The One Thing Wanting
IN a small party, the subject turning on matrimony, a lady said to her
sister, I wonder, my dear, you have never made a match; I think you
want the brimstone;--she replied, No, not the brimstone, only the
spark.
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The Last War
MR. PITT, speaking in the House of Commons of the glorious war which preceded the disastrous one in which we lost the colonies, called it the last war. Several members cried out, The last war but one. He took no notice; and soon after, repeating the... The Late Lord Audley
MR. PHILIP THICKNESSE, father of the late Lord Audley, being in want of money, applied to his son for assistance. This being denied, he immediately hired a cobbler's stall, directly opposite his lordship's house, and put up a board, on which was ins... The Late Mr Collins
COLLINS the poet, coming into a town the day after a young lady, of whom he was fond, had left it, said, how unlucky he was that he had come a day after the fair. ... The Latin For Cold
A SCHOOLMASTER asked one of his scholars in the winter time, what was the Latin for cold. O sir, answered the lad, I forget at this moment, although I have it at my fingers' ends. ... The Letter C
CURIOUS coincidences respecting the letter C, as connected with the Princess Charlotte, daughter of George IV.:--Her mother's name was Caroline, her own name was Charlotte; that of her consort Cobourg; she was married at Carlton House; her town resi... The Letter H
SIR JAMES SCARLETT, when at the Bar, had to cross-examine a witness whose evidence it was thought would be very damaging, unless he could be bothered a little, and his only vulnerable point was said to be his self-esteem. The witness presented himse... The Letter H
IN a dispute, whether the letter H was really a letter or a simple aspiration, Rowland Hill contended that it was the former; adding that, if it were not a letter, it must have been a very serious affair to him, by making him ill (Hill without H) al... The Light Subject
THE government, having threatened to proceed rigorously against those who refused to pay the assessed taxes, offered to them a remission of one fourth. This at least, said a sufferer, may be called, giving them some quarter. ... The Majesty Of Mud
DURING the rage of republican principles in England, and whilst the Corresponding Society was in full vigor, Mr. Selwyn one May-day met a troop of chimney-sweepers, dressed out in all their gaudy trappings; and observed to Mr. Fox, who was walking w... The Measure Of A Brain
ONE afternoon, when Jerrold was in his garden at Putney, enjoying a glass of claret, a friend called upon him. The conversation ran on a certain dull fellow, whose wealth made him prominent at that time. Yes, said Jerrold, drawing his finger round... The Medicine Must Be Of Use
SARAH, Duchess of Marlborough, once pressing the duke to take a medicine, with her usual warmth said, I'll be hanged if it do not prove serviceable. Dr. Garth, who was present, exclaimed, Do take it, then, my lord duke, for it must be of service one... The Mixture As Before
A GENTLEMAN who had an Irish servant, having stopped at an inn for several days, desired to have a bill, and found a large quantity of port placed to his servant's account, and questioned him about it. Please your honor, cried Pat, do read how many ... The Money-borrower Deceived
A YOUTH had borrowed a hundred pounds of a very rich friend, who had concluded that he should never see them again. He was mistaken, for the youth returned him the money. Some time after, the youth came again to borrow, but was refused. No, sir, sai... The One Thing Wanting
IN a small party, the subject turning on matrimony, a lady said to her sister, I wonder, my dear, you have never made a match; I think you want the brimstone;--she replied, No, not the brimstone, only the spark. ... The One-spur Horseman
A STUDENT riding being jeered on the way for wearing but one spur, said that if one side of his horse went on, it was not likely that the other would stay behind. [This is, no doubt, the original of the well-known passage in Hudibras,-- Fo... The Orators
TO wonder now at Balaam's ass, is weak; Is there a day that asses do not speak? ... The Philanthropist
JERROLD hated the cant of philanthropy, and writhed whenever he was called a philanthropist in print. On one occasion, when he found himself so described, he exclaimed, Zounds, it tempts a man to kill a child, to get rid of the reputation. ... The Pigs And The Silver Spoon
THE Earl of P---- kept a number of swine at his seat in Wiltshire, and crossing the yard one day he was surprised to see the pigs gathered round one trough, and making a great noise. Curiosity prompted him to see what was the cause, and on looking i... The Pink Of Politeness
LORD BERKELEY was once dining with Lord Chesterfield (the pink of politeness) and a large party, when it was usual to drink wine until they were mellow. Berkeley had by accident shot one of his gamekeepers, and Chesterfield, under the warmth of wine... The Plural Number
A BOY being asked what was the plural of penny, replied, with great promptness and simplicity, two-pence. ... The Poet Foiled
TO win the maid the poet tries, And sonnets writes to Julia's eyes, She likes a verse, but, cruel whim, She still appears a-verse to him. ... The Poets To Certain Critics
SAY, why erroneous vent your spite? Your censure, friends, will raise us; If you do wish to damn us quite, Only begin to praise us! ... The Polite Scholar
A SCHOLAR and a courtier meeting in the street, seemed to contest the wall. Says the courtier, I do not use to give every coxcomb the wall. The scholar answered, But I do, sir; and so passed by him. ... The Prince Of Orange And Judge Jefferies
WHEN Jefferies was told that the Prince of Orange would very soon land, and that a manifesto, stating his inducements, objects, &c., was already written, Pray, my Lord Chief Justice, said a gentleman present, what do you think will be the heads of t... The Principle Of Governments
I SHALL not easily forget the sarcasm of Swift's simile as he told us of the Prince of Orange's harangue to the mob of Portsmouth. We are come, said he, for your good--for all your goods.--A universal principle, added Swift, of all governments; but,... The Purser
LADY HARDWICKE, the lady of the Chancellor, loved money as well as he did, and what he got she saved. The purse in which the Great Seal is carried is of very expensive embroidery, and was provided, during his time, every year. Lady Hardwicke took ca...