ARMIES

A new volunteer at a national guard encampment who had not quite learned

his business, was on sentry duty, one night, when a friend brought a pie

from the canteen.



As he sat on the grass eating pie, the major sauntered up in undress

uniform. The sentry, not recognizing him, did not salute, and the major

stopped and said:



"What's that you have there?"



"Pie," said th sentry, good-naturedly. "Apple pie. Have a bite?"



The major frowned.



"Do you know who I am?" he asked.



"No," said the sentry, "unless you're the major's groom."



The major shook his head.



"Guess again," he growled.



"The barber from the village?"



"No."



"Maybe"--here the sentry laughed--"maybe you're the major himself?"



"That's right. I am the major," was the stern reply.



The sentry scrambled to his feet.



"Good gracious!" he exclaimed. "Hold the pie, will you, while I present

arms!"





The battle was going against him. The commander-in-chief, himself ruler

of the South American republic, sent an aide to the rear, ordering

General Blanco to bring up his regiment at once. Ten minutes passed; but

it didn't come. Twenty, thirty, and an hour--still no regiment. The aide

came tearing back hatless, breathless.



"My regiment! My regiment! Where is it? Where is it?" shrieked the

commander.



"General," answered the excited aide, "Blanco started it all right, but

there are a couple of drunken Americans down the road and they won't let

it go by."





An army officer decided to see for himself how his sentries were doing

their duty. He was somewhat surprised at overhearing the following:



"Halt! Who goes there?"



"Friend--with a bottle."



"Pass, friend. Halt, bottle."





"A war is a fearful thing," said Mr. Dolan.



"It is," replied Mr. Rafferty. "When you see the fierceness of members

of the army toward one another, the fate of a common enemy must be

horrible."





_See also_ Military Discipline.