Tall And Short
AT an evening party, Jerrold was looking at the dancers. Seeing a very
tall gentleman waltzing with a remarkably short lady, he said to a
friend at hand, Humph! there's the mile dancing with the mile-stone.
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Subtraction And Addition
A CHIMNEY-SWEEPER'S boy went into a baker's shop for a twopenny loaf, and conceiving it to be diminutive in size, remarked to the baker that he did not believe it was weight. Never mind that, said the man of dough, you will have the less to carry.--... Sudden Freedom
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A BARRISTER who had retired from practice, said: If any man was to claim the coat upon my back, and threaten my refusal with a lawsuit, he should certainly have it; lest, in defending my coat, I should, too late, find that I was deprived of my waist... Taking A Hint
THE Bishop preached: My friends, said he, How sweet a thing is charity, The choicest gem in virtue's casket! It is, indeed, sighed miser B., And instantly I'll go and--ask it. ... Taking His Measure
A CONCEITED packman called at a farm-house in the west of Scotland, in order to dispose of some of his wares. The goodwife was startled by his southern accent, and his high talk about York, London, and other big places. An' whaur come ye frae yersel... Tall And Short
AT an evening party, Jerrold was looking at the dancers. Seeing a very tall gentleman waltzing with a remarkably short lady, he said to a friend at hand, Humph! there's the mile dancing with the mile-stone. ... Tell It Not In England
LADY CARTERET, wife of the Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland, in Swift's time, one day said to the wit, The air of this country is very good.--Don't say so in England, my lady, quickly replied the dean, for if you do they will certainly tax it. ... Telling One's Age
A LADY, complaining how rapidly time stole away, said: Alas! I am near thirty. A doctor, who was present, and knew her age, said: Do not fret at it, madam; for you will get further from that frightful epoch every day. ... Temperance Cruets
THE late James Smith might often be seen at the Garrick Club, restricting himself at dinner to a half-pint of sherry; whence he was designated an incorporated temperance society. The late Sir William Aylett, a grumbling member of the Union, and a tw... The Abbey Church At Bath
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AN old lady, being desirous to be thought younger than she was, said that she was but forty years old. A student who sat near observed, that it must be quite true, for he had heard her repeat the same for the last ten years. MLXXXVI--KE... The Amende Honorable
QUOTH Will, On that young servant-maid My heart its life-string stakes. Quite safe! cries Dick, don't be afraid, She pays for all she breaks. ... The Anglo-french Alliance
JERROLD was in France, and with a Frenchman who was enthusiastic on the subject of the Anglo-French alliance. He said that he was proud to see the English and French such good friends at last. Tut! the best thing I know between France and England is... The Angry Ocean
MOTHER, this book tells about the angry waves of the ocean. Now, what makes the ocean get angry?--Because it has been crossed so often, my son. ... The Best Judge
A LADY said to her husband, in Jerrold's presence:-- My dear, you certainly want some new trousers.--No, I think not, replied the husband. Well, Jerrold interposed, I think the lady who always wears them ought to know. ... The Best Wine
SHERIDAN being asked what wine he liked best, replied, The wine of other people. ... The Birth Of A Prince
JERROLD was at a party when the Park guns announced the birth of a prince. How they do powder these babies! Jerrold exclaimed. ... The Bishop And His Portmanteau
THE other day, a certain bishop lost his portmanteau. The circumstance has given rise to the following:-- I have lost my portmanteau-- I pity your grief; It contained all my sermons-- I pity the thief. ...