AUTOMOBILES
TEACHER--"If a man saves $2 a week, how long will it take him to save a
thousand?"
BOY--"He never would, ma'am. After he got $900 he'd buy a car."
"How fast is your car, Jimpson?" asked Harkaway.
"Well," said Jimpson, "it keeps about six months ahead of my income
generally."
"What is the name of your automobile?"
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"I don't know."
"You don't know? What do your folks call it?"
"Oh, as to that, father always says 'The Mortgage'; brother Tom calls it
'The Fake'; mother, 'My Limousine'; sister, 'Our Car'; grandma, 'That
Peril'; the chauffeur, 'Some Freak,' and our neighbors, 'The
Limit.'"--_Life_.
"What little boy can tell me the difference between the 'quick' and the
'dead?'" asked the Sunday-school teacher.
Willie waved his hand frantically.
"Well, Willie?"
"Please, ma'am, the 'quick' are the ones that get out of the way of
automobiles; the ones that don't are the 'dead.'"
"Do you have much trouble with your automobile?"
"Trouble! Say, I couldn't have more if I was married to the blamed
machine."
A little "Brush" chugged painfully up to the gate of a race track.
The gate-keeper, demanding the usual fee for automobiles, called:
"A dollar for the car!"
The owner looked up with a pathetic smile of relief and said:
"Sold!"
Autos rush in where mortgages have dared to tread.
_See also_ Fords; Profanity.