor. A person observed to him, how excellent are the English l... Nothing Personal
AT a dinner-party one day a certain knight, whose character was considered to be not altogether unexceptionable, said he would give them a toast; and looking hard in the face of Mrs. M----, who was more celebrated for wit than beauty, gave Honest me... Nothing Surprising
ADMIRAL LEE, when only a post captain, being on board his ship one very rainy and stormy night, the officer of the watch came down to his cabin and cried, Sir, the sheet-anchor is coming home.--Indeed, says the captain, I think the sheet-anchor is p... Nothing To Boast Of
THE British empire, sir, exclaimed an orator, is one on which the sun never sets.--And one, replied an auditor, in which the tax-gatherer never goes to bed. ... Nothing To Laugh At
WHEN Lord Lauderdale intimated his intentions to repeat some good thing Sheridan had mentioned to him, Pray, don't, my dear Lauderdale, said the wit; a joke in your mouth is no laughing matter! ... Notice To Quit
AN Ayrshire gentleman, when out on the 1st of September, having failed time after time in bringing down a single bird, had at last pointed out to him by his attendant bag-carrier, a large covey, thick and close on the stubbles. Noo! Mr. Jeems, let d... Notions Of Happiness
WERE I but a king, said a country boy, I would eat my fill of fat bacon, and swing upon a gate all day long. ... Novel Offence
COOKE and Dibdin went, at a tolerably steady quick-step, as far as the middle of Greek Street, when Cooke, who had passed his hand along all the palisades and shutters as he marched, came in contact with the recently-painted new front of a coachmake... Ocular
TAYLOR says, My best pun was that which I made to Sheridan, who married a Miss Ogle. We were supping together at the Shakespeare, when, the conversation turning on Garrick, I asked him which of his performances he thought the best. O, said he, the L... Odd Foresight
LADY MARGARET HERBERT asked somebody for a pretty pattern for a nightcap. Well, said the person, what signifies the pattern of a nightcap?--O! child, said she, you know, in case of fire! ... Odd Housekeeping
MRS. MONTGOMERY was the only--the motherless--daughter of the stern General Campbell, who early installed her into the duties of housekeeper, and it sometimes happened that, in setting down the articles purchased, and their prices, she put the cart ... Odd Humor
WHEN Lord Holland was on his death-bed, his friend George Selwyn called to inquire how his Lordship was, and left his card. This was taken to Lord Holland, who said: If Mr. Selwyn calls again, show him into my room. If I am alive, I shall be glad to... Odd Reason
A CELEBRATED wit was asked why he did not marry a young lady to whom he was much attached. I know not he replied, except the great regard we have for each other. ... Off With His Head
AN EMINENT painter, who had suffered, under the common malady of his profession, namely, to paint portraits for persons who neither paid for them nor took them away, sent word to an ugly customer who refused to pay, that he was in treaty for the pic...