COST OF LIVING


"Did you punish our son for throwing a lump of coal at Willie Smiggs?"

asked the careful mother.



"I did," replied the busy father. "I don't care so much for the Smiggs

boy, but I can't have anybody in this family throwing coal around like

that."





"Live within your income," was a maxim uttered by Mr. Carnegie on his

seventy-sixth birthday. This is easy; the difficulty is to live
ithout

it.--_Satire_.





"You say your jewels were stolen while the family was at dinner?"



"No, no! This is an important robbery. Our dinner was stolen while we

were putting on our jewels."





A grouchy butcher, who had watched the price of porterhouse steak climb

the ladder of fame, was deep in the throes of an unusually bad grouch

when a would-be customer, eight years old, approached him and handed him

a penny.



"Please, mister, I want a cent's worth of sausage."



Turning on the youngster with a growl, he let forth this burst of good

salesmanship:



"Go smell o' the hook!"





TOM--"My pa is very religious. He always bows his head and says

something before meals."



DICK--"Mine always says something when he sits down to eat, but he don't

bow his head."



TOM--"What does he say?"



DICK--"Go easy on the butter, kids, it's forty cents a pound."



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