Victory
That celebrated statue, the Winged Victory, has suffered during the centuries to the extent of losing its head and other less vital parts. When the Irish tourist was confronted by this battered figure in the museum, and his guide had explained that ... Wants Her Rights
_He:_ "There is nothing like experience after all. She is our greatest teacher." _She:_ "And there is no holding back her salary, either." * * * "And are you a good needlewoman and renovator, and willin... Weather
The old colored attendant at the court house had a formula for addressing the judge: "What's the news this mawnin', Jedge?" And the judge's habitual reply was to the effect that there was no news in particular. But one morning, in answer to ... Wedding Declared Off
_John Willie_ (_pleadingly_): "Why can't we be married right away, Elsie?" _Elsie_ (_coyly_): "Oh, I can't bear to leave father alone just now." _John Willie_ (_earnestly_): "But, my darling, he has had you such a very long time." _Elsie_ (_... Whales
At the time when petroleum began to be used instead of whale oil for burning in lamps, a kindly old lady was deeply perturbed by the change. "What," she wanted to know, "will the poor whales do now?" ... What Did He Mean?
A merchant in a Wisconsin town who had a Swedish clerk sent him out to do some collecting. When he returned from an unsuccessful trip he reported: "Yim Yonson say he vill pay ven he sells his hogs. Yim Olson he vill pay ven he sell his wheat and ... What He Preferred
"And did you say you preferred charges against this man?" asked the Judge, looking over his gold-rimmed spectacles. "No, Your Honour," was the quick reply of the man to whom money was owed; "I prefer the cash!" "Wot was the last card Oi dealt y... What He Preferred
He was one of the few remaining old-time darkies. He had finished the odd jobs for which he had been employed, and, hat in hand, appeared at the back door. "How much is it, uncle?" he was asked. "Yo' say how much? Jest whatever yo' say, missus.... Whiskers
An elderly man was on his way home by train from a session of three days at a convention of his political party. (This was antedating the era of prohibition.) The man's personal preferences had been gratified in the nominations at the convention, an... Why He Picked Pictish
An English mother was visiting her son at college. "Well, dear," she said, "what languages did you decide to take?" "I have decided to take Pictish, mother," he replied. "Pictish?" said the puzzled lady. "Why Pictish?" "Only five words of i... Why Indeed
_The Husband:_ "Why is it that women always say, 'I'll be ready in two seconds'?" _The Wife:_ "Humph! and why is it that men always say, 'Oh! _I'm_ ready _now_'?" * * * _Madge:_ "Have you given Jack yo... Widow
One of the ladies assembled at the club was describing the wedding she had just attended: "And then, just as Frank and the widow started up the aisle to the altar, every light in the church went out." The listeners exclaimed over the catastroph... Widowhood
During the parade at the last encampment of the G.A.R., a woman in the crowd of spectators made herself not only conspicuous, but rather a nuisance by the way she carried on. She waved a flag with such vigor as to endanger the bystanders and yelled ... Wife
A young skeptic in the congregation once interrupted Billy Sunday with the question: "Who was Cain's wife?" The Evangelist answered in all seriousness: "I honor every seeker after knowledge of the truth. But I have a word of warning for this... Wild Women
The old sea captain was surrounded at the tea party, to which his wife had dragged him, much against his will, by a group of women pestering him for a story from his adventures. Finally, at the end of his patience, he began. "Once, I was shipwrec...

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