The good die young. Here's hoping that you may live to a ripe old age.

"How old are you, Tommy?" asked a caller.

"Well, when I'm home I'm five, when I'm in school I'm six, and when I'm

on the cars I'm four."

"How effusively sweet that Mrs. Blondey is to you, Jonesy," said

Witherell. "What's up? Any tender little romance there?"

"No, ind
ed--why, that woman hates me," said Jonesy.

"She doesn't show it," said Witherell.

"No; but she knows I know how old she is--we were both born on the same

day," said Jonesy, "and she's afraid I'll tell somebody."

As every southerner knows, elderly colored people rarely know how old

they are, and almost invariably assume an age much greater than belongs

to them. In an Atlanta family there is employed an old chap named Joshua

Bolton, who has been with that family and the previous generation for

more years than they can remember. In view, therefore, of his advanced

age, it was with surprise that his employer received one day an

application for a few days off, in order that the old fellow might, as

he put it, "go up to de ole State of Virginny" to see his aunt.

"Your aunt must be pretty old," was the employer's comment.

"Yassir," said Joshua. "She's pretty ole now. I reckon she's 'bout a

hundred an' ten years ole."

"One hundred and ten! But what on earth is she doing up in Virginia?"

"I don't jest know," explained Joshua, "but I understand she's up dere

livin' wif her grandmother."

When "Bob" Burdette was addressing the graduating class of a large

eastern college for women, he began his remarks with the usual

salutation, "Young ladies of '97." Then in a horrified aside he added,

"That's an awful age for a girl!"

THE PARSON (about to improve the golden hour)--"When a man reaches your

age, Mr. Dodd, he cannot, in the nature of things, expect to live very

much longer, and I--"

THE NONAGENARIAN--"I dunno, parson. I be stronger on my legs than I were

when I started!"

A well-meaning Washington florist was the cause of much embarrassment to

a young man who was in love with a rich and beautiful girl.

It appears that one afternoon she informed the young man that the next

day would be her birthday, whereupon the suitor remarked that he would

the next morning send her some roses, one rose for each year.

That night he wrote a note to his florist, ordering the delivery of

twenty roses for the young woman. The florist himself filled the order,

and, thinking to improve on it, said to his clerk:

"Here's an order from young Jones for twenty roses. He's one of my best

customers, so I'll throw in ten more for good measure."--_Edwin Tarrisse_.

A small boy who had recently passed his fifth birthday was riding in a

suburban car with his mother, when they were asked the customary

question, "How old is the boy?" After being told the correct age, which

did not require a fare, the conductor passed on to the next person.

The boy sat quite still as if pondering over some question, and then,

concluding that full information had not been given, called loudly to

the conductor, then at the other end of the car: "And mother's


The late John Bigelow, the patriarch of diplomats and authors, and the

no less distinguished physician and author, Dr. S. Weir Mitchell, were

together, several years ago, at West Point. Dr. Bigelow was then

ninety-two, and Dr. Mitchell eighty.

The conversation turned to the subject of age. "I attribute my many

years," said Dr. Bigelow, "to the fact that I have been most abstemious.

I have eaten sparingly, and have not used tobacco, and have taken little


"It is just the reverse in my case," explained Dr. Mitchell. "I have

eaten just as much as I wished, if I could get it; I have always used

tobacco, immoderately at times; and I have always taken a great deal of


With that, Ninety-Two-Years shook his head at Eighty-Years and said,

"Well, you will never live to be an old man!"--_Sarah Bache Hodge_.

A wise man never puts away childish things.--_Sidney Dark_.

To the old, long life and treasure;

To the young, all health and pleasure.

--_Ben Jonson_.

Youth is a blunder; Manhood a struggle; Old Age a regret.--_Disraeli_.

We do not count a man's years, until he has nothing else to


To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful

than to be forty years old.--_O.W. Holmes_.