Popping The Question
A GIRL forced by her parents into a disagreeable match with an old man,
whom she detested, when the clergyman came to that part of the service
where the bride is asked if she consents to take the bridegroom for her
husband, said, with great simplicity, Oh dear, no, sir; but you are the
first person who has asked my opinion about the matter.
More
-
Plain Enough
A GENTLEMAN, praising the personal charms of a very plain woman in the presence of Foote, the latter said: And why don't you lay claim to such an accomplished beauty?--What right have I to her? exclaimed the gentleman. Every right, by the law of nat... Plain Language
MR. JOHN CLERK, in pleading before the House of Lords one day, happened to say, in his broadest Scotch accent, In plain English, ma Lords; upon which Lord Eldon jocosely remarked, In plain Scotch, you mean, Mr. Clerk. The prompt advocate instantly r... Plain Speaking
GEORGE II., who was fond of Whiston the philosopher, one day, during his persecution, said to him, that, however right he might be in his opinions, he had better suppress them. Had Martin Luther done so, replied the philosopher, your majesty would n... Player Or Lord
ONE day, at a party in Bath, Quin said something which caused a general murmur of delighted merriment. A nobleman present, who was not distinguished for the brilliancy of his ideas, exclaimed: What a pity 'tis, Quin, my boy, that a clever fellow lik... Playing On A Word
LORD ORFORD was present in a large company at dinner, when Bruce, the celebrated traveller, was talking in his usual style of exaggeration. Some one asked him what musical instruments were used in Abyssinia. Bruce hesitated, not being prepared for t... Pleasant
A COUNTRY dentist advertises that he spares no pains to render his operations satisfactory. ... Pleasant Deserts
A CERTAIN physician was so fond of administering medicine, that, seeing all the phials and pill-boxes of his patient completely emptied, and ranged in order on the table, he said, Ah, sir, it gives me pleasure to attend you,--you deserve to be ill. ... Pleasant For A Father
A LAIRD'S eldest son was rather a simpleton. Laird says, I am going to send the young laird abroad.--What for? asks the tenant. Laird answered, To see the world. Tenant replied, But lordsake, laird, will no the world see him? ... Pleasant Invitation
SOME years ago, says Richardson, in his anecdotes of painting, a gentleman came to me to invite me to his house. I have, says he, a picture of Rubens, and it is a rare good one. Little H. the other day came to see it, and says it is a copy. If any o... Political Corruption
CURRAN, when opposed to Lord Clare, said that he reminded him of a chimney-sweep, who had raised himself by dark and dusky ways, and then called aloud to his neighbors to witness his dirty elevation. ... Political Logic
IF two decided negatives will make Together one affirmative, let's take P----t's and L----t's, each a rogue per se, Who by this rule an honest pair will be. ... Political Sinecure
CURRAN, after a debate which gave rise to high words, put his hand to his heart, and declared that he was the trusty guardian of his own honor. Upon which Sir Boyle Roche congratulated his honorable friend on the snug little sinecure he had discover... Poor Law
PRAY, my lord, asked a fashionable lady of Lord Kenyon, what do you think my son had better do in order to succeed in the law?--Let him spend all his money: marry a rich wife, and spend all hers: and when he has not got a shilling in the world, let ... Pope's Last Illness
DURING Pope's last illness, a squabble happened in his chamber, between his two physicians, Dr. Burton and Dr. Thomson, they mutually charging each other with hastening the death of the patient by improper prescriptions. Pope at length silenced them... Popping The Question
A GIRL forced by her parents into a disagreeable match with an old man, whom she detested, when the clergyman came to that part of the service where the bride is asked if she consents to take the bridegroom for her husband, said, with great simplici... Porson _versus_ Dr Jowett
DR. JOWETT, who was a small man, was permitted by the head of his college to cultivate a strip of vacant ground. This gave rise to some jeux d'esprit among the wags of the University, which induced him to alter it into a plot of gravel, and Porson b... Porson's Visit To The Continent
SOON after Professor Porson returned from a visit to the Continent, at a party where he happened to be present, a gentleman solicited a sketch of his journey. Porson immediately gave the following extemporaneous one: I went to Frankfort and g... Portmanteau _v_ Trunk
SERJEANT WHITAKER, one of the most eminent lawyers of his day, was an eccentric. A friend, at one of the assize towns, offered him a bed, and the next morning asked him if he had found himself comfortable and warm. Yes, madam, replied the serjeant; ... Possible Censors
DR. CADOGAN was boasting of the eminence of his profession, and spoke loudly against the injustice of the world, which was so satirical against it; but, he added, I have escaped, for no one complains of me.--That is more than you can tell, doctor, s... Post-mortem
ONE of Cromwell's granddaughters was remarkable for her vivacity and humor. One summer, being in company at Tunbridge Wells, a gentleman having taken great offence at some sarcastic observation she made, intending to insult her, said, You need not g... Pot Valiant
PROVISIONS have a greater influence on the valor of troops than is generally supposed; and there is great truth in the remark of an English physician, who said, that with a six weeks' diet he could make a man a coward. A distinguished general was so... Powder Without Ball
DR. GOODALL, of Eton, about the same time that he was made Provost of Eton, received also a Stall at Windsor. A young lady, whilst congratulating him on his elevation, and requesting him to give a ball during the vacation, happened to touch his wig ... Practical Retort
IN a country theatre there were only seven persons in the house one night. The pit took offence at the miserable acting of a performer, and hissed him energetically; whereupon the manager brought his company on the stage, and out-hissed the visitors... Precautionary
LORD JOHN RUSSELL, remarkable for the smallness of his person as Lord Nugent was for the reverse, was expected at a house where Sydney Smith was a guest. Lord John comes here to-day, said Sydney Smith, his corporeal anti-part, Lord Nugent, is alread... Preferment
AMONG the daly inquirers after the health of an aged Bishop of D----m, during his indisposition, no one was more sedulously punctual than the Bishop of E----r; and the invalid seemed to think that other motives than those of anxious kindness might c... Pretty
HOPE is the dream of those who are awake. ... Priest's Orders
AN actor named Priest was playing at one of the principal theatres. Some one remarked to the Garrick Club that there were a great many men in the pit. Probably clerks who have taken Priest's orders, said Mr. Poole, one of the best punsters as well a... Prime's Preservative
SERGEANT PRIME had a remarkably long nose, and being one day out riding, was flung from his horse, and fell upon his face in the middle of the road. A countryman, who saw the occurrence, ran hastily up, raised the sergeant from the mire, and asked h...