Walpoliana
SIR JOHN GERMAIN was so ignorant, that he is said to have left a legacy
to Sir Matthew Decker, as the author of St. Matthew's Gospel.
Churchill (General C----, a natural son of the Marlborough family) asked
Pulteney the other day, Well, Mr. Pulteney, will you break me,
too?--No, Charles, replied he, you break fast enough of yourself!
Don't you think it hurt him more than the other breaking would?
Walpole was plagued one morning with that oaf of unlicked antiquity,
Prideaux, and his great boy. He talked through all Italy, and everything
in all Italy. Upon mentioning Stosch, Walpole asked if he had seen his
collection. He replied, very few of his things, for he did not like his
company; that he never heard so much heathenish talk in his days.
Walpole inquired what it was, and found that Stosch had one day said
before him, that the soul was only a little glue.
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Very Evident
GARRICK and Rigby, once walking together in Norfolk, observed upon a board at a house by the roadside, the following strange inscription: A GOES KOORED HEAR.--How is it possible, said Rigby, that such people as these can cure agues?--I do not know, ... Very Like A Whale
THE first of all the royal infant males Should take the title of the Prince of Wales; Because 'tis clear to seamen and to lubber, Babies and whales are both inclined to blubber. ... Very Like Each Other
IT appears that there were two persons of the name of Dr. John Thomas, not easily to be distinguished; for somebody (says Bishop Newton) was speaking of Dr. Thomas, when it was asked, which Dr. Thomas do you mean?--Dr. John Thomas.--They are both na... Very Likely
AN English officer lost his leg at the battle of Vittoria, and after suffering amputation with the greatest courage, thus addressed his servant who was crying, or pretending to cry, in one corner of the room, None of your hypocritical tears, you idl... Very Likely
AN officer of the navy being asked what Burke meant by the Cheap defence of nations, replied, A midshipman's half-pay,--nothing a-day and find yourself. ... Very Pointed
SIR JOHN HAMILTON, who had severely suffered from the persecutions of the law, used to say, that an attorney was like a hedgehog, it was impossible to touch him anywhere without pricking one's fingers. ... Very Pretty
ONE day, just as an English officer had arrived at Vienna, the empress knowing that he had seen a certain princess much celebrated for her beauty, asked him if it was really true that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. I thought so y... Very Serious
A REGULAR physician being sent for by a quack, expressed his surprise at being called in on an occasion apparently trifling. Not so trifling, neither, replied the quack; for, to tell you the truth, I have, by mistake, taken some of my OWN PILLS. ... Very Shocking If True
AT a dinner-party, one of the guests used his knife improperly in eating. At length a wag asked aloud: Have you heard of poor L----'s sad affair? I met him at a party yesterday, when to our great horror, he suddenly took up the knife, and---- Good h... Very True
SERJEANT MAYNARD, a famous lawyer in the days of the Stuarts, called law an ars bablativa. ... Very True
ALL that is necessary for the enjoyment of sausages at breakfast is confidence. ... Vice Versa
IT is asserted that the bad Ministers have contracted the National Debt. This cannot be; for instead of contracting it at all, bad Ministers have most materially extended it. ... Visible Darkness
A GENTLEMAN at an inn, seeing that the lights were so dim as only to render the darkness visible, called out, Here, waiter, let me have a couple of decent candles to see how these others burn. ... Visible Proof
AN Irishman being asked on a late trial for a certificate of his marriage, exhibited a huge scar on his head, which looked as though it might have been made with a fire-shovel. The evidence was satisfactory. ... Visibly Losing
IN an election for the borough of Tallagh, Councillor Egan, or bully Egan, as he was familiarly called, being an unsuccessful candidate, appealed to a Committee of the House of Commons. It was in the heat of a very warm summer, and Egan (who was an ... Vox Et Praeterea Nihil
I WONDER if Brougham thinks as much as he talks, Said a punster perusing a trial; I vow, since his lordship was made Baron Vaux, He's been Vaux et praeterea nihil. ... Vulgar Arguments
AT a club, of which Jerrold was a member, a fierce Jacobite, and a friend, as fierce, of the cause of William the Third, were arguing noisily, and disturbing less excitable conversationalists. At length the Jacobite, a brawny Scot, brought his fist ... Vulgarity
SIR WALTER SCOTT once happening to hear his daughter Anne say of something, that it was vulgar, gave the young lady the following temperate rebuke: My love, you speak like a very young lady; do you know, after all, the meaning of this word vulgar? '... Walpoliana
