CLOTHING


One morning as Mark Twain returned from a neighborhood morning call,

sans necktie, his wife met him at the door with the exclamation: "There,

Sam, you have been over to the Stowes's again without a necktie! It's

really disgraceful the way you neglect your dress!"



Her husband said nothing, but went up to his room.



A few minutes later his neighbor--Mrs. S.--was summoned to the door by a

messen
er, who presented her with a small box neatly done up. She opened

it and found a black silk necktie, accompanied by the following note:

"Here is a necktie. Take it out and look at it. I think I stayed half an

hour this morning. At the end of that time will you kindly return it, as

it is the only one I have?--Mark Twain."





A man whose trousers bagged badly at the knees was standing on a corner

waiting for a car. A passing Irishman stopped and watched him with great

interest for two or three minutes; at last he said:



"Well, why don't ye jump?"





"The evening wore on," continued the man who was telling the story.



"Excuse me," interrupted the would-be-wit; "but can you tell us what the

evening wore on that occasion?"



"I don't know that it is important," replied the story-teller. "But if

you must know, I believe it was the close of a summer day."





"See that measuring worm crawling up my skirt!" cried Mrs. Bjenks.

"That's a sign I'm going to have a new dress."



"Well, let him make it for you," growled Mr. Bjenks. "And while he's

about it, have him send a hookworm to do you up the back. I'm tired of

the job."





Dwellers in huts and in marble halls--

From Shepherdess up to Queen--

Cared little for bonnets, and less for shawls,

And nothing for crinoline.

But now simplicity's _not_ the rage,

And it's funny to think how cold

The dress they wore in the Golden Age

Would seem in the Age of Gold.



--_Henry S. Leigh_.





Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,

But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;

For the apparel oft proclaims the man.



--_Shakespeare_.



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