Well Matched
DR. BUSBY, whose figure was beneath the common size, was one day
accosted in a public coffee-room by an Irish baronet of colossal
stature, with, May I pass to my seat, O Giant? When the doctor,
politely making way, replied, Pass, O Pigmy!--O, sir, said the
baronet, my expression alluded to the size of your intellect.--And
my expression, sir, said the doctor, to the size of yours.
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Visibly Losing
IN an election for the borough of Tallagh, Councillor Egan, or bully Egan, as he was familiarly called, being an unsuccessful candidate, appealed to a Committee of the House of Commons. It was in the heat of a very warm summer, and Egan (who was an ... Vox Et Praeterea Nihil
I WONDER if Brougham thinks as much as he talks, Said a punster perusing a trial; I vow, since his lordship was made Baron Vaux, He's been Vaux et praeterea nihil. ... Vulgar Arguments
AT a club, of which Jerrold was a member, a fierce Jacobite, and a friend, as fierce, of the cause of William the Third, were arguing noisily, and disturbing less excitable conversationalists. At length the Jacobite, a brawny Scot, brought his fist ... Vulgarity
SIR WALTER SCOTT once happening to hear his daughter Anne say of something, that it was vulgar, gave the young lady the following temperate rebuke: My love, you speak like a very young lady; do you know, after all, the meaning of this word vulgar? '... Walpoliana
WHEN Mr. Naylor's father married his second wife, Naylor said, Father, they say you are to be married to-day; are you?--Well, replied the Bishop, and what is that to you?--Nay, nothing; only if you had told me, I would have powdered my hair. A tu... Walpoliana
SIR JOHN GERMAIN was so ignorant, that he is said to have left a legacy to Sir Matthew Decker, as the author of St. Matthew's Gospel. Churchill (General C----, a natural son of the Marlborough family) asked Pulteney the other day, Well, Mr. Pulten... Walpoliana
SIR CHARLES WAGER always said, that if a sea-fight lasted three days, he was sure the English suffered the most for the two first, for no other nation would stand beating for two days together. Yesterday we had another hearing of the petition of t... Warm Friendships
SOME people were talking with Jerrold about a gentleman as celebrated for the intensity as for the shortness of his friendships. Yes, said Jerrold, his friendships are so warm that he no sooner takes them up than he puts them down again. ... Warning To Ladies
BEWARE of falling in love with a pair of moustaches, till you have ascertained whether their wearer is the original proprietor. ... Waste Of Time
AN old man of ninety having recovered from a very dangerous illness, his friends congratulated him, and encouraged him to get up. Alas! said he to them, it is hardly worth while to dress myself again. ... Waste Powder
DR. JOHNSON being asked his opinion of the title of a very small volume remarkable for its pomposity, replied, That it was similar to placing an eight-and-forty pounder at the door of a pigsty. ... Way Of The World
DETERMINED beforehand, we gravely pretend To ask the opinion and thoughts of a friend; Should his differ from ours on any pretence, We pity his want both of judgment and sense; But if he falls into and flatters our plan, Wh... Way Of Using Books
STERNE used to say, The most accomplished way of using books is to serve them as some people do lords, learn their titles and then brag of their acquaintance. ... Wearing Away
A SCHOOLMASTER said of himself: I am like a hone, I sharpen a number of blades, but I wear myself in doing it. ... Well Matched
DR. BUSBY, whose figure was beneath the common size, was one day accosted in a public coffee-room by an Irish baronet of colossal stature, with, May I pass to my seat, O Giant? When the doctor, politely making way, replied, Pass, O Pigmy!--O, sir, s... Well Said
A GENTLEMAN, speaking of the happiness of the married state before his daughter, disparagingly said, She who marries, does well; but she who does not marry, does better.--Well then, said the young lady, I will do well; let those who choose do better... Well Turned
ON the formation of the Grenville administration, Bushe, who had the reputation of a waverer, apologized one day for his absence from court, on the ground that he was cabinet-making. The chancellor maliciously disclosed the excuse on his return. O, ... Well-bred Horse
HOW does your new-purchased horse answer? said the late Duke of Cumberland to George Selwyn. I really don't know, replied George, for I never asked him a question. ... Wellington Surprised
A NOBLEMAN ventured, in a moment of conviviality at his grace's table, to put this question to him: Allow me to ask, as we are all here titled, if you were not SURPRISED at Waterloo? To which the duke responded, No; but I am NOW. ... Welsh Wig-ging
AN Englishman and a Welshman, disputing in whose country was the best living, said the Welshman, There is such noble housekeeping in Wales, that I have known above a dozen cooks employed at one wedding dinner.--Ay, answered the Englishman, that was ... Wet And Dry
DR. MACKNIGHT, who was a better commentator than preacher, having been caught in a shower of rain, entered the vestry soaked with wet. As the time drew on for divine service he became much distressed, and ejaculated over and over, O, I wish that I w... What Everybody Does
HOPKINS once lent Simpson, his next door neighbor, an umbrella, and having an urgent call to make on a wet day, knocked at Simpson's door. I want my umbrella.--Can't have it, said Simpson. Why? I want to go to the East End, and it rains in torrents;... What Is An Archdeacon?
LORD ALTHORP, when Chancellor of the Exchequer, having to propose to the House of Commons a vote of L400 a year for the salary of the Archdeacon of Bengal, was puzzled by a question from Mr. Hume, What are the duties of an archdeacon? So he sent one... What's A Hat Without A Head?
CAPTAIN INNES of the Guards (usually called Jock Innes by his contemporaries) was with others getting ready for Flushing, or some of those expeditions at the beginning of the great war. His commanding officer remonstrated about the badness of his ha... What's Going On?
A VERY prosy gentleman, who was in the habit of waylaying Jerrold, met his victim, and, planting himself in the way, said, Well, Jerrold, what is going on to-day? Jerrold said, darting past the inquirer, I am! ... What's In A Name?
SOON after Lord ----'s elevation to the peerage, he remarked that authors were often very ridiculous in the titles they gave. That, said a distinguished writer present, is an error from which even sovereigns appear not to be exempt. ... What's In A Syllable?
LONGFELLOW, the poet, was introduced to one Longworth, and some one noticed the similarity of the first syllable of the names. Yes, said the poet, but in this case I fear Pope's line will apply,--'Worth makes the man, the want of it the fellow.' ... What's My Thought Like?
Quest. WHY is a pump like Viscount Castlereagh? Ans. Because it is a slender thing of wood, That up and down its awkward arm doth sway, And coolly shout, and spout, and spout away, In one weak, washy, everla...