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All Stories Jokes Page 8
Concealment
The widow was deep in suds over the family wash, when she saw her pastor coming up the path to the door. She gave directions to her young son to answer the bell, and to tell the clergyman that his mother had just gone down the street on an errand. S...
Conceit
"I suppose I must admit that I do have my faults," the husband remarked in a tone that was far from humble. "Yes," the wife snapped, "and in your opinion your faults are better than other folks' virtues." ...
Conditional
_Eloping Bride:_ "Oh, Jack! I can't help wondering what father will say when he gets our letter." _Bridegroom:_ "It can't make any difference to our happiness, darling--so long as he doesn't _do_ it when we get back." ...
Conscience
The child had been greatly impressed by her first experience in Sunday school. She pressed her hands to her breast, and said solemnly to her sister, two years older: "When you hear something wite here, it is conscience whispering to you." "It's...
Conservative
He was a stout man, and his feet were big in proportion. He wore stout boots, too, with broad, square, sensibly-shaped toes; and when he came into the boot shop to buy another pair, he found he had some difficulty in getting what he wanted. A doz...
Constancy
His companion bent over the dying man, to catch the last faintly whispered words. The utterance came with pitiful feebleness, yet with sufficient clearness: "I am dying--yes. Go to Fannie. Tell her--I died--with her name--on my lips, that I--love...
Conversion
A zealous church member in a Kentucky village made an earnest effort to convert a particularly vicious old mountaineer named Jim, who was locally notorious for his godlessness. But the old man was hard-headed and stubborn, firmly rooted in his evil ...
Cookery
The housewife gave the tramp a large piece of pie on condition that he should saw some wood. The tramp retired to the woodshed, but presently he reappeared at the back door of the house with the piece of pie still intact save for one mouthful bitten...
Couldn't Resist It
"Look here," began the youth, as he entered a butcher's shop, and displayed two lovely-looking black-and-blue eyes, "you have fresh beef for sale?" "I have," responded the butcher. "And fresh beef is good for black eyes, is it not?" "It is."...
Courtesy
The witness was obviously a rustic and quite new to the ways of a court-room. So, the judge directed him: "Speak to the jury, sir--the men sitting behind you on the benches." The witness turned, bowed clumsily and said: "Good-morning, gentlem...
Cowardice
The old farmer and his wife visited the menagerie. When they halted before the hippopotamus cage, he remarked admiringly: "Darn'd curi's fish, ain't it, ma?" "That ain't a fish," the wife announced. "That's a rep-tile." It was thus that the a...
Curiosity
The colored man, passing through the market, saw a turtle for the first time, and surveyed it with great interest. The creature's head was withdrawn, but as the investigator fumbled about the shell, it shot forward and nipped his finger. With a howl...
Damages
The child came to his mother in tears. "Oh, mama," he confessed, "I broke a tile in the hearth." "Never mind, dear," the mother consoled. "But how ever did you come to do it?" "I was pounding it with father's watch?" ...
Danger
One foot in the grave, and the other slipping. ...
Dead Certainty
On Tuesday, a colored maid asked her mistress for permission to be absent on the coming Friday. She explained that she wished to attend the funeral of her fiancé. The mistress gave the required permission sympathetically. "But you're not wearing...
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