Quid Pro Quo
SMITH and Brown, running opposite ways round a corner, struck each
other. Oh dear! says Smith, how you made my head ring!--That's a
sign it's hollow, said Brown. Didn't yours ring? said Smith. No,
said Brown. That's a sign it's cracked, replied his friend.
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Pulling Up A Poet
A POET was once walking with T----, in the street, reciting some of his verses. T---- perceiving, at a short distance, a man yawning, pointed him out to the poet, saying, Not so loud, he hears you. ... Punctuation
SOME gentlemen talking on the inattention of writers to punctuation, it was observed that the lawyers used no stops in their writings. I should not mind that, said one of the party, but they put no periods to their works. ... Puppies Never See Till They Are Nine Days Old
IT is related, that when a former Bishop of Bristol held the office of Vice-Chancellor of the University of Cambridge, he one day met a couple of undergraduates, who neglected to pay the accustomed compliment of capping. The bishop inquired the reas... Pure Folks
VERY pure folks won't be held up to the light and shown to be very dirty bottles, without paying back hard abuse for the impertinence. ... Putting A Stop To Pilgrim's Progress
JEMMY GORDON, meeting the prosecutor of a felon, named Pilgrim, who was convicted and sentenced to be transported at the Cambridge assizes, exclaimed, You have done, sir, what the Pope of Rome could never do; you have put a stop to Pilgrim's Progres... Qed
A COUNTRY schoolmaster was met by a certain nobleman, who asked his name and vocation. Having declared his name, he added, And I am master of this parish.--Master of this parish, observed the peer, how can that be?--I am master of the children of th... Quaint Epitaph
DR. FULLER having requested one of his companions to make an epitaph for him, received the following: Here lies Fuller's earth! ... Qualifying For Bail
A GENTLEMAN once appeared in the Court of King's Bench to give bail in the sum of 3,000l. Serjeant Davy, wanting to display his wit, said to him, sternly, And pray, sir, how do you make out that you are worth 3,000l.? The gentleman stated the partic... Quantum Suff
IN former days, when roads were bad, and wheeled vehicles almost unknown, an old laird was returning from a supper party, with his lady mounted behind him on horseback. On crossing the river Urr, the old lady dropped off, but was not missed till her... Queer Partners
JERROLD, at a party, noticed a doctor in solemn black waltzing with a young lady who was dressed in a silk of brilliant blue. As I live! there's a blue pill dancing with a black draught! said Jerrold. ... Question And Answer
A QUAKER was examined before the Board of Excise, respecting certain duties; the commissioners thinking themselves disrespectfully treated by his theeing and thouing, one of them with a stern countenance asked him, Pray, sir, do you know what we sit... Question Answered
THAT idiot W---- coming out of the Opera one night, called out, Where is my fellow?--Not in England, I'll swear, said a bystander. ... Quid Pro Quo
A PHYSICIAN of an acrimonious disposition, and having a thorough hatred of lawyers, reproached a barrister with the use of phrases utterly unintelligible. For example, said he, I never could understand what you lawyers mean by docking an entail.--Th... Quid Pro Quo
SMITH and Brown, running opposite ways round a corner, struck each other. Oh dear! says Smith, how you made my head ring!--That's a sign it's hollow, said Brown. Didn't yours ring? said Smith. No, said Brown. That's a sign it's cracked, replied his ... Quid Pro Quo
AN Irish lawyer, famed for cross-examining, was, on one occasion, completely silenced by a horse-dealer. Pray, Mr. ----, you belong to a very honest profession?--I can't say so, replied the witness; for, saving you lawyers, I think it the most disho... Quid Pro Quo
A WORTHY Roman Catholic clergyman, well known as Priest Matheson, and universally respected in the district, had charge of a mission in Aberdeenshire, and for a long time made his journeys on a piebald pony, the priest and his Pyet Shelty sharing an... Quiet Theft
A SADDLE being missing at a funeral, it was observed, no wonder that nothing was heard of it, for it is believed to have been stolen by a mute. ... Quin And Charles I
QUIN sometimes said a wise thing. Disputing concerning the execution of Charles I.,--By what laws, said his opponent, was he put to death? Quin replied, By all the laws that he had left them. ... Quin And The Parson
A WELL-BENEFICED old parson having a large company to dinner, entertained them with nothing else but the situation and profits of his parochial livings, which he said he kept entirely to himself. Quin, being one of the party, and observing that the ... Quin's Saying
ON the 30th of January (the martyrdom of King Charles the First), Quin used to say, Every king in Europe would rise with a crick in his neck. ... Quin's Soliloquy On Seeing The Embalmed Body Of Duke
HUMPHREY, AT ST. ALBAN'S. A PLAGUE on Egypt's arts, I say-- Embalm the dead--on senseless clay Rich wine and spices waste: Like sturgeon, or like brawn, shall I, Bound in a precious pickle lie, Which I can neve... Quite Aground
IT is said that poor H---- T---- has been living on his wits. He certainly must be content with very limited premises. ... Quite At Ease
FOOTE, the actor, was one day taken into White's Club-House by a friend who wanted to write a note. Lord Carmarthen approached to speak to him; but feeling rather shy, he merely said, Mr. Foote, your handkerchief is hanging out of your pocket. Foote... Quite Natural
DID any of you ever see an elephant's skin? asked the master of an ... Quite Perfection
A PAINTER in the Waterloo Road had the following announcement displayed on the front of his house: The Acme of Stencil! A learned Theban in the same line in an adjoining street, in order to outdo the old original stenciller, thus set forth his prete... Quite Poetical
HARRY ERSKINE made a neat remark to Walter Scott after he got his Clerkship of Session. The scheme to bestow it on him had been begun by the Tories, but (most honorably) was completed by the Whigs, and after the fall of the latter, Harry met the new...