DENTISTS
The dentist is one who pulls out the teeth of others to obtain
employment for his own.
One day little Flora was taken to have an aching tooth removed. That
night, while she was saying her prayers, her mother was surprised to
hear her say: "And forgive us our debts as we forgive our
dentists."--_Everybody's_.
One said a tooth drawer was a kind of unconscionable trade, because his
trade was nothing else but to take away those things whereby every man
gets his living.--_Haglitt_.
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CRUELTY
"Why do you beat your little son? It was the cat that upset the vase of flowers." "I can't beat the cat. I belong to the S.P.C.A." ... CUCUMBERS
Consider the ways of the little green cucumber, which never does its best fighting till it's down.--Stanford Chaparral. ... CULTURE
_See_ Kultur. ... CURFEW
A former resident of Marshall, Mo., was asking about the old town. "I understand they have a curfew law out there now," he said. "No," his informant answered, "they did have one, but they abandoned it." "What was the matter?" "Well, the ... CURIOSITY
The Christmas church services were proceeding very successfully when a woman in the gallery got so interested that she leaned out too far and fell over the railing. Her dress caught in a chandelier, and she was suspended in mid-air. The minister n... CYCLONES
_See_ Windfalls. ... DACHSHUNDS
A little boy was entertaining the minister the other day until his mother could complete her toilet. The minister, to make congenial conversation, inquired: "Have you a dog?" "Yes, sir; a dachshund," responded the lad. "Where is he?" question... DAMAGES
A Chicago lawyer tells of a visit he received from a Mrs. Delehanty, accompanied by Mr. Delehanty, the day after Mrs. Delehanty and a Mrs. Cassidy had indulged in a little difference of opinion. When he had listened to the recital of Mrs. Deleha... DANCING
He was a remarkably stout gentleman, excessively fond of dancing, so his friends asked him why he had stopped, and was it final? "Oh, no, I hope not," sighed the old fellow. "I still love it, and I've merely stopped until I can find a concave la... DEAD BEATS
See _Bills_; Collecting of accounts. ... DEBTS
A train traveling through the West was held up by masked bandits. Two friends, who were on their way to California, were among the passengers. "Here's where we lose all our money," one said, as a robber entered the car. "You don't think they'... DEER
"The deer's a mighty useful beast From Petersburg to Tennyson For while he lives he lopes around And when he's dead he's venison." --_Ellis Parker Butler_. ... DEGREES
A young theologian named Fiddle Refused to accept his degree; "For," said he, "'tis enough to be Fiddle, Without being Fiddle D.D." ... DEMOCRACY
"Why are you so vexed, Irma?" "I am so exasperated! I attended the meeting of the Social Equality League, and my parlor-maid presided, and she had the audacity to call me to order three times."--_M. L. Hayward_. _See also_ Ancestry. ... DEMOCRATIC PARTY
HOSPITAL PHYSICIAN--"Which ward do you wish to be taken to? A pay ward or a--" MALONEY--"Iny of thim, Doc, thot's safely Dimocratic." ... DENTISTRY
Our young hopeful came running into the house. His suit was dusty, and there was a bump on his small brow. But a gleam was in his eye, and he held out a baby tooth. "How did you pull it?" demanded his mother. "Oh," he said bravely, "it was ea... DENTISTS
The dentist is one who pulls out the teeth of others to obtain employment for his own. One day little Flora was taken to have an aching tooth removed. That night, while she was saying her prayers, her mother was surprised to hear her say: "An... DESCRIPTION
A popular soprano is said to have a voice of fine timbre, a willowy figure, cherry lips, chestnut hair, and hazel eyes. She must have been raised in the lumber regions.--_Ella Hutchison Ellwanger_. ... DESIGN, DECORATIVE
Harold watched his mother as she folded up an intricate piece of lace she had just crocheted. "Where did you get the pattern, Mamma?" he questioned. "Out of my head," she answered lightly. "Does your head feel better now, Mamma?" he asked a... DESTINATION
A Washington car conductor, born in London and still a cockney, has succeeded in extracting thrills from the alphabet--imparting excitement to the names of the national capitol's streets. On a recent Sunday morning he was calling the streets thus:... DETAILS
Charles Frohman was talking to a Philadelphia reporter about the importance of detail. "Those who work for me," he said, "follow my directions down to the very smallest item. To go wrong in detail, you know, is often to go altogether wrong--lik... DETECTIVES
When Conan Doyle arrived for the first time in Boston he was instantly recognized by the cabman whose vehicle he had engaged. When the great literary man offered to pay his fare the cabman said quite respectfully: "If you please, sir, I should m... DETERMINATION
After the death of Andrew Jackson the following conversation is said to have occurred between an Anti-Jackson broker and a Democratic merchant: MERCHANT (_with a sigh_)--"Well, the old General is dead." BROKER (_with a shrug_)--"Yes, he's gone... DIAGNOSIS
An epileptic dropped in a fit on the streets of Boston not long ago, and was taken to a hospital. Upon removing his coat there was found pinned to his waistcoat a slip of paper on which was written: "This is to inform the house-surgeon that this... DIET
Eat, drink, and be merry, for to-morrow ye diet.--_William Gilmore Beymer_. There was a young lady named Perkins, Who had a great fondness for gherkins; She went to a tea And ate twenty-three, Which pickled her internal workin... DILEMMAS
A story that has done service in political campaigns to illustrate supposed dilemmas of the opposition will likely be revived in every political "heated term." Away back, when herds of buffalo grazed along the foothills of the western mountains... DINING
A twelve course dinner might be described as a gastronomic marathon.--_John E. Rosser_. "That was the spirit of your uncle that made that table stand, turn over, and do such queer stunts." "I am not surprised; he never did have good table m... DIPLOMACY
WIFE--"Please match this piece of silk for me before you come home." HUSBAND--"At the counter where the sweet little blond works? The one with the soulful eyes and--" WIFE--"No. You're too tired to shop for me when your day's work is done, de... DISCIPLINE
_See_ Military discipline; Parents. ... DISCOUNTS
A train in Arizona was boarded by robbers, who went through the pockets of the luckless passengers. One of them happened to be a traveling salesman from New York, who, when his turn came, fished out $200, but rapidly took $4 from the pile and plac... DISCRETION
When you can, use discretion; when you can't, use a club. ... DISPOSITION
One eastern railroad has a regular form for reporting accidents to animals on its right of way. Recently a track foreman had the killing of a cow to report. In answer to the question, "Disposition of carcass?" he wrote: "Kind and gentle." There...