WHEN Mr. Naylor's father married his second wife, Naylor said, Father, they say you are to be married to-day; are you?--Well, replied the Bishop, and what is that to you?--Nay, nothing; only if you had told me, I would have powdered my hair. A tu... Walpoliana
SIR JOHN GERMAIN was so ignorant, that he is said to have left a legacy to Sir Matthew Decker, as the author of St. Matthew's Gospel. Churchill (General C----, a natural son of the Marlborough family) asked Pulteney the other day, Well, Mr. Pulten... Walpoliana
SIR CHARLES WAGER always said, that if a sea-fight lasted three days, he was sure the English suffered the most for the two first, for no other nation would stand beating for two days together. Yesterday we had another hearing of the petition of t... Warm Friendships
SOME people were talking with Jerrold about a gentleman as celebrated for the intensity as for the shortness of his friendships. Yes, said Jerrold, his friendships are so warm that he no sooner takes them up than he puts them down again. ... Warning To Ladies
BEWARE of falling in love with a pair of moustaches, till you have ascertained whether their wearer is the original proprietor. ... Waste Of Time
AN old man of ninety having recovered from a very dangerous illness, his friends congratulated him, and encouraged him to get up. Alas! said he to them, it is hardly worth while to dress myself again. ... Waste Powder
DR. JOHNSON being asked his opinion of the title of a very small volume remarkable for its pomposity, replied, That it was similar to placing an eight-and-forty pounder at the door of a pigsty. ... Way Of The World
DETERMINED beforehand, we gravely pretend To ask the opinion and thoughts of a friend; Should his differ from ours on any pretence, We pity his want both of judgment and sense; But if he falls into and flatters our plan, Wh... Way Of Using Books
STERNE used to say, The most accomplished way of using books is to serve them as some people do lords, learn their titles and then brag of their acquaintance. ... Wearing Away
A SCHOOLMASTER said of himself: I am like a hone, I sharpen a number of blades, but I wear myself in doing it. ... Well Matched
DR. BUSBY, whose figure was beneath the common size, was one day accosted in a public coffee-room by an Irish baronet of colossal stature, with, May I pass to my seat, O Giant? When the doctor, politely making way, replied, Pass, O Pigmy!--O, sir, s... Well Said
A GENTLEMAN, speaking of the happiness of the married state before his daughter, disparagingly said, She who marries, does well; but she who does not marry, does better.--Well then, said the young lady, I will do well; let those who choose do better... Well Turned
ON the formation of the Grenville administration, Bushe, who had the reputation of a waverer, apologized one day for his absence from court, on the ground that he was cabinet-making. The chancellor maliciously disclosed the excuse on his return. O, ... Well-bred Horse
HOW does your new-purchased horse answer? said the late Duke of Cumberland to George Selwyn. I really don't know, replied George, for I never asked him a question. ... Wellington Surprised
A NOBLEMAN ventured, in a moment of conviviality at his grace's table, to put this question to him: Allow me to ask, as we are all here titled, if you were not SURPRISED at Waterloo? To which the duke responded, No; but I am NOW. ... Welsh Wig-ging
AN Englishman and a Welshman, disputing in whose country was the best living, said the Welshman, There is such noble housekeeping in Wales, that I have known above a dozen cooks employed at one wedding dinner.--Ay, answered the Englishman, that was ... Wet And Dry
DR. MACKNIGHT, who was a better commentator than preacher, having been caught in a shower of rain, entered the vestry soaked with wet. As the time drew on for divine service he became much distressed, and ejaculated over and over, O, I wish that I w... What Everybody Does
HOPKINS once lent Simpson, his next door neighbor, an umbrella, and having an urgent call to make on a wet day, knocked at Simpson's door. I want my umbrella.--Can't have it, said Simpson. Why? I want to go to the East End, and it rains in torrents;... What Is An Archdeacon?
LORD ALTHORP, when Chancellor of the Exchequer, having to propose to the House of Commons a vote of L400 a year for the salary of the Archdeacon of Bengal, was puzzled by a question from Mr. Hume, What are the duties of an archdeacon? So he sent one... What's A Hat Without A Head?
CAPTAIN INNES of the Guards (usually called Jock Innes by his contemporaries) was with others getting ready for Flushing, or some of those expeditions at the beginning of the great war. His commanding officer remonstrated about the badness of his ha...