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All Stories Jokes Page 6
Bone Of Contention
The crowd in the car was packed suffocatingly close. The timid passenger thought of pickpockets, and thrust his hand into his pocket protectingly. He was startled to encounter the fist of a fat fellow-passenger. "I caught you that time!" the fat ...
Bottled Courage
"Is this stuff guaranteed to make a rabbit slap a bulldog in the face?" "My dear sir," said the bootlegger, with a pained expression. "This stuff will make a tenant snap his fingers under his landlord's nose." * ...
Breakfast
The Southern Colonel at Saratoga Springs, in the days before prohibition, directed the colored waiter at his table in the hotel: "You-all kin bring me a Kentucky breakfast." "An' what is that, sir?" the waiter inquired doubtfully. The Colonel...
Brevity
The best illustration of the value of brief speech reckoned in dollars was given by Mark Twain. His story was that when he had listened for five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was going to contribute fifty dollars, afte...
Bribery
A thriving baseball club is one of the features of a boy's organization connected with a prominent church. The team was recently challenged by a rival club. The pastor gave a special contribution of five dollars to the captain, with the direction th...
Brutality
Two ladies in a car disputed concerning the window, and at last called the conductor as referee. "If this window is open," one declared, "I shall catch cold, and will probably die." "If the window is shut," the other announced, "I shall certain...
Burglary
A young couple that had received many valuable wedding presents established their home in a suburb. One morning they received in the mail two tickets for a popular show in the city, with a single line: "Guess who sent them." The pair had much a...
But He's On His Way
Uncle Tom arrived at the station with the goat he was to ship north, but the freight agent was having difficulty in billing him. "What's this goat's destination, Uncle?" he asked. "Suh?" "I say, what's his destination? Where's he going?" U...
Calmness
In Bret Harte's _Mary McGillup_, there is a notable description of calmness in most trying circumstances. "'I have the honor of addressing the celebrated Rebel spy, Miss McGillup?'" asked the vandal officer. "In a moment I was perfectly calm. W...
Candor
Jeanette was wearing a new frock when her dearest friend called. "I look a perfect fright," she remarked, eager for praise. The dearest friend was thinking of her own affairs, and answered absent-mindedly: "Yes, you certainly do." "Oh, you...
Cards
A Tennessee farmer went to town and bought a gallon jug of whiskey. He left it in the grocery store, and tagged it with a five of hearts from the deck in his pocket, on which he wrote his name. When he returned two hours later, the jug was gone. He ...
Carelessness
The housemaid, tidying the stairs the morning after a reception, found lying there one of the solid silver teaspoons. "My goodness gracious!" she exclaimed, as she retrieved the piece of silver. "Some one of the company had a hole in his pocket." ...
Caterpillars
The small boy sat at the foot of a telegraph pole, with a tin can in his hands. The curious old gentleman gazed first at the lad and then at the can, much perplexed. "Caterpillars!" he ejaculated. "What are you doing with them?" "They climb tre...
Cats
Clarence, aged eight, was a member of the Band of Mercy, of his Sunday School, which was a miniature society for the prevention of cruelty to animals. The badge was a small star, and Clarence wore this with as much pride as ever a policeman had in h...
Cause And Effect
"What a lot of suffering these ambulance surgeons must witness." "Yes, indeed! Almost every time they go out they run over some one." * * * "He's a nice little horse (I saw him myself) and the dealer say...
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