Snoring
A CERTAIN deacon being accustomed to snore while asleep in church, he
received the following polite note: Deacon ---- is requested not to
commence snoring to-morrow until the sermon is begun, as some persons in
the neighborhood of his pew would like to hear the text.
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Sinking The Well
THEODORE HOOK once observed a party of laborers sinking a well. What are you about? he inquired. Boring for water, sir, was the answer. Water's a bore at any time, responded Hook; besides, you're quite wrong; remember the old proverb,--'Let well alo... Sir Anthony Malone
LORD MANSFIELD used to remark that a lawyer could do nothing without his fee. This is proved by the following fact: Sir Anthony Malone, some years ago Attorney-General of Ireland, was a man of abilities in his profession, and so well skilled in the ... Sir Thomas Coulson
SIR THOMAS COULSON being present with a friend at the burning of Drury Lane Theatre, and observing several engines hastening to the spot where the fire had been extinguished, remarked that they were ingens cui lumen adeptum. ... Sir Walter Scott And Constable
SCOTT is known to have profited much by Constable's bibliographical knowledge, which was very extensive. The latter christened Kenilworth, which Scott named Cumnor Hall. John Ballantyne objected to the former title, and told Constable the result wou... Sir Walter Scott's Parritch-pan
IN the museum at Abbotsford there is a small Roman patera, or goblet, in showing which Sir Walter Scott tells the following story: I purchased this (says he) at a nobleman's roup near by, at the enormous sum of twenty-five guineas. I would have got ... Slack Payment
EXAMINING a country squire who disputed a collier's bill, Curran asked, Did he not give you the coals, friend?--He did, sir, but----But what? On your oath, witness, wasn't your payment slack? ... Sleeping At Church
DR. SOUTH, when once preaching before Charles II., observed that the monarch and his attendants began to nod, and some of them soon after snored, on which he broke off in his sermon, and said: Lord Lauderdale, let me entreat you to rouse yourself; y... Sleeping Round
THE celebrated Quin had this faculty. What sort of a morning is it, John?--Very wet, sir.--Any mullet in the market?--No, sir.--Then, John, you may call me this time to-morrow. So saying, he composed himself to sleep, and got rid of the ennui of a d... Small Talk
FUSELI had a great dislike to common-place observations. After sitting perfectly quiet for a long time in his own room, during the bald disjointed chat of some idle visitors, who were gabbling with one another about the weather, and other topics of ... Small Wit
SIR GEORGE BEAUMONT once met Quin at a small dinner-party. There was a delicious pudding, which the master of the house, pushing the dish towards Quin, begged him to taste. A gentleman had just before helped himself to an immense piece of it. Pray, ... Smart Reply
SOME schoolboys meeting a poor woman driving asses, one of them said to her, Good morning, mother of asses.--Good morning, my child, was the reply. ... Smoking An Mp
AN honorable member, speaking about the tax on tobacco, somewhat ludicrously called for certain returns. ... Smoothing It Down
A CLIENT remarked to his solicitor, You are writing my bill on very rough paper, sir.--Never mind, was the reply of the latter, it has to be filed before it comes into court. ... Snoring
A CERTAIN deacon being accustomed to snore while asleep in church, he received the following polite note: Deacon ---- is requested not to commence snoring to-morrow until the sermon is begun, as some persons in the neighborhood of his pew would like... Snug Lying
A VISITOR at Churchtown, North Meols, thought people must like to be buried in the churchyard there, because it was so healthy. ... Soft Very!
SOME one had written upon a pane in the window of an inn on the Chester ... Soldiers' Wives
THE late Duchess of York having desired her housekeeper to seek out a new laundress, a decent-looking woman was recommended to the situation. But, said the housekeeper, I am afraid she will not suit your royal highness, as she is a soldier's wife, a... Solomon's Temple
WHEN Reginald Heber read his prize poem of Palestine to Sir Walter Scott, the latter observed that, in the verses on Solomon's Temple, one striking circumstance had escaped him; namely, that no tools were used in its erection. Reginald retired for a... Something For Dr Darwin
SIR WATKIN WILLIAMS WYNNE talking to a friend about the antiquity of his family, which he carried up to Noah, was told that he was a mere mushroom of yesterday. How so, pray? said the baronet. Why, continued the other, when I was in Wales, a pedigre... Something Lacking
HOOK was walking one day with a friend, when the latter, pointing out on a dead wall an incomplete inscription, running, WARREN'S B----, was puzzled at the moment for the want of the context. 'Tis lacking that should follow, observed Hook, in explan... Something Like An Insult
THE late Judge C---- one day had occasion to examine a witness who stuttered very much in delivering his testimony. I believe, said his lordship, you are a very great rogue.--Not so great a rogue as you my lord,--t-t-t-take me to be. ... Something Sharp
WHEN we heard ---- say a thing of some acidity the other night in the House of Commons, the honorable member reminded us of a calf's head with ... Something To Be Grateful For
LORD ALVANLEY, after his duel with young O'Connell, gave a guinea to the hackney-coachman who had driven him to and from the scene of the encounter. The man, surprised at the largeness of the sum, said, My Lord, I only took you to-- Alvanley interru... Something To Be Proud Of
SHERIDAN was once talking to a friend about the Prince Regent, who took great credit to himself for various public measures, as if they had been directed by his political skill, or foreseen by his political sagacity. But, said Sheridan, what his Roy... Something To Pocket
A DIMINUTIVE lawyer appearing as witness in one of the Courts, was asked by a gigantic counsellor what profession he was of; and having replied that he was an attorney,--You a lawyer! said Brief; why I could put you in my pocket.--Very likely you ma... Sought And Found
THREE conceited young wits, as they thought themselves, passing along the road near Oxford, met a grave old gentleman, with whom they had a mind to be rudely merry. Good-morrow, father Abraham, said one; Good-morrow, father Isaac, said the next; Goo...