Pence Table
A SCHOOLBOY going into the village without leave, his master called
after him, Where are you going, sir?--I am going to buy a ha'porth of
nails.--What do you want a ha'porth of nails for?--For a
halfpenny, replied the urchin.
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Painted Charms
OF a celebrated actress, who, in her declining days, bought charms of carmine and pearl-powder, Jerrold said, Egad! she should have a hoop about her, with a notice upon it, 'Beware of the paint.' ... Painting
A NOBLEMAN who was a great amateur painter showed one of his performances to Turner. That great artist said to him, My lord, you want nothing but poverty to become a very excellent painter. ... Painting
A GENTLEMAN seeing a fine painting representing a man playing on the lute, paid this high compliment to the artist. When I look on that painting I think myself deaf. ... Painting And Medicine
A PAINTER of very middling abilities turned doctor: on being questioned respecting this change, he answered, In painting, all faults are exposed to view; but in medicine, they are buried with the patient. ... Par Nobile Fratrum
A FORMER laird of Brotherton was on all occasions a man of few words. He had a favorite tame goose, and for hours together Brotherton and his silent companion sat by the fireside opposite to each other. On one occasion a candidate for the representa... Parliamentary Case
BISHOP ANDREWS, who was master and a great benefactor of Pembroke Hall, was one day at court with Waller the poet, and others. While King James was at dinner, attended by Andrews, Bishop of Winchester, and Neale, Bishop of Durham, his Majesty said t... Parliamentary Reprimand
IN the reign of George II., Mr. Crowle, a counsel of some eminence, was summoned to the bar of the House of Commons to receive a reprimand from the Speaker, on his knees. As he rose from the ground, with the utmost nonchalance he took out his handke... Partnership Dissolved
DR. PARR had a high opinion of his own skill at whist, and could not even patiently tolerate the want of it in his partner. Being engaged with a party in which he was unequally matched, he was asked by a lady how the fortune of the game turned, when... Passing The Bottle
FOOTE being in company, and the wine producing more riot than concord, he observed one gentleman so far gone in debate as to throw the bottle at his antagonist's head; upon which, catching the missile in his hand, he restored the harmony of the comp... Patience
WHEN Lord Chesterfield was one day at Newcastle House, the Duke happening to be very particularly engaged, the Earl was requested to sit down in an ante-room. Garnet upon Job, a book dedicated to the Duke, happened to lie in the window; and his Grac... Patrick Henry
WHEN Patrick Henry, who gave the first impulse to the ball of the American Revolution, introduced his celebrated resolution on the Stamp Act into the House of Burgesses of Virginia (May, 1765), he exclaimed, when descanting on the tyranny of the obn... Paying In Kind
A FARMER, having lost some ducks, was asked by the counsel for the prisoner accused of stealing them to describe their peculiarity. After he had done so, the counsel remarked, They can't be such a rare breed, as I have some like them in my yard.--Th... Paying In Kind
A CERTAIN Quaker slept at a hotel in a certain town. He was supplied with two wax candles. He retired early, and, as he had burned but a small part of the candles, he took them with him into his bedroom. In the morning, finding he was charged 2s. in... Pence Table
A SCHOOLBOY going into the village without leave, his master called after him, Where are you going, sir?--I am going to buy a ha'porth of nails.--What do you want a ha'porth of nails for?--For a halfpenny, replied the urchin. ... Perfect Discontent
AN old lady was in the habit of talking to Jerrold in a gloomy depressing manner, presenting to him only the sad side of life. Hang it! said Jerrold, one day, after a long and sombre interview, she wouldn't allow there was a bright side to the moon.... Personalities Of Garrick And Quin
WHEN Quin and Garrick performed at the same theatre, and in the same play, one night, being very stormy, each ordered a chair. To the mortification of Quin, Garrick's chair came up first. Let me get into the chair, cried the surly veteran, let me ge... Pert
MACKLIN was once annoyed at Foote laughing and talking just as the former was about to begin a lecture. Well, sir, you seem to be very merry there; but do you know what I am going to say now? asked Macklin. No, sir, said Foote, pray, do you? ... Pertinent Inquiry
A PERSON addicted to lying, relating a story to another, which made him stare, Did you never hear that before? said the narrator. No, says the other: Pray, sir, did you? ... Philip Earl Of Stanhope
PHILIP, Earl of Stanhope, whose dress always corresponded with the simplicity of his manners, was once prevented from going into the House of Peers, by a doorkeeper who was unacquainted with his person. Lord Stanhope was resolved to get into the Hou... Phillis
Mrs. Abingdon saw this inscription, and wrote under it,-- Then as like as two chips ... Picking Pockets
THESE beer-shops, quoth Barnabas, speaking in alt, Are ruinous,--down with the growers of malt! Too true, answers Ben, with a shake of the head, Wherever they congregate, honesty's dead. That beer breeds dishonesty causes no won... Pickpocketing
THE Baron de Beranger relates, that, having secured a pickpocket in the very act of irregular abstraction, he took the liberty of inquiring whether there was anything in his face that had procured him the honor of being singled out for such an attem... Piece De Resistance
DO come and dine with me, said John to Pat: you must; though I have only a nice piece of beef and some potatoes for you.--O my dear fellow! don't make the laist apology about the dinner, it's the very same I should have had at home, barrin' the beef... Pig-headed
MR. JUSTICE P----, a well-meaning but particularly prosing judge, on one of his country circuits had to try a man for stealing a quantity of copper. In his charge he had frequent occasion to mention the copper, which he uniformly called lead, adding... Plain Enough
A GENTLEMAN, praising the personal charms of a very plain woman in the presence of Foote, the latter said: And why don't you lay claim to such an accomplished beauty?--What right have I to her? exclaimed the gentleman. Every right, by the law of nat... Plain Language
MR. JOHN CLERK, in pleading before the House of Lords one day, happened to say, in his broadest Scotch accent, In plain English, ma Lords; upon which Lord Eldon jocosely remarked, In plain Scotch, you mean, Mr. Clerk. The prompt advocate instantly r...